Corporatitis

So, the unthinkable happened. After five long years of hard work, I was let go from my job.

Fired.

Terminated.

Whatever word or phrase you use, the ending is the same. I suddenly found myself jobless on a Wednesday afternoon. I had been anticipating this outcome; I submitted a few applications to new places here and there but I didn't look seriously because I thought "Surely they wouldn't really fire me, right?" "Years of hard work and loyalty and excellent quality would protect me, right?"

Well, I was wrong.

I knew it was coming. I was ready to be let go. The meeting was over and finished within 10 minutes, but I was unprepared for my reaction after the whole ordeal. Instead of bursting into tears or feeling overwhelmingly despaired...

I breathed a sigh of relief.

It was the most refreshing moment I had felt in ages. For the first time in months, I found I could breathe deeply again without the weight of anxiety on my shoulders. In that moment, I realized I had been completely drained of mental energy and I finally had time to recharge it. My job had been consuming me for so long, I had forgotten what it was like to just enjoy being awake and alive.

I enjoyed my job immensely in the beginning. I did work that I felt helped a lot of people everywhere, and I felt like I made a difference in people's lives. It was great, and I was happy. Content, even, to continue doing it for a long time. However, as we all know, nothing gold can stay.

After two years of fantastic work culture, the small company I worked for was "acquired" by a larger company. As with all acquisitions, there came a lot of change. Some good, but a lot of bad.

It was fine at first, minimal change as we all learned how the other teams and departments functioned and how their processes differed. Then, there came a lot of tension. We were judged for our employees not having degrees like the other teams, or we were told our way of doing things wasn't good enough (despite the fact that our team was more successful than theirs).

Work quickly went from something I enjoyed, to something that stressed me out. I was encouraged to work faster and do more, and that strain felt massive because I wasn't willing to sacrifice my quality for quantity. After another year and a half of frustration, I decided to quit and look for something else. I planned on moving soon, so I thought it was good timing.

But then, they asked me to come back to my team because a lot of people quit or were fired, and they had a lot of work to finish out and not enough hands to do it. So, like an idiot, I agreed to help them as a temporary hire. I agreed to do this because of one reason: I felt a sense of loyalty and duty to the people I had been working with for so long. I felt like I owed them something because of how great they had been to me, despite the changes the larger company had implemented.

I was a fool.

As a temporary hire, I still worked full-time. The catch? I didn't accrue PTO, or qualify for bonuses and raises, or get insurance coverage. I thought I would only be working this for a month or two, while I finalized our move. Unfortunately, we moved just when COVID was starting to hit hard. My partner couldn't find a job right away, so I had to keep mine. I asked to be moved to full-time again so I could get the perks that came with it.

My superiors told me again and again that they would "discuss it in their next meeting." Days, then weeks, then months went by. They refused to provide me any information on my transition to full-time. Six months are gone before I finally get an update; they'd decided to completely dissolve the department I was working for.

Instead of quietly transitioning me back to full-time, I was told to re-apply to another position within the company. I then had to complete the entire interview process for a position that was just a linear move. I got the position, and a solid pay raise, but the damage had already been done. Nearly a year of single income that could barely count as a living wage for one person, living in a new state, and trying to support two people and our pets - all in the time of COVID - had utterly wrecked my mental health.

I gave it my all, honestly. I spent the last 10 months in that position trying to learn their own processes, while working without necessary tools for the role. I tried so hard to make the production goals they asked of me. In the last month of my job, I was placed on a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP) and was given 30 days to get my act together. I met their requirements for three weeks out of the given four, so I was offered one more chance: a final week and a half to meet the goals they set.

And I just couldn't do it.

It was all too much, and I finally cracked under the pressure. I knew they would fire me and I was so ready for it. I wanted to cry from the sheer amount of relief I felt after the meeting.

But I was also immensely lucky that they gave me as long as they did to try. My partner had finally started a new job only a week and a half before I was let go, and his income alone would be enough to support the both of us.

Not everyone is so fortunate. But no one deserves to be stuck in a job that makes them feel as low as I did. I'm writing this story to encourage any and all of you out there: if your work is unfulfilling and stressful, where they make you feel like you're just another piece of meat laboring hard for minimal recognition, you don't owe them your loyalty.

You don't owe them your time, or your skills. You owe them nothing at all.

Corporate mentality is a disease that precludes the death of a workplace. Culture where numbers are prized over quality and people are made into a labor machine that cranks out whatever they want is not a setting that will encourage growth and good health. Some people can function and even sometimes flourish in such a setting, but I am not one of those people. If you're not either, then I can't stress this enough: look for something better. Look for a smaller and more intimate workplace if you can, even if it means taking a small pay cut.

I would rather work for less in an environment where my skills are rewarded and appreciated than in a place that expects me to sell my soul for an extra dime.