A Change for Good

Since I was a child, my goal was to please people and gain their approval. We all know that this is not healthy, but the more approval I got the bigger my high was. It was most important to gain the approval of my parents, my sister, close friends and my boss for all areas of my life. I was getting burnt out attempting to please everyone. Looking after eveyone else meant no one was looking after me.

After loosing my job due at the start of Victoria's 2020 lockdown, my eyes were opened. No one was there for me, no was there to comfort me. This was the turning point, I had to make changes to look after myself. Now this change was no easy, I felt like I was loosing a lot of friends (or so- called friends) as I was spending more time on myself.

The hardest part of this process was working out where to start, I took the first step of admitting that I needed help. Reaching out my GP and finding a counselor was the first step. For the first time in my life I felt raw and venable sitting in front of my GP asking for help. Luckily help wasn't far away. The first thing we tackled was my anixety, I was given a small dose of Lexapro, to help me feel better so I can do the rest. My counselor is amazing, she listened and comforted me when I was in tears. The most important she taught me was to "Love Yourself".

This was the changing point in my journey. Learning to Love Yourself, was difficult at first. I started off by talking to myself in the mirror and reffering to myself in the thrid person. Each morning I would stand in from on the mirror and say "Your Beautiful, Your Loved, Your Strong" and "I Love You". It sounded strange saying I Love You to yourself, the more I said the more I felt the warm feeling inside. Next I would take myself out for a walk, I would purposly leave my headphones at home, this meant I could concentrate on the world around me. Doing small things for your self throughout the day, from having a walk outside on your lunch break to listening to feel good music on the way home.

After being able to Love Myself, I learnt a new word "NO". Telling people you love and care about NO you can do something for them. Telling my sisters no I could not babysit or spend time with them was tough. In the begining they did not understand, luckily my parents stepped in and explained why I was able to spend time with them. To this day, I still get phone calls each and every Friday night and Saturday, wanting to know if I can babysit. I love my family to bits, however setting boundaries and allocating time to spend with them has allow me to spend time on myself.

So far I have fallen in Love with myself, set boundaries so I can spend more time looking after me now it was time sort look after me. I joined a gym, found a supportive trainer to get myself in shape. Now I head to the gym 3 times a week, I am happier spending time at the gym. I like the achievement that I can go harder than ever. Next step was to update my wardrobe, so I had a shopping spree. This was my favourite part.

Late one night I was watching TV I saw an add for e-harmony, and decided why not! After a couple of failed attempts of finding a partner I was lucky to find my current partner. We have been together just over 6 months, I have never been so happy with my life.

This journey took over 12 months to complete and was tough but I broke the cycle and got out of the rut. Yes it seemed impossible at times, but everything happens for a reason. This is my story and I hope that this encourages you to make the change.