Confessions of a Mad man

“The moment a little boy is concerned with which is a jay and which is a sparrow, he can no longer see the birds or hear them sing.”

― Eric Berne

Dear Reader (whoever you may be),

I know you might not read this and it might end up getting lost in the derelict parts of time, but it doesn’t matter. These words will stay carved on paper for as long as they can, just like transgender women and men will keep fighting for as long as they can.

It might not be fair and it will definitely not be easy but you should know: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

I know I am not trans and I know I might not be able to understand the full power of being trans. However, I do know this:

When I was in my late teens, early twenties and I was lost and struggling to come to terms with who I was, the one person that stood by me, taught me and guided me through, was a trans woman.

People around the block would make fun of her. They would look at her in the street and call her names. Many would stare with clear disgust while she walked past and a few would be physical and even though, writing this I get tears piling up under my eyes…She stood TALL!

Believe it or not, her name was Andrea (which ironically derives from the Greek “ανδρείος” and translates to brave or gallant) and she was probably the first person to take a good look at me and blatantly say “You are Gay!” without meaning to make fun of me but rather show me that It Is Okay.

Andrea took me under her wing. She showed me around at a time when being gay, in the small conservative society I come from, could be dangerous – people were actually being attacked, beaten and even killed. She protected me, guided me and advised me. She helped me make the right decisions when I was at a stage where many people could easily take advantage of me and many kids in my position had made the wrong ones. She helped me make friends. She helped me gather the courage to come out to people and she offered me a safe place to crash when I needed to stay away and safe from others who couldn’t accept me. She taught me how to love myself and she showed me that, no matter what other people might say, nothing is wrong with me. She showed me how to stand up for myself and, most importantly, how to choose my battles.

She taught me how to be strong when people kicked me down and she did that by looking at me when a creep would push her on the ground but she would always get back up and if given the opportunity, believe me, she would grab that prick’s balls and twist as hard as she could till his voice turned into a pitch higher that Mariah Carrey’s - true story!

She was fierce!

I remember wondering how the hell she managed to survive that long by standing up to a whole society where being trans or ANY kind of different than the conservative, hetero-normative Christian Orthodox person could easily land you on a hospital bed, if not worse.

She once told me that listening to what others have to say about you is easy. The hard part is always listening to what YOU have to say about yourself.

Andrea was there on my first date with a guy and she was there when that didn’t work…and I am not kidding, she was literally sitting just across the bar from me and when she realised that it was not working and the only thing my date wanted was someone to satisfy his horny urges, she just waltzed over, turned to the guy, smiled and then turned to me and she said:

“Babe, why don’t you take your drink and come join me? Yolanda wants to talk to you”

Yolanda was our friend who was serving drinks behind the bar. She grabbed my wrist and pulled me with her to the other end of the bar, saving me from a big mistake.

Like I said…Fierce! Unapologetic!

She was there when, as a newly introduced member of the LGBTQIA2+ community, I had questions about sex, how things were done and when I needed advice about condoms, Sexually Transmitted Infections that up until then I didn’t even know existed, and she explained as much as she could when I panicked about HIV.

She was the first to explain to me what a Top and a Bottom is and she always had a funny story to go with it. And she told me that No matter what, I should always be PROUD!

You see, Andrea had been a massive part of my life, at the most important part of my life and she is forever in my heart. I might have not seen her in over 10 years, mainly because I moved away, but I know that every time she bumps into my mom on the street back home or at the supermarket or anywhere for that matter, she always, always, ALWAYS asks about me and I always want to know about her.

Now, why am I telling you all this and giving you a headache?

It’s simple!

A trans woman took a fragile kid under her wing, nurtured it, protected it and showed it the world when his own father didn’t think twice before throwing him on the streets.

She was the equivalent of a mother to me. A second mother that covered the nurturing my biological mother could not, for reasons out of her reach, and we all know that mothers are the strongest, more sacred creatures in the whole universe!

And that is what ALL transgender women (and men of course) are to me.

STRONG!

SACRED!

So stay strong and fight on and one day, hopefully soon, we can all look back and admire all the hard work that all the LGBTQIA2+ legends put and succeeded.

For a Better, Brighter Future!

With lots of Love and admiration,

An Ally

Adrian-Paul Kein

2020