To Return, Remember

They blinked—and the endless staircase vanished.

In its place: fluorescent lights, a buzzing projector, and the sterile scent of dry-erase markers filled their senses. They sat at a desk near the back of a classroom. Papers rustled. A chalkboard read:

“Final Project Presentations – Due Next Friday!”

Their hands gripped a half-completed worksheet. Diagrams and notes they didn’t remember writing stared back at them. The handwriting was familiar. The content wasn’t.

Around them, students whispered and scribbled, heads buried in notebooks. Jordan sat two rows ahead, chatting with someone they didn’t recognize. Oliver leaned back in his seat near the windows, staring outside as if looking for a way out. George? Nowhere to be seen.

They blinked again.

This isn’t right. They thought, confused.

“Hey loser,” called a student directly behind them. “You fall asleep in class, again?”

“Shut up, Jimmy,” they replied, giving him a dark glare.

How did they know this kid’s name? Why weren’t they talking with Jordan like they used to? Something felt off, but they couldn’t quite place it.

Examining themself, they noticed their body had begun female puberty. The buds of their breasts were sensitive to the touch, while their hips had begun to widen, and their voice was slightly more feminine than they would have liked. This wasn’t supposed to be who they truly were, was it?

The bell rang, signaling the end of the day.

Chairs scraped against tile. Students filtered out. Jordan passed by without a glance. No familiar smirk, no side-eye tease. Just another stranger.

They stood slowly, heart racing.

Their locker combination didn’t come to mind.

Their phone had no saved numbers. None that they recognized anyway.

Their house—if it even existed—felt like a place they’d never been.

This wasn’t home. This wasn’t real.

And yet… everything looked exactly as it should.

Panicking, they felt the need to contact Jordan and Oliver. Try to find out why they weren’t friends.

Outside, they saw Jordan with three other students; George and Oliver were not among them.

“Jordan,” they began. “What’s going on? I thought we were friends.”

Jordan gave her a piercing gaze.

“Who told you that?” she asked. “Why would Jessica, the whore of high school, want to be friends with me?”

Jessica was taken aback. They now had a name, but also a reputation; one they shouldn’t be proud of.

“Who started calling me that?” Jessica asked, hurt. “I don’t remember having any relationships this year.”

“Oh, please,” Jordan scoffed. “Don’t tell me you forgot about Bobby from the summer break. He was your first victim. You only dated him for about two weeks before dumping him for Jeremy.”

“No, that’s not true,” Jessica stammered.

“Then something changed for him. So, he dumped you for some girl named Sarah, but that’s beside the point.”

“Sarah was a classmate, that I thought could be my friend,” Jessica replied. “She must have thought she could use me for that purpose.”

“Then, you went with Dylon, who you ghosted after a single date.” Jordan was rather heated now. “And don’t even think about forgetting that we did try to hook up. That was probably the longest relationship of the year to date. Until you met your current boy toy, Max. We tried doing a three way, but you just couldn’t handle the responsibilities, so I ended it for you.”

“What?” Jessica was stunned. “We--”

“Can it! I have nothing more to say to you.” With that, she turned on her heel and stormed off to ride with her current friend group.

Jessica suddenly felt a mix of shame, guilt, and anger rising in them, all at once. Shame for losing someone they cared very deeply for. Guilt for acquiring such a reputation; anger at themself for allowing this to happen.

That trickster demon must have done something to create this reality, they thought, dismally. But, how were they to return to their true reality, now?

As the bus pulled away, leaving Jessica standing in front of the house that should be familiar, they couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread creep over them. The address was correct, yet there were no cars in the driveway, and all the lights were off.

“Hello Jess,” called the neighbor, as he stood trimming the hedges that divided the properties. “You have a good day at school?”

“Hi Mr. Greene,” Jess replied, shrugging, as they walked up the simple stone path leading to the house. “I guess it was okay. I’ll be glad when summer break starts.”

“Ah, won’t be long now,” he replied. “You got what, two weeks left, and then you have a whole season to do as you please, eh?”

“That’s right,” they replied, thinking.

“You think you might get a summer job to help your father out? Must be hard on him, what with… everything,” he added, his tone faltering at the mention of Jess’s father.

A job? Having to go someplace to be trapped for four to six hours a day making minimum wage just to make someone else richer? No, thank you. They thought, dismally. “Thank you for your concern, but I think we can manage just fine.”

Shrugging, he went back to his clipping, as Jess made their way to the house.

Climbing the stairs to the front porch, they thought about their parents, but couldn’t think why Mr. Greene would bring them up like that.

Loosely tacked to the front door was a hastily written note. It read:

“Working late, then to the hospital.

Make yourself dinner, but don’t wait up.

--Dad”

Ripping the paper from the door, Jess unlocked it and walked inside. This didn’t make any sense, who was in the hospital, and how long had this been going on?

Jess looked around at the house, placing their backpack on the floor near the front door. Everything seemed to be in the correct place, but the sense that something was missing wouldn’t go away.

The house almost seemed abandoned, like no one had lived here for years. The regular sound coming from the television as James worked on some project or another was now silent. Smells no longer wafted through from the kitchen where Freya cooked the meals in the evenings. Jess was beginning to feel alone and vulnerable.

Jess looked around the living room, studying the pictures across the mantle. They picked up a frame, trying to remember when the image was taken.

Suddenly, the phone in their pocket began to vibrate, making them jump slightly, dropping the picture frame to the floor. Looking to the device, the name didn’t register right away.

“Hello?” Jessica answered.

The voice on the other end of the line didn’t sound familiar, but they knew who Jess was.

“Hey, Jess, glad I caught you,” the voice responded. “Can we talk? I know things didn’t quite end the way we wanted them to, but I need to see you. Just for a few minutes, if that’s all right.”

“I don’t know,” Jess replied, placing a hand under their elbow. “I’m trying to get my things figured out right now, Dylon. I have a lot on my mind.”

Silence. For a moment, Jess thought he might have hung up.

“I understand how you’re feeling, but I thought we were still friends,” he replied. “I want to help you as best I can. Please, let me come over so we can talk.”

“You know what, sure. I think I could use some company for a bit,” Jess replied, looking around the house.

“Great, I’ll be there in about ten minutes.”

“So, I know this might sound crazy, but I have this feeling like I don’t belong here,” Jess began.

Once Dylon arrived, they offered him a seat on the couch. Dylon accepted, seeming to have something more on his mind than just a friendly chat.

“If we started out as friends, and tried to take things further, I don’t see how that could work out. I mean you’re a year older than me. Wouldn’t it be awkward to have a girlfriend who’s still in school after you graduate?”

Dylon nodded. “I know how you feel. Everything that’s happened over the last three months must be so overwhelming.”

Jess furrowed their brow. “Three months? No, I’m talking about today, and my conversation with Jordan.”

They fell silent, thinking. What happened over the last three months, and why can’t I remember any of it?

A knock at the door startled them out of their thoughts. Jess stood and opened the door to find Max standing on the porch.

“Hey,” he said. “I was hoping you’d be home. I just came by to see how you were before I head out with the guys for a few hours.”

“Well, I’m kind of busy,” Jess stated, motioning for Max to enter. “Dylon and I were just discussing some things.”

Max looked toward the living room, and noticed Dylon seated on the couch. He gave a small wave, before turning back to Jess.

“I thought you weren’t seeing him anymore,” Max stated, a bit annoyed. “Why is he here, now?”

“We’re still friends,” Jess said, defensively. “And that’s none of your business.”

Dylon got up and approached from where he sat. “I think I should probably go,” he said. “It seems like you need some time to get yourself situated. I hope I’m not bothering you too much.”

“No, Dylon,” Jess began, placing a hand to their forehead, the room had begun to spin slightly. “I need help figuring out what I’m missing. I don’t remember anything from this past year before today. Please, stay a bit longer.”

“Sorry, I can’t,” he said. “I promise we can talk again later.” He nodded to Max as he walked past and headed for the door. Jess reached out, trying to keep him a bit longer, but barely clipped his sleeve. Everyone seems to leave before I have a chance to explain.

As the door closed, Max took the opportunity to question Jess. He had a look of annoyance on his face, that Jess didn’t like.

“Why was he here?” Max asked, harshly. “Have you been having second thoughts about our relationship?”

“Max, I just wanted to know what he knew that I might have forgotten, that’s all.”

Jess returned to the couch, while Max followed. Sitting beside them, he took Jess’s hand in his. For some reason they felt more clammy than they should. She wanted to pull away, but didn’t want to alarm him.

“Look, you know you can trust me, right?” He kissed their hand, and they nodded. “Anything you need, I can give you. There’s no reason to go around asking others for help. I’m right here. I love you, Skippy.” She’d never told anyone about their father’s pet name for them before, how did he know it? “But I need to have my woman just like that: a woman. Are you trying to say you believe all this woke shit, now?”

“But that’s the problem,” Jess replied, shaking their head. “I don’t know what I believe. Everything is so confusing, that I don’t remember saying yes to dating you in the first place. I don’t remember dating anyone.”

Was Jordan right to label me a whore?

They began to feel themself flailing, like they were drowning. The walls began to close in, as the air felt heavier and harder to breathe. It was almost as though they were struggling to reach a surface that continued to slip away.

“That or how my father ended up going to the hospital every day after work, or anything.” Taking a deep breath, they calmed a little. “I know enough to understand that in this reality I’m just a girl,” their voice cracked. “So, why don’t I feel like a girl?”

As Jess spoke, they began to feel increasingly helpless, while tears streamed down their face. Max pulled them close and held them, as the uncontrollable sobbing continued.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you like that, darling” he started. “If it makes you feel any better, I can help clear things up a little for you, but I don’t think you’d really want to know.”

Jess pulled away, wiping tears from their eyes. Their heart began to race, Finally. Maybe now I can understand what is happening.

“Please, tell me everything you know.” Their breath became shallower as the thoughts rushed through their mind. “I can’t stand to live with this imposter feeling anymore.”

“Your mother’s in the hospital,” he said, nonchalantly. “She’s been there for the last three months... since the car accident.” His features softened. “That’s why your dad keeps working late hours, trying to make sure the hospital bills are paid.”

“No,” they said, quietly, shaking their head. “That can’t be true.”

Max looked at them, brows drawn together in concern, but with something else behind his eyes—annoyance? Pity?

“Jess, you were there,” he said, slower this time. “You cried for days. You stopped eating. You...you weren’t the same after. You said you needed time, remember?”

But they didn’t. None of this felt like theirs. It felt inserted, like a script they hadn’t auditioned for but was being forced to read from.

Jessica looked around again. The house still looked like home, but now every picture frame on the wall seemed staged. Every object slightly off, like a movie set that hadn’t finished dressing.

“If it might make you feel better, why don’t you come with me and the guys tonight,” Max offered. “Take your mind off everything you think is wrong.”

“Take me there,” they said.

“What?” Max blinked.

“To the hospital,” Jess demanded. “If my mom’s really there, if this isn’t just another performance in this...whatever this is, then prove it. I want to see her. Now.”

He hesitated. His mouth opened, like he might argue, but something in their expression must’ve changed his mind. Wordlessly, he reached into his pocket, pulled out his keys, and gave a half-hearted nod toward the door.

The drive was quiet. Max kept glancing at them like he was trying to gauge something, like he didn’t quite trust what he was seeing. Jess stared out the window, heart pounding. They caught glimpses in the reflection on the window of something they couldn’t explain. Max’s face was a blur until they looked directly at him.

The world outside passed in near silence, slightly blurred, like a dream not fully rendered.

They pulled into the hospital lot just after twilight. Pale blue light bathed the building’s brick façade. The entrance slid open with a mechanical sigh. Jess stepped inside, the sterile air biting at their skin. It felt real—too real.

The elevator ride up was slow, each floor lighting up like a countdown. Jess’s head felt like it was about to explode. Their ears began ringing with a high pitch, and they began to feel dizzy the longer they were in the elevator.

Max walked them to the ICU, swiped a visitor’s pass from the desk without a word, and led them to a room near the end of the hall.

There, through the glass, Jess saw a woman lying motionless in a hospital bed. Tubes ran from her arms, a ventilator hissed rhythmically, and a heart monitor pulsed steady with green lines across the screen.

Jess stepped inside, breath catching in their throat.

The woman looked like their mother. But not quite.

They moved closer, trembling. “Mom?”

No answer.

Their hand hovered near the bed rail. The room hummed with machines and something else— tension.

Jess turned back to Max.

“What is this?” they asked, voice cracking. “Why don’t I remember? Why does everything feel like it’s one step off from the truth?”

Max looked at her for a long moment, then quietly shut the door behind him. As his hand left the handle, Jess’s head felt lighter. A wave of nausea washed over them, but quickly subsided.

“Because you’re not supposed to be here,” he said.

“He’s right, you know,” came a familiar voice from behind the curtain. Soft and hollow, Jess knew James was in the room with them, but it wasn’t the same man that taught them how to traverse the Astral. This man was different. A mere shell of his former self.

“Dad,” Jess said, tears welling in their eyes once more. “What happened? This isn’t you, I need help getting to the Other Side.”

James closed his weary eyes, shaking his head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. There is no ‘other side’ as you put it.” His mouth moved without sound. “Not safe here,” before the light left his eyes once more.

“Then what is this place?” they asked. “Is it a dream? Purgatory?”

“Once the body dies, that’s it, there’s nothing after,” James replied. “Soon, it’ll be that way for your mother as well. They’re looking to take her off life support any day now.”

“I want to go home,” they turned to Max, who had been silent until now. “Max, please, take me home, now.”

Max slicked his hair back with the palm of his hand. For a split-second, Jess swore his fingers bent wrong. Too many knuckles, but the moment passed before they could think on it.

“I don’t have time for this ridiculous nonsense,” he said, frustrated. “When you get your head straight, give me a call. In the meantime, you can go home with your dad.”

Jess nodded but remained silent as Max walked out the door, heading to his car. Jess began to feel slightly better, once Max left. Shortly after, a nurse entered the room.

“I’m sorry, but visiting hours are over,” she said. “You’ll have to come back tomorrow.”

Hi Dad,

I don’t know if you’ll see this or not, but I thought I should tell you, I don’t belong here. I don’t know why, but everything feels wrong to me. You don’t call me by my pet name anymore: it’s “Skippy” by the way.

Anyway, I feel like this life could’ve been mine, if I was more of a risk-taker, but that doesn’t feel like me. The friend group I have here feels like I must put on a show every time we get together; it’s exhausting.

I know it’s only been a couple days, but it feels like a lifetime that I should be somewhere else. Like, I have memories of being hit by a car and winding up in a hospital bed, barely breathing.

I know that doesn’t make any sense, but it feels like my true life. I’m supposed to be held by someone who really cares, not someone that pretends while carrying a scorecard.

This will be the last thing this version of myself will communicate with you. I’m sure it won’t matter, but I hope everything returns to normal by morning.

Your child,

Jess

Sitting at the small desk in their room near the window, Jessica re-read what was on the page. A small breeze blew in carrying the scent of early summer air with it. Jessica closed their eyes, taking in the scents and the feel of the cool air on their face. It was getting late, and they were starting to feel tired. Their eyelids were getting heavier the longer they tried to stay awake.

Maybe when they get to sleep, this whole nightmare could be washed away. Turning off the desk lamp, Jess went toward the bed. As soon as they got the blanket down, a sound from the hall startled them into panic mode.

“Jeeeessssss,” called a familiar, yet layered voice from outside their door.

It sounded like Freya, but she was still in the hospital. How could she be in two places at once? Also, the voices of both Jordan and Max had been layered in.

“Dad?” they called, waiting before trying something different.

No response.

James must have been so exhausted that as soon as he got into bed, he was out cold. Unless he did hear them but refused to acknowledge that something bad might happen should he answer.

“Jeesss,” it called again, the voice sounding like something slithering in the darkness. A chill went down Jess’s spine.

“I’m going to bed, now,” they replied, quietly trying to muster their courage. “Go away.”

A knock at their door, caused Jess to catch their breath in their throat. A slow, deliberate rapping.

One.

Two.

Three knocks, followed by the sound of something breathing on the other side of the door.

“Jeeessss,” it called again, this time sounding angry. “Let me in, I want to sssee you.”

As the door began to open, Jess slammed all their weight against it, forcing it closed once more. Holding the door, it started shaking in its fame as the being on the other side pounded on the door in fury.

Boom.

Boom.

Boom.

“Let me in!” it screamed, no longer coaxing, but demanding.

“Whatever you are,” Jess gasped, holding the door with trembling arms. “I’m not interested in dealing with you right now.”

Suddenly, their eyes forced themselves shut, out of sheer pain. It was so intense, like their head had been placed inside a vice. The thing was feeding on their energy from this proximity. They held their head, and fell to the floor, biting back a scream.

The door exploded inward, splinters flying, as the hinges melted away. Jess stared out into the dark hallway. Standing before them was Max, his figure flickered; using Jess’s own face. While it spoke, Jordan’s voice echoed from its lips.

“There is no place for you here,” it said, but the voice was wrong. Like a tape played back at the wrong speed. “Why don’t you feel like a girl?”

It then switched to Max’s voice. “You can’t even remember who you were before today. Are you sure you’re even real?”

It stepped closer, bending down to whisper in Jess’s ear. “You don’t belong here; never did.”

“That may be true—for now,” Jess’s voice rasped between clenched teeth. “But I will not surrender until I can find my way back home.”

Jess forced themself to stand upright, swaying from the fatigue. Every nerve screamed, as they stared the mimic down, its stolen face smiling wider than a normal human’s mouth; it seemed pleased, like it already owned them.

Jess loosened the grip on their head. Then, with a snarl full of rage, they threw themselves forward.

The impact sent them both crashing to the floor. For an instant, the creature’s grip on Jess’s energy faltered, and the fog in their mind thinned.

Vision sharpened. Breath steadied.

For the first time since it appeared, Jess could see the thing for what it truly was.

The mimic snarled, its stolen lips curling into something too sharp to be human. On the floor, it thrashed beneath Jess for only a heartbeat before twisting with unnatural strength.

A clawed hand—neither Max’s, nor Jordan’s, but something slick and black-boned—slashed across Jess’s arm. White-hot pain seared through them as the mimic rolled on top, pinning Jess with inhuman weight.

Its face flickered once more, shifting into Freya’s smile, Jordan’s frown, Max’s eyes all bleeding into one.

Then, the feeding started.

Jess felt it. Like needles driving straight into their chest. Pulling, tugging, draining the warmth from their blood. Their vision dimmed, as though the thing were drinking the light itself.

Jess lay on the floor, too spent to fight back. Their chest heaved, as every ounce of strength bled away into the thing crouched over them. Its face wavered again—Jordan's eyes, Max’s voice, Freya’s smile—all wrong, all twisted into hunger.

Jess tried to push it off, but their arms felt like lead. The mimic’s grip tightened on their chest, its weight crushing, the drain pulling them toward a darkness they couldn’t fight.

“Jess!”

James’s voice cut through the haze a split-second before his boot connected with the creature’s ribs. Shrieking in pain, the mimic flew backward crashing into the far wall. It’s grip broke, and Jess gasped, as the pull on their life essence ebbed away.

The mimic scrambled to its feet, its body jerking unnaturally, as though it hadn’t chosen which form to wear. For the first time, it was startled.

James planted himself between Jess and the thing, fists clenched, his chest heaving with fury. “Stay away from my kid.”

The creature hissed, face splitting into too many mouths, before vaulting through the window, shattering glass as it went. Disappearing into the night, only a trail of cold air and Jess’s ragged breathing were left behind.

James sat in a chair next to Steph’s bed, one hand holding theirs, while Jordan mirrored him on the opposite side. This had gone on every day for the last three months. Trying to reach Steph, but something didn’t seem right.

“Where are you?” James pondered, looking to the still form lying on the bed. He rubbed his tired eyes, thinking of everything possible.

“Is there a specific place you may have forgotten about?” Freya asked, trying to help as best she could. “What about those Caves you said connected each of the various planes?”

He nodded, not wanting to admit he may have neglected the main form of travel all beginners must go through.

“Before you go any further, why don’t you get something to eat,” she advised, crossing her arms. “I know you both must be starving.”

Jordan shook her head. “My mom’s coming to get me soon, but I’ll be back tomorrow to help any way I can.”

James stood up, without a word and headed for the cafeteria.