Confessions Of A Benefactor

Introduction

During the first few years of going to strip clubs, I was the average good looking guy who enjoyed the scene of watching beautiful attractive women dancing on a stage and tipping them and then receiving memorable lap dances. I was living the single bachelor life. A few years had passed and I tied knot. My days of going to strip clubs with my friends had come to a turning point and ended. Another few years had gone by and suddenly I was going thru a separation and divorce. I was in no-man's land. I was numb, angry, sad, frustrated and lost. I was falling apart mentally, physically and emotionally. One day after having an intense argument with my wife at the time, I needed to get out of the house and drink a few whiskey sours to drown myself in alcohol to ease the pain.

The first place I went to was the local strip club. I could have drove to a another local bar or club, but instead I ended up at the strip club. It was place of comfort for me and it was last place where I remembered enjoying my life as a single bachelor. After my divorce was finalized, the strip club was a place I could be at my comfort zone, I didn't feel judge or looked down upon. I started to go daily and then on a weekly basis throughout the years and it gave me confidence. I would meet dancers and befriend them then I would meet other regular customers from different backgrounds that had a ritual of attending the club on either a daily or weekly basis. I realized I had to learn the game all over again after a 10 year absence. I became a regular customer then a VIP, a fixture like Norm from Cheers - everybody knew my name.

But, I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would become a benefactor or be in a beneficial relationship. There was no such word to define benefactor in the terminology of the strip club vocabulary as far as I knew. There are commonly known words such as stripper, hustle, brick, stripper code, making it rain, table dance, floor guy, table dance, lap dance, showgirl, VIP, private room, amateur, veteran, rookie, tab, house fee, house mom, topless, cabaret, bottomless, extras, whale, sugar daddy, regular, customer, client, club wife, club husband etc. But, there wasn't a word for benefactor in the strip club vocabulary to be defined. I did not know that a benefactor existed until I became one and realized that I was the definition. It took years of research and observations, re-learning the game and the rules in order to define what a benefactor is. There is a thin line between fantasy and reality that exists between you and the entertainer and within a certain threshold that line disappears. And that is when you know you are a benefactor.

What Is A Beneficial Relationship?

A beneficial relationship can happen anywhere whether it’s online thru a website (i.e. sugardaddy.com, seekingarrangement.com, onlyfans or a webcam site etc.), restaurants, bar or strip clubs. It is a financial relationship which occurs between two parties (usually a younger woman and a man), in which an underlying personal relationship suddenly forms between the two. In some way or another both parties are able to benefit by being in a beneficial relationship. The criteria for a beneficial relationship are attributes such as an age gap, one party being a financial provider, parties have an existing sense of security and trust between them. This type of a relationship is different from what defines a normal relationship because in a normal relationship, time and communication play a pivotal role in the relationship, both are constant. But, in a beneficial relationship, time and communication are based on the wants and needs of either party, it is not constant, it can be inconsistent and it is scheduled or feeling based. This is what I believe defines a beneficial relationship.

It can begin as a customer relationship: An individual would walk into a club and meet a young aspiring dancer he is attracted to, either due to their appealing look or personality. As the night goes on with drinks and conversation between the two, he would receive a few private lap dances in the VIP room and spend a few hundred dollars on her. Once the night has ended they usually part their ways. Before they part their ways, there is an exchange of cell phone numbers between the two of them if she feels comfortable with him. At this point, the gentleman will return to the club on a day/night she is working. This ongoing ritual continues as trust and a sense of security is built over the months. Both of these attributes become important in the relationship and that is when the beneficial relationship starts to form. It is the precise point in time in which the trust becomes fully established and embedded in the relationship. As time moves forward, the benefactor will continue to see her at the club or outside of the club and will support her financially whether it is a weekly or monthly basis. Many strippers may not even ever consider the gentleman as a ‘benefactor’, they may reclassify them and refer them as a ‘customer’ or 'sugar daddy' as they are defined later in this article.

Customer

A customer has the some of the qualities of both the sugar daddy and benefactor. The difference is that a customer has no intimate personal relationship with the younger woman but becomes a VIP by continuing to go to the strip club. In the short run, an underlying personal relationship may form between the both of them but it doesn't happen very often unless some form of monetary exchange occurs as the relationship continues to form. A customer will spend money whenever he is present at the club or at times outside of the club. There are some customers who are VIPs who do not expect any benefits, they just enjoy spending time and their money on these dancers. It is possible that a customer can become a benefactor or a sugar daddy but only time will tell.

Sugar Daddy

The sugar daddy as we know to define is an older gentleman who continues to seek some form of an underlying personal relationship with younger woman as they provide various types of financial support in the form of excessive and lavish gifts, shopping sprees or handing out sums of money. He spends most of his time at the strip club with his favorite and usually believes that their ongoing financial relationship is an intimate based personal relationship. He usually expects something in return that is beneficial to him, usually it's sex. He may take her out shopping or dinner on days she isn't at the club. A Sugar Daddy expects something in return from the girl based the idea that he has the financial ability to support the entertainer for a long period of time.

Benefactor

On the other hand, a benefactor has a few similarities to a sugar daddy but separates itself by definition. The differences is that there is an underlying personal relationship that exists between the two and yet the means of providing financial support is at minimal and not very excessive. Benefactors are uncommon in the strip club industry but are common in the online world. In many cases, benefactors will not bring gifts, spend lavish amounts of money on VIP rooms, drinks, tipping or lap dances. Their goal is to differentiate themselves amongst regular customers or sugar daddies who are interested in the same girl or other girls. They maintain the security and trust embedded in the relationship which may lead to something in the long run.

A benefactor normally does not go the strip club or online on a daily, weekly or monthly unless they are called upon. Benefactors usually start off as a customer but once the intimate personal relationship forms and a sense of security and trust is established over the months they become a benefactor. Everything that happens between the benefactor and the young woman is usually kept secret. Other customers or sugar daddies may or may not know that an intimate personal relationship exists yet other girls in the club may have some form of knowledge by way of the grapevine. What makes a benefactor different is that he has a unique intimate personal relationship with the dancer. Not only does he provide some type of financial support or guidance but he also provides emotional support as well.

The Reality of Being in a Beneficiary Relationship

To be in a beneficiary relationship isn’t all of what it is meant to be or appears to be. It's complex compared to a normal relationship. There is a mutual agreement between both parties. In a beneficiary relationship, there is no difference between love, lust and desire; the three are fused together and the lines that separate or differentiate them are blurry and out of focus. At times it becomes a fantasy driven emotion that consumes you. It's hard to separate fantasy from reality because of the emotional connection that is wrapped around the relationship. You want things to be normal but in reality it cannot be defined as a normal relationship due to circumstances that you do not control or cannot control. You want the normalcy of a relationship, but under the circumstances you are in, the reality is that it can’t be defined as normal and therefore it will never be. You are just a placeholder, someone who will always be there for her.

All beneficiary relationships are never the same. Some relationships may end up being beneficial for both parties or they may become abnormal. These types of financial relationships become abnormal for obvious reasons. The main reason is due to the girl's constant continuation of being involved in fake nonetary relationships with other beneficiaries who have an ongoing presence to supply and to spend an insurmountable amount of money on her. At first they may see something promising by pursuing the beneficiary. They base their pursuit on the potential receiving a money windfall, in which he may be able to provide her with on a monthly basis. In the end, the girl may end up sacrificing her trust and security. She views this type of a financial relationship as an opportunity to use the beneficiary for his money in order for herself to continue to maintain her current lifestyle. This idea of chasing the green dragon becomes a habit for her. As time moves forward and as the financial relationship continues, the beneficiary on the other hand may become obsessive, controlling and in denial of his own reality. His insurmountable monetary worthiness gives him power over her and therefore he will use it to his advantage to control her in every way without her knowledge. His obsession with her drives him to this point and he will only want to have the power to be in financial or emotional control within the relationship. And yet, she may not recognize this at the very beginning because she has already given up her trust and security.

In a successful beneficiary relationship, you end up having some of the good parts of a normal relationship (the feeling of being loved, a sense of security, a foundation of trust and some intimacy) but you have to deal with other parts of the relationship which make it difficult for you and to get your head wrapped around. Along the way as time moves on and the 'relationship' continues, you want to be with her and to show your love & affection for her, you want create intimate everlasting moments to remember, you wish to spend more time together and have deep meaningful conversations about life.

But her time is valuable to her and it is wrapped in a spiderweb full of ideals of trying to chase the green dragon, seeking ways of self improvement to comfort herself, not having a sense of job security (in some cases), dealing with personal issues, being non-communicative or by continuing to reward herself by engaging in fake monetary relationships with other customers. She may view you as a an unofficial boyfriend, a confidant or sometimes lover because she has established the sense of security and trust towards you which has been steadily building over the months or even years. She feels safe with you. She may say 'I love you' or 'I miss you' at times just to give you the impression that she cares about you, but she does not want to define what the both of you have - this 'relationship' that exists between the two of you. She may not fully commit into a 'relationship' by normalizing it because she may have commitment issues. Yet, she feels at ease with how she believes her life is going in the right direction - everything is going to be taken care of or it will eventualy work out. Everything in her life seems okay, good or at times imperfect as she sees it because her mind is set on the pursuit of financial green pastures and making it on her own drives her ambition.

Conclusion

There is a wake up of reality by being in a beneficial relationship. It's a tangled spiderweb filled with a cornucopia of complex issues that include money, emotions, security, trust, time, communication or intimacy etc. And yet you don’t realize it. It’s hard to break that established sense of security and trust. At the same time, you want to support her emotionally, physically, mentally and be there when she needs you because it fills her need. You are either one of the following: (1). The King - The one who provides her stability in her life, (2) The Knight - The hero that saves her and provides her social acceptance, (3) The Wizard - The one gives her variety in her life, or (4) The Artist - The one that gives her the love that has been missing in her life. It's like an addiction - you want more. You end up having some sleepless nights not knowing until she tells you when she is ready. You sit still and wait. The reality is that you end up sacrificing yourself because you don't realize you are already committed in the relationship and become emotionally bound. You stubbornly continue the relationship as the line between having a real normal relationship and a fantasy driven relationship becomes blurry.

At the end of the relationship, the both of you have moved on and forward with your lives. The monetary and emotional strings that connected the two of you are now cut. Reality sets in and the both of you will realize the benefit from the separation because there was no relationship to begin with.