Alessia Scita: The Essential Arithmetic of the Heart

I have always believed that wisdom can emerge from the most unexpected places—not just from the hallowed halls of academia or the boardrooms of power, but in the everyday conversations, in the quiet reflections of young people finding their footing in the world. When a young woman, someone like Alessia Scita, shares a piece of her personal philosophy with the world, it invites us all to pause and truly listen. Her observations, delivered with the clarity and directness that comes with truly seeing a truth for yourself, strike at the core of what it means to connect, what it means to love.

She suggests an arithmetic for the heart, a fundamental equation: If you are an individual lacking love, lacking empathy, lacking true affection within your own reserves, it becomes exceptionally difficult—perhaps even impossible—to genuinely love another. That capacity, she asserts, must first be resident within you. "Amare è dare l'amore che hai dentro," she said. Love is giving the love you have inside.

This is a profound, even challenging, premise, particularly in a culture that sometimes conflates desire with devotion, and intensity with intimacy. It asks us to confront the state of our own internal well-being before we reach out to partner with another soul.

We have all witnessed the difference between what is truly love and what is merely a frantic, consuming hunger. Alessia, chef, models, web personality, speaks to this distinction with startling precision. She articulates the mechanism of what is not-love: the obsession, the destructive patterns, the intentional or unintentional emotional wreckage. The behaviors she mentions—the attempts to "love bomb," the psychological and emotional depletion inflicted upon another—these are not acts of giving; they are acts of taking. They are not about cherishing a partner; they are about filling a void within oneself.

When someone lacks that foundational sense of self-worth, that internal reservoir of compassion, they seek to extract it from another person. This extraction can manifest as an obsessive focus, a need for control, or an all-encompassing drama that masquerades as passion. It can be manipulative, reducing the other person to a psychological prop rather than recognizing them as an independent, whole human being. The desperate intensity may utter the words "I love you," but the actions—the emotional constriction, the psychological abuse—speak a language entirely different. The genuine expression of love is expansive; the counterfeit is always restrictive.

Alessia’s clarity helps us define the crucial difference. Obsession consumes; love cultivates. Obsession destroys the emotional and psychological landscape; love builds it up. Obsession is transactional, seeking to gain something; love is generative, seeking only to contribute. This brave young woman, seemingly grounded by her experiences and possessed of a thoughtful demeanor, is asking a question essential for healthy relationships: What is your internal currency? How can you invest in another person’s happiness if your own bank is empty?

It is the recognition that love is not a boundless, external resource that one can simply tap into when convenient. It is the product of continuous internal work, of cultivating your own sense of self, your own empathy, and your own connection to your deepest values. When we choose to nurture kindness for ourselves, when we practice forgiveness for our own inevitable failings, we are simultaneously building the capacity to extend that same grace outward. The self-assuredness that comes from this internal abundance is precisely what allows a person to love without attachment, to care without control, and to give without demanding reciprocation as payment.

For those of us who have spent years encouraging people to embrace their authenticity, to show up for themselves with compassion, Alessia’s words resonate deeply. She is presenting an argument for self-sufficiency as the prerequisite for true partnership. You see, when you rely on another person to be the sole source of your validation or happiness, you place an intolerable burden upon them. That burden inevitably warps the relationship into something unsustainable, something that inevitably leads to emotional exhaustion for both parties.

Think of it not as a philosophical problem, but as a practical challenge. If your well is dry, you cannot draw water to share. If you are operating from a place of chronic emotional scarcity—if you are running on empty—then the energy you bring to a relationship will not be sustaining. It will be demanding. It will be a drain. Love, real love, is sustained by mutual strength, by two people who are already whole choosing to share their lives, not by two halves desperately trying to complete one another.

Her final, most elegant point underscores the power of personal agency: "You decide how much to give, and it depends on how much you have. This places the ownership of love squarely on the individual. It removes the mystical, fated quality often associated with love and replaces it with conscious choice and personal accountability. We are not victims of emotion; we are the architects of our emotional lives.

The profound responsibility this concept places upon us is enormous: it mandates that the greatest project we ever undertake is the cultivation of our own heart. If we want enduring, joyful, equitable relationships, then the work must begin with ourselves. We must commit to filling our own reservoir with empathy, with self-respect, and with the quiet, sturdy conviction that we are enough. Only then do we have a full cup to offer another, and only then does the act of giving become an act of real, sustaining love, rather than a desperate plea for reassurance. That, my friends, is a wisdom worth carrying forward!