THE GHOST WHO CAME HOME

When the Dead Made a U-Turn

Everyone in Takoradi Columbia knew the story of Kwame “Wofa Ghost” Bentum—

a man who died, refused to stay dead, and still returned home like someone who had forgotten his house keys.

Some people said he came back because he was stubborn.

Others said he came back because he owed people too much money to rest in peace.

But Auntie Mabel insisted that it was because his favorite fufu joint still owed him change.

Whatever the reason, what happened in Takoradi Columbia that year left the whole city laughing, screaming, running, praying, collapsing, and gossiping loudly near chop bars.

And this… is the full story.

CHAPTER 1 — THE MAN WHO COULDN’T DIE PROPERLY

Kwame Bentum, popularly known as KB, was the type of man you could never ignore. Big laugh, big voice, big stomach—so big that the fufu sellers used it like a drum when pounding.

If KB didn’t laugh in a gathering, people would call the event “boring.”

If KB didn’t insult someone playfully, the person felt unloved.

And if KB didn’t owe you money, then he simply hadn’t met you yet.

He lived in Takoradi Columbia, that wonderful neighborhood where goats walked like they paid rent, and where neighbors could argue for two hours about who stole whose palm wine only to drink together afterward.

KB was a taxi driver, but truly speaking, he believed taxi driving was only a hobby. His real passion—according to him—was “public talking,” which meant that he talked nonstop and always loudly. Even funerals were not safe from his commentary.

But as loud and funny as KB was, he had one fear in life:

Ghosts.

He feared ghosts more than debt collectors.

He feared ghosts more than broken fufu pestles.

He feared ghosts more than the electricity company (and that is serious).

Which is why it was so ironic—painfully ironic—that he ended up becoming one himself.

CHAPTER 2 — THE DEATH THAT STARTED LIKE A JOKE

It all began one Wednesday morning.

KB was driving his taxi near the Takoradi Market Circle singing his favorite song loudly—one he created himself, as usual:

“If you love me call my number!

If you hate me go to hell!

If you owe me, bring my money!

If I owe you… take heart small!”

He was joyfully hitting his steering wheel in rhythm when a chicken crossed the road.

Not just any chicken—Mr. Kwoffie’s famous fighting chicken, nicknamed General Pepper.

The chicken didn’t cross like a normal chicken.

No.

It marched boldly, chest out, as if challenging KB to a boxing match.

KB shouted, “Ei General Pepper! Wo ma me way o! Move or I will honk you into kebab!”

But General Pepper refused.

He stood in the road and blinked at KB like someone who had spiritual backing.

And that was how KB swerved violently, hit a pothole big enough to swallow a Kia car, and the taxi flipped like fufu in a mortar.

People rushed.

Pastors prayed.

Prophets prophesied.

Drivers blocked the road and complained.

Goats watched the scene like eyewitnesses.

When they pulled KB out of the taxi, he was smiling slightly, but not breathing.

Someone shouted, “Ei! KB is doing April Fool in December!”

Another shouted, “Bring him water! He likes Voltic!”

But even after pouring Voltic, pouring Coke, shaking him, pinching him, and slapping him slightly (just to check), KB remained still.

Just like that… Takoradi Columbia’s loudest man had gone silent.

CHAPTER 3 — THE FUNERAL THAT TURNED INTO A MARKET DAY

The funeral preparations began the very next week.

In Takoradi Columbia, funerals were serious seasonal events—like Christmas, but with more jollof and arguments.

Everyone in the community attended because everyone owed KB or KB owed them. Some came to mourn. Some came to confirm the rumor. Some came for free food.

At the funeral grounds:

Two women argued over who loved KB more.

One man came to collect the money KB owed him and waited in a queue like a bank line.

One prophet said KB would resurrect in three days.

Another prophet said KB would resurrect in seven days.

A third prophet said KB should stay dead to avoid future debt.

The coffin was beautiful—too beautiful for KB, according to his uncle.

“Why should a man who never bought new shoes get this expensive coffin? Return it and buy the cheaper one!” the uncle cried.

The family ignored him, but everyone agreed the coffin was too fine for someone who never ironed his shirts.

During the viewing of the body, people whispered:

“Ei, KB looks peaceful.”

“Yes o. Is it because he is not talking?”

“Maybe he finally accepted Jesus.”

“Or maybe Jesus is hiding from him.”

But the strangest thing happened when the undertaker tried to close the coffin.

Suddenly…

KB’s mouth moved.

Not fully.

Just a twitch.

Like a mosquito annoyed his upper lip.

The undertaker jumped like he saw a demon.

Auntie Mabel fainted dramatically onto a plastic chair that broke.

A prophet screamed, “Hallelujah, resurrection!”

But when they looked again, KB was still and silent.

Some said it was nothing.

Others said it was a sign.

The coffin was closed, and the village band started playing the funeral song, but the trumpeter, who had been drinking before the funeral, mistakenly started playing a wedding song.

CHAPTER 4 — THE RETURN AT MIDNIGHT

Three days after KB was buried—deep in a cemetery near the Amanful lagoon—something strange happened.

At exactly 12:13 a.m., when the moon looked too bright for comfort, and when the crickets were singing off-key, the ground over KB’s grave began to shake lightly.

Not like an earthquake.

More like someone who overslept and was now trying to get out of bed.

Then they heard it.

A cough.

A deep, irritated cough.

“Ah-hem! Ah-hem! Who poured sand in my mouth like this?!”

Yes.

KB woke up… annoyed.

He pushed through the loose soil and rose like someone getting out of a pit latrine.

His shirt was dirty.

His hair was tangled.

His face looked confused.

He looked around and shouted:

“Ei! So I’m dead? Me? KB? And nobody told me?!”

He scratched his head, then muttered:

“Chale… I’m going home.”

And just like that, the ghost began walking toward Takoradi Columbia.

CHAPTER 5 — THE NIGHT OF SCREAMING

It was 2 a.m. when KB reached his neighborhood.

Dogs began barking like they had seen Satan himself.

Cats climbed trees they hadn’t climbed in years.

Goats ran in zigzags without direction.

KB walked casually through the darkness, dusting himself off.

His first stop was his own house.

He knocked gently.

No answer.

He knocked harder.

Still no answer.

So he shouted his famous greeting:

“Eiiii, anybody home?! Open the door before I enter by force!”

Inside the house, his wife Adwoa froze.

She turned to her sister Ama and whispered:

“Ama… did you hear that?”

Ama whispered back:

“If I say no and it’s yes, I’ll die. If I say yes and it’s no, I’ll still die. So you tell me first.”

Adwoa trembled.

“That is KB’s voice. But KB is dead.”

Ama nodded slowly.

“Since the voice came from outside, let’s pretend we are sleeping.”

KB knocked again.

Then he grew impatient and kicked the door.

Adwoa screamed louder than the door.

Ama screamed louder than Adwoa.

Their neighbor Kojo Mensah, who was sleeping peacefully, heard the scream and thought thieves had come, so he also screamed, “Thief! Thief!”

His scream woke the whole neighborhood, and everyone started shouting “Thief!” without knowing who the thief was.

KB became annoyed.

“Why is everyone shouting ‘Thief’? I just need my house key!”

The door finally opened.

Adwoa stood there holding a Bible, a broom, and a bottle of anointing oil.

Ama stood behind her holding a frying pan like a weapon.

“KB… is that you?” Adwoa asked.

“Of course it’s me! Who else sounds this handsome?”

Adwoa fainted.

Ama dropped the frying pan and ran to the next house shouting, “He has returned! The dead came home! We are finished!”

The whole street came out.

One man brought kerosene.

Another brought pepper spray.

One woman came with salt — “just in case.”

When they saw KB standing there covered in cemetery soil and smiling like a ghost who had forgotten his purpose, the whole crowd screamed and scattered.

Some climbed trees.

Some hid under cars.

Some fainted.

One man tried to run but mistakenly entered someone’s chicken coop.

KB lifted his hands calmly.

“Ei, why are you all behaving like you don’t know me? Relax small!”

But nobody relaxed.

CHAPTER 6 — THE GHOST BECOMES A CELEBRITY

By the next morning, news spread:

“KB HAS RETURNED FROM THE DEAD!”

Some said he resurrected like Lazarus.

Some said he bribed the angels and escaped.

Some said the cemetery watcher forgot to lock the gate.

Churches sent delegations to interview him.

Radio stations announced free airtime for him.

Prophets competed to claim they predicted his return.

KB enjoyed the attention.

He sat in his house like a celebrity, drinking malt and refusing to answer questions unless someone bought him kelewele.

But the strangest part?

He wasn’t fully alive.

And he wasn’t fully dead.

His shadow only appeared when it wanted.

He could eat food, but the food sometimes fell through him.

He could knock on doors, but sometimes his hands passed through the door.

Yet… he still refused to rest peacefully.

Instead, he began doing what he did best—

annoying everyone in the neighborhood.

CHAPTER 7 — THE HAUNTINGS THAT MADE PEOPLE LAUGH

KB wasn’t a violent ghost.

No.

He was a mischievous ghost.

A very mischievous one.

1. The Market Scare

When he appeared casually at Market Circle during rush hour, women dropped tomatoes, onions, and even cassava. One woman threw her handbag at him and ran shouting:

“Take the bag! Just don’t follow me home!”

2. The Taxi Incident

A taxi driver saw KB at night and panicked, screaming:

“Ghost! Ghost! Don’t enter my taxi ooo! I just washed it!”

But KB entered anyway and sat calmly, saying:

“Chale, I don’t have money. Will you take mobile money from a ghost?”

The driver fainted, and the taxi rolled into a gutter.

3. The Church Drama

One Sunday morning, KB casually walked into church wearing his burial clothes.

The pastor saw him and immediately shouted:

“Church! Today we are fasting by force! Put down your offering and run!”

The congregation scattered so hard that three benches broke.

CHAPTER 8 — THE SECRET OF HIS RETURN

After two weeks of chaos, Prophet Mensima finally decided to speak with KB privately.

He sat KB down and asked him gently:

“Kwame, why did you come back?”

KB sighed.

“Prophet… I’m not done living o. The way people were dying over small small sicknesses, I told God I wasn’t ready. I begged the angels to give me one more chance.”

The prophet nodded.

“And God agreed?”

KB shook his head.

“No oo. The angels were tired of my talking. They said if I stay in the spirit world, I will disturb all the ancestors. So they pushed me out.”

The prophet blinked.

“So… you were deported from the land of the dead?”

“Exactly!”

CHAPTER 9 — THE FINAL RETURN

Eventually, KB’s time on Earth faded.

His ghostly flickering increased.

His voice sometimes echoed like he was speaking from inside a drum.

One evening, he gathered the whole neighborhood.

Children sat close.

Adults kept safe distance.

Dogs watched cautiously.

KB cleared his throat.

“My people… I came home because home is sweet. Even the spirits know Takoradi Columbia is better than heaven. But now, I must go.”

Everyone went quiet.

Even the goats stopped chewing.

KB smiled wide.

“If God calls and you don’t answer, He calls again with a bigger voice. I think He’s calling the third time now.”

Auntie Mabel wiped tears.

“KB, don’t go.”

But KB nodded.

“It’s time. I’ve eaten enough fufu. I’ve disturbed enough prophets. I’ve made you laugh small. That was my mission.”

His form began to glow lightly like a lantern losing battery.

He waved.

“Tell General Pepper I forgive him.”

And with a soft laugh that echoed through the street like warm breeze…

KB vanished.

Just like that.

The crowd stood in silence for a long moment.

Then someone whispered:

“So… who will pay the debts he owes?”

Everyone turned to look at each other and immediately started arguing loudly.

And life in Takoradi Columbia returned to normal—loud, chaotic, funny, yet strangely peaceful.

EPILOGUE — WHEN GHOSTS DON’T REALLY LEAVE

Some nights, people say they still hear him laughing near the Amanful lagoon.

Others say they hear him shouting, “Chale, open the gate! I’m home!”

But everyone agrees on one thing:

If a ghost from Takoradi Columbia decides he’s coming home…

not even heaven can stop him.