Angel Of Self Sabotage

Where do I begin to start this story? I could start at the very beginning or I could start at where it all went wrong. Well here goes nothing. My name is Angel, ironic right?! Born and raised in a small town not even on the map. I’m the middle child of three. I guess you can say I’m the child that stayed even when I wanted, neededed, and desired to leave and venture out into the great wild unknown. My life as one would call it could be summed up in a few short words “Ok but not GREAT”. It all started when I came across this wonderful but toxic person named Derrick. Derrick was a musician extremely talented but flawed in every way. He was quiet and I was the exact opposite. Let’s just say I broke him out of that shell. He didn’t treat me right but because I was in love I wanted and needed things to work out. He had a very violent temper. When angered he would hit me and verbally abuse me but because I was blindly inlove I stayed. Never realizing my worth at all. He would hide the acts of abuse with writing me music and singing to me to soothe over the wrongbhe had done. And like the magician he was it woulf work. Hearing him sing woukd wash over me like waves on a beach and I would just fall back into the transe like putty in his hands. Then the cheating started. He was very flirtatious and it would drive me up a damn wall. The multiple phone calls, the hidden text messages, the videos now don’t get me started in the videos that were sent. I wasn’t aware of any of it until my phone got messed up and Derrick offered to let me use his until I got a new one. That’s when shit hit the fan!! I confronted him about it and he denied it all and it tore my heart out of my chest. Oh I forgot to mention one thing I was living with Derrick at this moment in my life. So yea things were very complicated And I mean COMPLETELY COMPLICATED. I couldn’t go home, my mom and I had a argument that resulted in her kicking me out and when the dust settled it came out that she misplaced when she accused me of taking and I wasn’t going back without an apology. Call me stubborn, call me bullheaded, say whatever you want I deserved an apology. But with my mother being the way she is I knew I would never get that even if I begged. Now back to Derrick, he just kept on lying as if I didn’t know what was going on with him and Jalissa. She was pretty and extremely talented in her own right!! But you know she wasn’t me. Like she was cute but there wasn’t anything that just made me think like damn she is hot. I hate when women do that when it comes to others, but here I am doing that to Jalissa. I’m such a hypocrite. Ugh I was emotionally all over the place. One night Jalissa invited me and Derrick over to her one bedroom apartment and I purposefully got drunk just to see what would happen between them. There they were laying in the floor facing each other and I heard Derrick say I was a charity case as well as desperate ex who couldn’t let go. My soul was crushed. Like how could he say that about me? How could he form those words about me? When he was the one telling me that he wanted to marry me, be with me, have a family with me, and have forever with me!!! That’s the night I also found out that they had been hooking up behind my back when he would tell me that they were working on music together. She called him sugar lips and he called her his musically inclined angel. My heart was broken but I still wanted a family with him what was I suppose to do?! I was between a rock and a hard place.