A PIECE OF MY MIND

I blew hard, repeatedly gasping for air, each breath mandatorily drawn orally and not through nasal orifices blocked by... what? For nearly an hour to clear my right nasal passage from the obstruction causing me to lose consciousness. It was funny to me that my face had grown to a rubbery texture. Unreal for anyone not in film and theatre. As I gasped and blew I could feel myself slipping into a blackout. Just before falling across one end of my bed, I felt it fall free from one nasal... my right nasal drew a bit of air. Through dimmed eyes, I could see a small clump of blue-grey tissue in my hand. I blacked out.

*

It was long after any injury I sustained and there was no "abusive lover" at hand, and I don't believe I'd been assaulted. It did not occur to me to phone the Veteran's Clinic Physician or get to the emergency room at a local hospital. What could it possibly be or have been that caused the "white as a ghost" appearance and rubbery texture to my face and neck? I don't remember the surrounding events in my apartment along about that time. I know that I was alone... my son was two weeks into a rescue visit at my daughter's Northbrook home. The most troubling issue was that after waking up from the blackout, I found myself on my bed covered in a sticky white slime similar to that used in operating rooms of most hospitals. There were no mercurochrome stains and no blood to be seen on anything. I was dizzy and had no control of my balance... standing, sitting nor walking. As far as I know, no one had come into my apartment over whatever the length of time I missed for the occasion. Over the days following the missing time I developed an inner ache... it was as though my body was battling itself from within. The exact description of an erroneous blood transfusion. Weeks later, after regaining some sense of balance, recovering a bit of control over vocabulary and juxtaposition of people, places, and things in and around my immediate scenario, I began to venture out of doors on walks to a nearby gas station; and later, to a strip mall near the apartment complex. No one said anything to me about any unusual event or string of events. A letter in the mail from Veteran Affairs mentioned my necessary attendance at an upcoming appointment. I followed through and attended the appointment to hear that a blood test and mammogram were being scheduled and that I was expected to travel the distance of 175 miles to a Veterans Hospital for Magnetic Resonance Imaging and CAT Scan.

...................

Now, some eighteen years later, I jokingly look back to wonder which brain I am at loss for. Am I changed at all for the "LEFT BRAIN/RIGHT BRAIN" functionality? According to one physician, there was a possibility that an interior cranial fracture was missed in the original x-ray on the day of my injury at the emergency room. There was the announcement of fractures but the documentation was and is missing. Granted we all expect to lose our faculties as we age, but that day I am sure there was much more loss than ever recorded in any medical record made available to me. I can not help but wonder if in having blown my "Right-Brain" out that day, what compensation does the balance of brain need perform for my continued competency in life? What would I need to compare to the norm of society? Then too... if I fail at retaining rote memory of recent information... perhaps it was a crossover effect. Perhaps I blew my LEFT BRAIN out and technology is beyond my grasp from that day on. Perhaps I will never know anything more than that I have indeed survived ... whatever that was.

Se La Vie

which do you have in mind? left brain or right brain? (click to see)