The science of falling in love

Love is often described as heartwarming,

heart-wrenching and even heartbreaking. So, what does the brain have

to do with it? Everything! The journey from first spark to last tear

is guided by a symphony of neurochemicals and brain systems. As you begin to fall for someone, you may find yourself excessively

daydreaming about them and wanting to spend more and more

time together. This first stage of love is what

psychologists call infatuation, or passionate love. Your new relationship

can feel almost intoxicating, and when it comes to the brain,

that’s not far from the truth. Infatuated individuals show increased

activation in the ventral tegmental area. The VTA is the reward-processing

and motivation hub of the brain, firing when you do things like

eat a sweet treat, quench your thirst, or in more extreme cases,

take drugs of abuse. Activation releases the “feel good”

neurotransmitter dopamine, teaching your brain to repeat behaviors

in anticipation of receiving the same initial reward. This increased VTA activity is the

reason love's not only euphoric, but also draws you towards

your new partner. At this first stage, it may be hard to see

any faults in your new perfect partner. This haze is thanks

to love’s influence on higher cortical brain regions. Some newly infatuated individuals

show decreased activity in the brain’s cognitive center,

the prefrontal cortex. As activation of this region allows us

to engage in critical thought and pass judgment, it’s not surprising we tend to see

new relationships through rose-colored glasses. While this first stage of love can be an intense rollercoaster of emotions

and brain activity, it typically only lasts a few months, making way for the more long-lasting

stage of love, known as attachment,

or compassionate love. As your relationship develops, you may feel more relaxed

and committed to your partner thanks in large part to two hormones:

oxytocin and vasopressin. Known as pair-bonding hormones, they signal trust,

feelings of social support and attachment. In this way, romantic love

is not unlike other forms of love, as these hormones also help bond

families and friendships. Further, oxytocin can inhibit

the release of stress hormones, which is why spending time

with a loved one can feel so relaxing. As early love's suspension

of judgment fades, it can be replaced by a more honest

understanding and deeper connection. Alternatively, as your rose-colored

glasses begin to lose their tint, problems in your relationship

may become more evident. No matter the reason

a relationship ends, we can blame the pain that accompanies

heartbreak on the brain. The distress of a breakup activates

the insular cortex, a region that processes pain— both physical,

like spraining your ankle, as well as social,

like the feelings of rejection. As days pass, you may find yourself

once again daydreaming about or craving contact with your lost partner. The drive to reach out may

feel overwhelming, like an extreme hunger or thirst. When looking at photos

of a former partner, heartbroken individuals again show

increased activity in the VTA, the motivation and reward center

that drove feelings of longing during the initial stages

of the relationship. This emotional whirlwind also likely

activates your body’s alarm system, the stress axis, leaving you feeling

shaken and restless. As time goes on, higher cortical regions which oversee

reasoning and impulse control, can pump the brakes on this distress

and craving signaling. Given that these regions

are still maturing and making connections

through adolescence, it's no wonder that first heartbreak

can feel particularly agonizing. Activities like exercise,

spending time with friends, or even listening to your favorite song can tame this heartbreak stress response, while also triggering the release

of feel good neurotransmitter dopamine. And given time and the support, most can heal and learn from even

the most devastating heartbreak.