Are We Dating the Same Guy?

Dating is an endeavor that I’ve never enjoyed. It’s often stressful, and sometimes depressing. More often than not, dating is full of unnecessary drama. Maybe the drama is why I was drawn to join a “Are we dating the same guy?” group on Facebook, despite not being interested in venturing into the dating world myself.

I’d seen posts about these groups on TikTok and expected a laugh or two. I thought I might even see someone I knew featured in one of the posts. I also wanted a fresh perspective on dating, and I genuinely wanted to root for some of the couples. I quickly learned that no man in the group was worth rooting for.

Cheaters and narcissists come in all shapes and sizes

When I picture a cheater or a narcissist, I have a particular image in mind. He’s attractive enough to draw the attention of multiple women. He’s on the younger side, early twenties to mid-thirties, and has a full head of hair.

That image quickly faded when I realized the liars and cheaters featured in the group were often well beyond retirement age. Not only were the men older than expected, but it was rare that I saw one who I felt was attractive.

What’s worse were their lists of crimes committed. There were claims of lying, cheating, gaslighting, theft, fraud, and even a few reports of physical abuse.

While some of the posts may have been from angry exes, most of the posts seemed sincere.

Some of the men made multiple appearances

Although the group was flooded with pictures of cheaters and narcissists, the majority of posts were from women asking if their potential dates had any red flags. It should come as no surprise that some men were regulars in the groups. A handful of them would get posted every few months.

A few of these men had even gone so far as to meet some women in the group, but none of these romantic pairings worked. The women who met them were ready to spill the tea on their former matches. It never deterred the men, as they continued to be posted every few months.

I couldn't help wondering if this was normal dating behavior, since these men weren't committed to anyone. Maybe to some, dating is like playing Pokémon where they want to catch 'em all.

Men also managed To find their way into the group

Before joining the group, there's a list of rules you have to agree to. One of those rules is that you must be female. Men have still managed to sneak in, with some going so far as to join using a woman’s profile picture.

Most of the men would reveal themselves after being posted about, but I’m sure there are still some hiding out in the group. One man even threatened to sue after someone made a post about him.

Facebook dating is the dumpster fire of dating sites

I'm not on any dating sites, so I'm not sure what the landscape of dating apps and websites is like. I did learn from the group that joining Facebook dating is like jumping into a moldy, smelly, dumpster and searching for treasure. You won't find anything worthwhile, but you may get an infection.

While the other dating sites don’t appear to be much better, Facebook was the main one women complained about.

Women don't always support other women

This will be no surprise to anyone who visits the internet regularly, but the women in the group didn’t always support each other. Emotions seemed to run high whenever two members discovered that they were dating the same man, or if someone’s sibling was posted.

These were the types of posts that had me glued to the comments section, as the women usually exposed each other for their crimes. I even witnessed one woman accusing the other of stealing her ex-boyfriend’s sofa.

The notorious cuddler

I mentioned earlier that multiple men made monthly appearances, but no one appeared quite as much as Neal the cuddler. Neal was the type of man who would get serious about the women before meeting them, and tell them he planned to spend his entire life with them. He would also demand to cuddle, and become angry whenever they decided to ignore his messages.

Most women agreed that he was weird, but isn’t dating weird? Maybe there’s someone out there for Neal, after all.