The Last Three Years

Chapter 1

It’s been three years since I last saw him. One-thousand and ninety-five days since he slammed the front door and never looked back. I’ve thought many times about that day. Every time has led to tears as I remember how many mistakes I made that never had the chance to be rectified. Of course, I would do it differently if I could, but second chances like that only happen in movies. I hurt him. I knew that as I was doing it, and yet I could never find the strength to stop. It went on for a long time, the affair that is, and like many mistakes, it started off innocent. A friendly coworker, a few late nights, inside jokes, and an accidental kiss.

March 12. Work was swamped, completely non-stop from nine a.m. to ten p.m. It was the longest day I’d ever spent at work. By the time I clocked out I was more than ready to go home to my loving husband and our two little girls. I left the building at the same time Corey did. He was the only thing that kept work bearable some days. We were best friends and had been for the seven years I had worked for that company. We spent countless lunch breaks discussing the latest gossip, and making fun of our other coworkers that we couldn’t stand. For the longest time I was even convinced he was gay. I learned I was wrong when I tried to set him up with my cousin. Needless to say that didn’t work out. We had a good laugh about it, and he and my cousin are even friends now. But March 12 changed all of that.

We were leaving the office, it was raining, and I had left my umbrella at home. Corey offered to share his, and while I wanted to be independent and just accept my fate, I gave in when the rain picked up. We didn’t have to walk far, only about a block to our parking spaces. The walk there was full of laughter, as my time with Corey usually was. When we arrived, the rain let up enough to make the umbrella unnecessary. We started to say our goodbyes as we crossed the parking lot. I was twenty feet from my car when it happened. Twenty feet from going home to my family and continuing our fairytale life we were building together. Twenty feet in front of my car was a pothole, one that I stepped in and nearly fell on my face. Luckily, Corey was there to catch me. Unluckily, as he caught me his arms wrapped around me and I felt myself being pulled closer, until the distance between us was nonexistent and his mouth was on mine.

The kiss lasted four seconds, four seconds longer than it should have. I pulled away when I realized what was happening, but it was too late. He apologized, but neither of us could find the right words, so after a quick, “sorry,” he ran to his car. I stood there a moment, trying to think through what just happened. When I moved again, I tripped on that same pothole. I had never been so relieved to feel myself hit the ground. When I got home Nathan was asleep on the couch, and Joanne and Lily were tucked in their beds. They grow up so quickly. Everyone told me that when they were first born, but it never seemed real until I was looking at them at five already, still picturing their first laughs, words, and steps. Everyone says this, but it’s true, being a mom has completely changed my life. It isn’t always easy, but it is so worth it.

I walked back to the living room, and gently woke Nathan. He’d gotten into a bad habit recently of falling asleep on the couch watching soap operas. I never enjoyed soaps, the drama was never ending and unnecessary, but Nathan loved them, and our daughters loved them too. Though I can’t say soap operas are the best influence. I’ve walked in on the twins pretending to be the stars of their own soaps many times. For whatever reason their make-believe always involved a cheating husband, and one sister consoling the other, while also offering to burn down the husband’s house. I was slightly concerned, but Nathan found it adorable, and a little imagination never hurt anyone.

I woke Nathan, and we went to bed. As we both laid in bed, I turned to tell him what had happened in the parking lot, but he had fallen asleep again. I decided it could wait until morning, and that it wouldn’t be a big deal anyways, he’d understand. So, I fell asleep. Morning came quickly, and I awoke to Joanne jumping on my feet, and Lily singing the ABC’s. As far as alarms go, I can’t imagine a better one. They saw I was awake, and Joanne grabbed my arms and began shouting for waffles. She dragged me to the kitchen, and I made them waffles, with chocolate chips in the batter, their favorite. Nathan came out in a rush as they were finishing their food, still tying his tie as he ran through the kitchen. He gave me a quick kiss, then ran out the door mumbling something about being late for work.

The clock read 7:47. He usually left at 7:30. He worked as a therapist in the local school. As he ran out the door, I realized I had never gotten the chance to tell him about the night before. That was my first mistake in a chain of many. At the time I told myself it was fine; I would tell him when we got back home. The more important thing was making sure the girls got on the bus on time, and that I made it to work on time too. After lots of crying over not being able to find two matching pairs of shoes, the girls got on the bus, and I drove myself to work. Corey’s car wasn’t in the parking lot, I assumed he walked that day, he didn’t live too far away, or he could have taken a sick day, though he doesn’t do that often. Whatever the reason, it didn’t matter.

When I got to my desk there was a letter, with my name printed on the top. I knew before I looked it would be from Corey. I should have just thrown it away, there was my second mistake. But I didn’t. I opened the letter and began to read as I sat down.

Angela,

What happened last night was wrong. I know that and I am truly sorry. But I have to be honest with you. I’ve known you for a long time now, and I have enjoyed every second we have spent together. I know this is inappropriate, but I am completely and unquestionably in love with you. I have been for three years now. I promised myself I would never act on it. I know you’re married, and your girls are adorable, and I could never want to hurt their family. I got caught up in my feelings yesterday. And while I regret the implications of it, I can’t regret the kiss itself. It’s selfish, I know. But I’ve wanted to do it for so long and I can’t lie and say it didn’t feel right. I hope we can talk about it, at least to find some compromise where I don’t have to lose you. Even just as my friend, you are everything to me.

Corey

By the end of the letter I was confused, and slightly offended. I knew he meant well, but he knows I am very happily married, and that a confession like that would go nowhere. But at the same time, I felt that I was about to lose my best friend. Corey walked in the office about an hour later, with two iced coffees and a container of donuts. I panicked, part of me wanted to sprint to the bathroom and hide, part wanted to go jump out the window, and the last part wanted a donut. Not knowing what to do, I did nothing. Corey walked over, said hi and handed me an iced coffee with cream, sugar, and peppermint flavor. Exactly what I’d order. I thought about refusing, but he gave me no chance. He walked away as quickly as he had come.

Another two hours into the workday I got a call from Nathan. I answered ready to confess everything and to ask him what I should do. I was never a fan of confrontation, and it was looking like no matter what I did it would be awkward. But before I could say a word, he said the worst possible thing.

“Hi darling, do you remember that offer I got to go work at a school in Germany for three months?”

“Of course, but I thought they had said they didn’t want to have you leave your family?”

“They did, but everyone else dropped out, and the children there need someone. This would be the chance of a lifetime, but I love you and our daughters more than anything and I won’t go if you ask me to stay.”

“I love you too. Which is why you have to go. I know how much this job would mean to you, and I think it’s a great opportunity. So, you should go. We can talk to the girls tonight, they’ll miss you. I’ll miss you.”

“Perfect. I’ll see you at home, bye.”

“Goodbye.”

The call ended, and I got back to work. Only six more hours before I could go home. Work was monotonous. Without Corey’s jokes the day went by slowly, but I didn’t want to be around him. Not now, and not before Nathan knew what happened. As the day wrapped up, and I got ready to leave, I noticed only two of us were still in the office. Carol and I were often the last two to leave. She was an older lady and the sweetest person I’d ever met. I held the door for her as we left, and she started talking to me about her oldest grandson Mike. I listened only partially; I was worried about Nathan leaving. Carol’s car was parked closer, so I said goodbye and continued towards my own.

The drive home took thirty minutes. Traffic was worse than usual, and I hit every red light that I possibly could. When I got home, Nathan and the girls were already there. Walking through the door I was greeted by the sound of Joanne’s laughter and the sight of Nathan and Lily dancing in the kitchen to the Backstreet Boys. When they noticed I had come in the laughter turned to excited yelling, and the dancing to running towards me like a tiny, adorable bulldozer. Soon I forgot all about work, and Corey. None of that meant anything when I was home with my family.

“How was work?” Nathan's voice brought me back to reality, and the girls ran off to play once more.

“Slow. The same as every other day.” It had been slow. Lots of paperwork, not much of anything else. He laughed softly, walking around the counter to hug me.

“Your friend Corey called about twenty minutes ago.” My heart stopped. After reading his letter earlier I didn’t know what to expect. I was ready for the worst. Corey could have easily lied and said I kissed him, or that it had been happening for a while. Anything to ruin my wonderful marriage. Nathan looked at me, waiting for some kind of reply.

“Really? What did he say? I didn’t have the chance to talk to him today at all.” That was true. Though the reason was that I was avoiding him, not that I was just too busy. Nathan let go of me and sat on one of the stools next to the counter. He waited to reply. I felt exposed, on display, like he was staring into my mind and already knew what I had done.

“Not a ton. Just asked how I was, and how the girls were. He said he felt bad, being so close with you and not taking the time to ask much about your family. I thought it was nice of him.” Relief. Followed quickly by confusion. I didn’t know what Corey was doing. Did he feel that guilty? Or was it some kind of trap he was laying for me to walk into? No matter what it was, I needed to do something right away.

“Was that all?” I was trying to stay calm, but I could feel the embarrassment building and my hands starting to shake. “I need to tell you something.” I took a breath, Nathan nodded, waiting to let me tell him whatever I was going to. I’d always admired that about him. He was patient and knew that asking questions before letting the other person speak was rarely necessary. He took my hand, reassuring me before he even knew what I was about to say. I smiled, though it didn’t last.

“I should have said something sooner. I don’t know why I didn’t.” My voice started to shake too; I wouldn’t cry. I couldn’t. “Corey kissed me.” I said it. Nathan didn’t move. The girls ran in, Joanne chasing Lily over a toy, one of their favorite dolls. The two always fought over it, until we finally bought a second one. Then they decided one was better than the other and argued over who got which. The fighting never lasted, just like all children’s arguments. They ran through the kitchen without looking at Nathan and I, and through the hall to their rooms. I heard a door slam, followed by laughter. My attention jumped back to my husband, sitting in front of me holding my hands still unmoving. I watched him take a deep breath and stand up. I was ready for anything. Anger, hurt, jealousy even, though Nathan was never a jealous man. But there was none of that. He pulled me in and wrapped his arms around me. I froze. I didn’t expect this. I don’t know what I did expect, but it involved some form or arguing, or even confusion. I know how to deal with someone who is angry or upset, but why was Nathan the one comforting me? Shouldn’t he have been the one that needed a hug?

“Nathan. I know you’re not usually an extraordinarily sentimental person. But some kind of words here would be nice.” I pulled away and waited for a response. He laughed, actually laughed, though I must have missed whatever it was that was funny.

“I guess I don’t know what you want me to say. From what you just said you’ve done nothing wrong, and Corey is an ass. Don’t worry about it. I love you, and you love me. Nothing more needs to be said. What happened with Corey won’t happen again, I’ll make sure of it.” I felt a lot of emotions, relief, joy, embarrassment, but mostly love. I kissed Nathan, maybe a little too aggressively, I realized when he almost fell backwards. We were okay. I was right, Nathan understood, and we could go back to living our lives together raising two beautiful little girls.