Chapter One

The beginning. I’m not sure when the beginning is because to be quite honest I don’t remember much of anything from my childhood. I am almost certain it’s my trauma response to forget it all. I was brought into a world of chaos. This is very different for everyone but I’m here to share my story and maybe find myself and my true meaning. Make sense of everything that’s happened and why. This will be a rough and confusing ride but I hope it will in some way help someone else. So here we are you’ve gotten this far and I hope you stay. I’ve never expressed everything I’ve gone through and honestly, so many have absolutely no idea even my closest people in my life. So if you or someone you know I hope this can help and I hope we all can learn and become our strongest best version of ourselves.

I was born in 2001 I have 5 older siblings. 3 from my father and 2 from my mother. I don’t remember much until I was about 14 but I have very few memories and I have many stories. When my parents were together I believe they were in love but that came to an end fairly quickly by the time I was 2, it was war. I have my dads side and my moms side and my siblings of how it all fell out but of course non of them line up. But I do know my dad was in a biker club during the time. I was held from my mom nearly 52 days an “emergency” came up and my siblings and her had to leave I wasn’t able to go. My dads daughters my sisters took care of me full time during these 52 days my father was out and about doing whatever he pleased. One day my dad showed up to my mothers work with me for her to see me as soon as she got ahold of me there was no letting go. She won she finally had me back. I can’t even imagine the pain and empty heart she had during this time but can I? My father says somewhere along the line my mom said she’d let him have me for a large sum of money. Fast forward to an ugly divorce and now my father leaving. For 7 years I did not see him we spoke maybe 1-2 times a year. My mothers other children had the same father who ended up becoming mine also he stepped in he loved and cared for me as his own. But my bio father at the time he remarried a beautiful woman in Mexico and had a son to care for. Leaving us all behind like it was nothing. Then one day when I was 9.5 there he was in my moms home a complete stranger to me. All I remember is crying so many nights wondering how it was my fault he left. And why, why now did he decide he wanted a relationship. My half dad was there for so many important times including donuts with dad and father daughter dances he put me in all star cheer he and my mom never missed a competition. Now At this time my mom was getting ready to marry her new “love” whom I didn’t get along with much and sadly I think things may have been bad enough that I have no memories but a few bad ones of them being together including my mom being gone for the weekend and being locked in my room with nothing but a bucket and myself. Or him being naked… a lot which isn’t something a grown man should be comfortable doing around a child so young. My half dad wasn’t around as much as my new “step dad” didn’t think our relationship was important enough as mine and his should be There’s just so many bad feeling that come up when I think about it. Just like I’m getting knots in my stomach as I typed. I wonder what really happened. I’ve been going to therapists for years and it is a possibility I may have been raped by that man “my step dad” but he was a Christian man an evil man who ended up not only hurting me but my mother and our home. I know this is confusing it is for me too. But hang in there I’m just trying to give a little background to how I ended up where I am today. I need to find peace with all that’s happened. This is as far as I can go until our next life chapter I hope you choose to follow along! Thanks for reading this far