Are We Using the Toxic Person Label A Little Too Much?

I was scrolling through Instagram reels on self-care from “spiritual” influencers. Okay, even fashion influencers talk about toxic people and self-care practices involving a laundry list of products these days.

Everyone had a common theme —heal, stay away from toxic person, a mystic Instagram filter and a pretty convincing tone. Prescriptions for all problems I have in my life — Cut them off.

Your parents can be toxic, your colleagues, friends, your dates. Stay away from them like the plague.

Am I missing something here?

Where is the balance and why is everything completely black and white?

So all kinds of nemesis we had before — the jealous ones, the arrogant one, the bad-mouthing friend, the sexual predator, the pessimist, the abuser. Now everyone fits under the umbrella of a toxic person. Irrespective of how mild or horrible person they were, it’s toxic these days.

It’s the new psychological plague.

Everyone is talking about it, jump the trend, identify people to add to this list. Maybe we don’t have to.

Let’a break it down to start with.

Who is a Toxic Person

Firstly, there is no toxic person.

There is this person with whom you have a toxic relationship which is impacting you. Either on a energy level or not letting you be in a peace of mind. Which is bad. But just chill with the absolute labelling.

And this person may not been born toxic or swore to become into one. There might be certain suppressed pain from the past that is bringing out their worst behaviours.

I was a toxic person when I was going through severe depression few years ago and used to shock my close ones with some repressed angry outbursts. I was denying therapy because I thought I was strong and had seen the worst. But how wrong was I!

According to Jodie Gale, MA, a psychotherapist and life coach in PsychCentral:

it’s common for people with toxic behavior to:

create drama in their lives or be surrounded by it; try to manipulate or control others;

be needy (“it is all about them all the time”); use others to meet their needs (such as “narcissistic parents”); be extremely critical of themselves and others;

be jealous and envious of others, bemoaning their bad fortune and others’ good fortune; abuse substances or harm themselves in other ways

So, toxicity is a cycle anyone can go through, or they inherit from the environment and the reaction to them. You are no exception to it.

The life is short, throw away the toxic person is not possible.

It is not possible to talk anyone out of being toxic.

No one could change unless they choose to.

I know friends who had a loving bond with their parents. But now are in a toxic state of relationship with them because of how things turned out. Staying away can help. I do that. But cutting off is not.

But the short-sighted reflection of life is short, let go of your hurtings is not only denial at it’s best, but it is suppressing the feelings.

Life is long enough and letting go is a daily practice. Don’t rush your healing.

But what about the daily conversations the need to be having as a daughter/son with their parents?

Can we run away from it? Nope.

Having a approach backed with therapy could help. Here is what I do:

Keep my boundaries strong, certain topics from the past will not be discussed.

Not take every word personally and dissect it. The aim is to have a conversation as light as possible.

The key is to find a balance without taking sides and it changes things than resorting to a label fest.

Toxic Person will stop being toxic so stop spreading the word please!

It’s a bit of a selfish statement.

I had my sister and friends who could see beyond the anger and supported me in my journey to be back to myself. If I was labelled a toxic person maybe I would have continued being one.

We don’t know human psychology as much as we taught we did.

A person who learns that his arrogance is making people stay away and can mend ways. We all have stories of foes turned besties.

But there are people beyond acceptance like abusers — stay away, be informed and know the difference.

And the best we can do sometimes is to give people a chance. We give this not by tolerating or choosing to be the victim. But by letting them be in their space and not resort to labelling them with other people. Let’s save our energies for better stuffs.

There in lies the balance.

Final Thoughts

It’easy to get generic in life and cut off people to protect our “sanity”. It is needed. But not everytime.

Let’s question our judgements now and then. When it comes to humans an “all or nothing” approach never helps. Don’t let your Instagram feed decide how you handle the people in your life. There is no medal for it.

Take informed decisions backed by therapy and you already know what is right.

This confession “everyone is toxic” summarizes this way:

I hear people telling me their justification for removing people from their lives, and so far I’ve yet to have any of these people talk about serious abuse. Those same people also never seem to comprehend their own role in that relationship. It’s always the other person.

There is no perfect relationship and no matter what social media tells us we can’t deserve an ever loving no stress relationship.

Just next time, let’s pause and use the word “toxic” with caution.

Saves a lot of stress. I promise.