Ally Way

I was probably six years old the first time I ever saw an autistic child. It was when I was in the first grade and I was walking with my class to lunch and we walked past a boy who was wearing a white t-shirt, holding his shoes in his hand, with a lot of drool dripping down his mouth and he was moaning and groaning. When he first caught my eyes I just laughed at him pretty hard. A couple classmates of mine also laughed too because we didn’t understand his conditioning. My first grade teacher softly shut down our laughter by simply saying “He’s a special boy just like the rest of you”. Over time in my life I would end up seeing a lot of individuals like that young boy I first saw back in first grade. What I never imagined is that one of them would end up being near and dear to my heart and would give life to a special kind of love in me that I had previously never known, a love that would change me.

When I started my current job a couple years ago I met one of my best and closest friends, Bookworm. Of course as we became close and started hanging out I met her all of her family, including her daughter. She informed long before I met her daughter when we first started talking that her daughter was autistic. I didn’t exactly have an emotional reaction to this revelation, I just initially thought “well that’s interesting, I’ve never really known anyone who was autistic, not on a close personal level anyway”. Though me and Bookworm hit it off pretty well I was very curious to see what my time with her daughter would be like.

Bookworm’s daughter goes by the nickname “Tinky”. When I first met Tinky she was an energetic, yet very shy little girl. She has this reserved smile that she always kept tilted when she was on her phone and it was always like she was in her own world. She did seem to be very interactive with her mom, grandma and aunt, basically the people she was closest to and knew best. She was always calling their names and constantly looking around and asking where they were if they weren’t in the room. During her earliest times with me she didn’t really talk to me, she would just give me that shy and reserved smile briefly, but then never even acknowledged the fact that I was around. Whenever I left the room and said bye she would just quickly look my way, but didn’t acknowledge that I was leaving. I didn’t realize how fast this was going to change and in return, I was changed.

As time went on and I spent more time with Bookworm and Tink, Bookworm started telling me that whenever there was a time that I didn’t come around Tinky would be disappointed and ask “Where is Joe?” in a sad voice. I actually didn’t believe this when she first told me because Tinky never really acknowledged me when I was around, but sure enough it was becoming more clear. Bookworm would tell me more and more about how Tinky was disappointed when I wasn’t around for something and that she would even have to cheer her up sometimes, yet I still found it hard to believe because I never saw it for myself.

Eventually I did see it for myself when one day I met Bookworm at Tinky’s school after work to give her back something she had left with me. After giving her back her belongings I turned around to leave and I heard Tinky say something that made Bookworm go “Awww” and ask me did I hear her. When I went back to hear what was said, Tinky looked at me with a sad face and affectionately said “Stay”. I can’t lie, this moment really melted my heart. I told her that if she behaved in school and did all her homework then I would come visit as previously planned and to that she looked up at me with a big beautiful smile and gave me a thumbs up.

Fast forward to today and every week Tinky asks her mom to make sure I come to visit them. She also makes sure that when I come to visit I have to sit by her and if I don’t she gives me a thumbs down and a sad face until I move next to where she’s sitting. Sometimes it’s hard to leave her because she has the saddest face when I leave, which I always try to get rid of by telling her that I’ll be back. In bonding with Tinky I’ve learned not only a lot about her, but also what lives in the heart of an autistic child with special needs. I have learned that the heart of a child with special needs is just as precious as everyone else and in some ways even more precious. They want like we want, they need like we need, and they love just like we love.

I have also learned a lot about what it means to be the family of a person with special needs, as well as what it means to take care of them. These families live with challenges that take a lot patience and strength to deal with, yet it in no way lessens the worth of that precious child. I am extremely thankful for the blessing in my life name Tinky. I love her almost as much as she loves me and I am also thankful for the lessons that she has taught me about special children.

~~For Bookworm and Tinky.

Love you both.