Confessions of a Desperate Mom

These are the confessions of a mother named Sabrina. A mother of 6 locked in an abusive manipulative relationship. In our modern day and age, it’s easy to dismiss middle class women when they are in abusive relationships outside physically abusive. Have you ever noticed that?

Those suburban moms in their large SUVs and jogger sweats. Nice hair and well-mannered kids. It's hard to imagine that behind the door of their large 3 bed house that her own personal hell exists. A hell made of her own naïve choices and the blatant torment invoked by her husband. Even her own children are unaware of the torture, so why would anyone else know?

Young and innocent, she married a guy she had only just started dating and swiftly got pregnant afterwards. Everyone, including Sabrina, would acknowledge that this was the root of her issues. Some would argue its her own fault and she should live with the consequences of her choices. Honestly, they would be right… however the consequences they speak of should not be her continuing to live in that torment. How many other people have made bad choices in their life? Why is it young mothers are always the ones held responsible for their choices, never the fathers?

She fell in love with her husband on the edge of a frozen pond. They were on a date and had gone to a local Subway for some footlongs. Behind the Subway was the local park on the lake's edge. It was the middle of winter and the lake had started freezing, there was frost all over and everything was coated in white snow. Instead of walking to the car, Sabrina ran across the parking lot and to the park. Her husband, then boyfriend, Thomas followed her. There he chased her and tackled her to the ground. On the snow, by the edge of the lake, Sabrina thought she found her perfect man. His touch was soft and gentle, he was playful and loved to laugh. Everything completely opposite from her life of abuse from her family. "FINALLY!" Sabrina thought, she found a man who would give her a life filled with happy little moments and laughter.

After 15 years of marriage, Sabrina has quietly lived through multiple affairs on her husband’s part. She mistakenly believed she was in a committed relationship, however her husband treated her as if it was an open relationship and had no problem sleeping with women he met online. Poor Sabrina kept getting pregnant due to his insatiable sex drive. Have you ever been with someone like that? Someone who can’t seem to get enough. Most people take that as a wonderful blessing, but for those who are chronically sick… it becomes a huge burden and contentious point in the relationship. All the worse when that sex addict will take what they want regardless of how sick their significant other is. But is that really rape?

Is it rape when the wife feels pressured into having sex to satisfy her husband? Even when he is getting his kicks from somewhere else as well? Why must men be like that? Of course, it’s not all men, and some men are even victims themselves. However, this is a situation where the husband is a master manipulator. Poor Sabrina gave birth to 6 children for him, half of them conceived from spousal rape. She stays because she has no where else to go.

What is a woman who never had a proper education supposed to do to care of all those children on their own? Sabrina has no choice but to try to work it out with her husband and tolerate his control, abuse, adultery. Standing up for herself only results in more punishment and pain. What would you do? Would you leave your middle-class life to go live in a homeless shelter with your 6 kids because you can’t manage to hold a job OR would you stay and struggle with your mental wellbeing looking into the eyes of a man who is both your love and tormentor?

Does that make her a masochist? I don’t think so, Sabrina doesn’t either. She’s not staying because she enjoys the pain, she’s staying because she can’t give her kids a better life if she leaves. With no one to seriously turn to, her in laws openly call her a burden, her own parents want her to run away. However, the only opinions that matter to her are those of her children. Those 6 innocent babes that her emotional wellbeing has been sacrificed for do not understand nor deserve a life of hardship.

So, what does a mother who wears her heart on her sleeve do to give her kids the life they deserve AND not expose her resentment, bitterness, and pain? What does a suburban mom do to cope? No college because her ex didn’t want to take the time off work to let her attend classes. All her attempts to free lance to earn money failed and she was completely dependent on her husband for money. One time she tried to leave and divorce him. He told everyone he was the victim of her emotional abuse from her outbursts during their arguments. He downplays his affairs claiming he “made mistakes” but was trying to make amends for them. He claimed he was trying to give her everything she ever wanted when all she wanted was a committed relationship and genuine love. He bought them a nice house, but she never cared about the house or the car, all that mattered to her was having a good husband and father for her children. Sabrina has never understood why men are like that.

Her confession is that she wants to be free, she wants to leave him and get divorced. She wants to start over and find someone new, she just can’t afford to right now. What would you do if it was you?