Dreams For the Future

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll land among the stars." These are the words I go by every since I was little. Although I'm not exactly where I want to be in life, I'm getting closer. No one prepares you for what life really is. Especially harder for those of us who don't have "normal" families. I have a mother but only knew her 6M my whole life. I do not have a father. I don't have aunts, uncles, cousins, grandmas, and or grandpops. Just me and my two older sisters. My oldest adopted me and Charlene, my middle sister, when I was just 8. My oldest, Crystal, was 21 at the age. Before all this though, I was in foster care. Staring from when I can remember. I moved to Texas at some point. Lived with Aunts at the time. They have now passed. This is the time the abuse started. Mental, Physical, and Sexual. Coming back to California I was about 7 Years old. I lived with more foster families, more unknown families. Went through more abuse. Then this is where Crystal had adopted me. Finally thought it was my home run to a happy life. Was great first few years with her, then she meet her girlfriend. Soon after we all started living together. Now with this new girlfriend and her daughter. Growing up it's always about surviving. Doing what you gotta do to get by. Now these tactics come into play. After moving in all together, they would lock themselves in the room. The only time they would come is for food, water, shower, work, take us to school, shopping every once in awhile, and or to go out to the bars. My sister, Charlene and my new sister Suzy would run off together a lot with the boys around the neighborhood. I was always told to stay behind because I was too young. I couldn't understand. I didn't mind at the time because I wanted to be by myself. Only thing I wanted to do is go to school, go do my homework, eat and go to bed. School was my escape. Everyone hated me yet felt they all looked up to me. Middle school life hahaha we all been through the drama. I realized I was way more mature than a lot of these kids. I've experienced the rough side of the world way too early. I knew about the darkness and hatred the world can give you. I wasn't scared of anything or anyone. By this age I was upfront and too real. Told everyone how it is. I got looked down and lot of kids hated me for that. As we got older many people reached out and soon appreciated me for it. Realized who I really was. I kept going through so much hardship and just never stopped. These situations made me just wanna keep pushing. To keep trying, to be the best person I can be. To be that person that I would want to look up to. I have no role models besides myself. I had a job by the end of eight grade when I was 15. That was when I also started to support myself finically. I wasn't paying rent on my own but help with bills around the house. My essential needs and food. Soon after I was able to get my car and moved out as soon as I turned 18. I was also able to finish Highschool in 3 years instead of 4. Very proud of myself for pushing myself even though I had these obstacles. Ever since I got my first paycheck at 15, was the best feeling. Being able to know I can support myself, know that I can accomplish what I want. I worked for this, I deserve this. Soon after moving out real world hit me!

Who Knew that once hours started dropping at work you wouldn't be able to pay your bills. That family would abandoned you in your hardest times. That boyfriends/ bestfriends would rip your soul out. Who knew that things get so much worse before they get better. How can you tell your life will go to shit before your at the bottom. How do you do everything good and possible to help but still hit rock bottom.

Follow to see how one thing leads to another but always some positivity coming through.