A Stranger named dad

The hustle and bustle of people going to and fro mixed with the electronic beeps, and chimes of metal detectors or ticket terminals came together in a blanket of noise that filed the every inch with buzzing energy. A strange mix of anxiety and excitement seemed to radiate from the crowded waiting chairs by the entry gates, stewardess’s hurried to their positions getting ready to start the boarding process.

All around me everything buzzed with that same intense energy, the pull of anxiety of my first plane ride kept me grounded as I followed behind my aunt to a small table in a café to wait for our plane to begin boarding.

My aunt shifted nervously in her seat, an air of melancholy seemed to hang around her as her expression shifted from agitated to worry to somber discomfort as she looked around the airport.

My stomach growled as the smell of coffee and something sweet and bready wafted through the café, I excitedly took the manila colored menu ready to enjoy something sweet with my aunt to commemorate my first plane ride.

My aunt gently took the menu, and held my hand. “I need to talk to you, and I don’t want you to get upset.” Thinking back to this time now I can see that she was doing everything she could to hold back tears, but in my rose colored world I couldn’t see the red around her eyes, or recognize the way she held onto my hand like I was going to disappear.

I had no reason to be upset, I was so excited! “I won’t get upset.” I smiled and held her hand, thinking that whatever she would say couldn’t be enough to disperse my excitement.

A waiter delivered something to a nearby table, the smell of cinnamon drew my attention to the dining room around me in search of the tantalizing smell making my stomach growl again at the delicious smells.

She took a deep breath and leaned in a bit closer drawing my attention back to her, “When you go to your dad’s, you’re not coming back.”

I was struck deft, a cold numbness creeped in as my aunt continued talking unaware that I couldn’t hear anything at all, she wiped away tears as she spoke. Her free hand braced against her forehead when it wasn’t catching tears, her face red and distraught.

“Okay.” I probably interrupted her, but it didn’t seem to matter.

She sat up and reorganized herself taking a few breaths before picking up the menu I had been holding barely a minute ago. “Do you want anything?” she looked towards the dining room in the direction the cinnamon smell had come from before, “Something smells really good.”

“Yeah.” I managed to say even though I could no longer smell the sweet bready scents, or the spicy cinnamon than had been tantalizing me moments before.

The whirl of tickets being printed, and the electronic beeps no longer sounded like an electrifying song, the mix of people talking and the rhythmic thump of luggage wheels on tile mixing all together just seemed like noise now.

We sat in silence until the boarding gate across from our little café table chimed and people stood, readying to board.

The stewardess began to call for all those taking flight 42D to make their way to the boarding gate, my aunt stood still holding my hand and led me towards the gate.

I don’t know if she held my hand for comfort or to make sure I didn’t run away.

“Why do I have to go live with my dad?” I wasn’t sure if she could hear me I was so quiet.

My aunt didn’t answer right away, the line shuffled forward and she took a deep breath,

“I don’t know, she gave me several excuses, but anyone who knows you can see that there all bullshit.”

We stood in silence as the stewardess’s checked tickets ahead of us and ushered people through the boarding gate.

“I’ve never met him…” I was staring at the floor hoping by some miracle the plane would break down and I wouldn’t have to fly across the United Stated to a stranger named dad.

My aunt didn’t say anything else.

It was finally our turn at the gate, “Tickets please.” The stewardess smiled as she checked my aunt’s ticket, “I rescheduled my flight for today so she had someone to accompany her.” My aunt told the stewardess referring to me.

“You’re flying together?” The question was directed at me as I handed her my ticket.

“Yeah.” I smiled meekly as the stewed checked my ticket.

“Enjoy your flight” she said handing me back my ticket, I gave another meek smile and followed behind my aunt.

Our seats were separate, which she seemed distressed about, but it didn’t matter to me. I would be alone with strangers under the guise of family in a few hours, what was a plane ride with people I didn’t know compared to living with people I’d never met.

I thought about running away when I landed, but what use would it do? I could have run away before getting on the plane, but what would my mother do when she found out? I didn’t want to think about it.

As I sat through the plane ride in silence the days leading up to my trip began to make much more sense, why my mother insisted I pack more and more clothes, why she insisted I not bring any books home over spring break, and her lies about only staying a two weeks, so many things now made sense.

After my plane ride my aunt drove me to meet my father for the first time, in the middle of the night in a small country town he, and my step mother and half-brother came to pick me up.

A week went by, we toured San Antonio and the river walk, and we fed wild life, and explored museums. My father asking me every once in a while how I was enjoying it, and lying to preserve the peace I said yes.

My father had asked for help loading the truck naming me to come help, “So how have you liked your vacation?”

It had been a week but I still felt empty and cold, but what did that matter when I knew I couldn’t leave? “It’s been nice, I’ve had fun.” I faked a smile, and he seemed convinced.

“Well how would you like to stay with us forever?”

“What?” I was confused as to why he would ask me when I didn’t have a choice.

He smiled now misreading my confusion as excitement, and looking like the cat who caught the canary he asked again, “How would you like to come live with us?”

I felt woozy I was so confused, “I thought that was why I was here?” I wasn’t sure what was going on, or why he was asking, but his smile disappeared the instant he heard that I knew.

“Oh, it was supposed to be a surprise!” he faked a laugh making light of the situation, “Did your aunt tell you?” there was an edge to his words like he already knew the answer.

“Yeah, she told me before I got on the plane.” Realization crashed into me, and I wished I could just disappear.

“Well, you still got on the plane so I guess you didn’t hate the idea.” He shrugged and climbed in the truck as if that was enough of an answer for him.

My stomach began to ache as my step mother and brother came carrying the last of their stuff and chunked it into the bed of the truck.

My step mom got in the truck first leaving my brother and me to close up the tail gate.

He shuffled things around the bed before closing it up “Why did you choose to come live with us?” there was an eerie stillness to him when he asked like he was holding his breath.

I could have lied, but I didn’t see the use, “I didn’t, my mom said I was visiting, but I found out before I got on the plane that she was sending me away.” He didn’t seemed surprised in the least.

“Why did you get on the plane then?” from his question I could guess that if he was given the choice he would have run.

“Where would I go if I didn’t? My mom wants to get rid of me, if it wasn’t here it would be somewhere else.” He seemed to think about what I said for a moment before heading to get in the truck.

Before opening the door he looked towards the driver’s seat where our father was, and then back at me, “Somewhere else would be better than with him.” He opened the truck door and climbed in before I could ask why.

I stood and looked around the unfamiliar landscape before climbing in the truck, what could a 15 year old do after being abandoned by the only parent they’d ever known? I didn’t know, so I tried to live with the stranger called dad.