The Colors of Odds and Ends

With her brother finally out the door, Charlie sat at the kitchen table and stared out the window at what looked like a perfect day. She thought about going back to bed but was already awake and set in the motions of starting it, teeth brushed and all. She sighed and looked at the piece of paper left for her on the table. Of course this was from her father. Was this passive aggressiveness? That was a concept that she had been accused of at school by people that honestly didn’t do as much as she did. Charlie understood that to move people in a certain direction, you needed to nudge them. That’s what she did at the school paper. As the student editor she needed to assign and ask for updates on stories then put her spin on the outcome, tell the sophomores what quotes to get and who to ask for them. That’s how you manage the paper. Leaving assignments on desks or in the slot organizing system hanging on the press wall, however, was ‘passive aggressive’ per Tyler, the junior that painted his nails black and sucked all the joy out of the room by consistently disagreeing with her assignments.

‘You need more social commentary.’ he said to her after assigning him to cover the time capsule project the seniors were planning for the end of year.

‘This is an assignment that is not football, which you don’t like. Not a sport. Not teacher appreciation. But it is a story that is happening at school. We should report on it.’

Tyler took out the piece of paper with his name on it, the general overview of the assignment and possible leads or people to talk to for information from the slot system Mr. Bacon brought in at the beginning of the year. He intended it to hold assignments for the student reporters and according to Charlie it worked phenomenally well. Tyler, who was there for the old system, did not like the change.

‘You need to talk to people about these assignments. Not just task them.’ he said. ‘And stop leaving these passive aggressive notes for people in their slots.’

‘That’s the whole point of the slots.’ she laughed and smiled at him. ‘Sorry you don’t like the system.’

Charlie shook off the memory and turned away from the sunny day just outside the window. That was not an issue she needed to deal with any more, now that she graduated and was on her way to a completely different school. Tyler the Junior was now a Senior and he could work the paper how he wanted to, or at least tolerate the work under the oppressive regime of slots hanging on the wall.

Charlie stood up and went back upstairs to get dressed. She left a few moments after leaving the list on the table.

She walked south - towards Chicago if she kept walking for hours. She had that dream at one point, to walk to the city and find a neighborhood. There she could grow along with the place; start her independence knowing that so much of her life and residence is connected to the neighborhoods around her. Really that dream was not gone with moving to California, but there was no rush to complete it. Living in the city, seeing the cosmopolitan and the grit, the brutality and the random points of beauty that happened in the day was still available to her. Leaving the dream deferred with these truths to another day, she would see them when the dream reminded her that it was there to take. Then she would hold her fate.

She was such her father’s daughter. Good ol’ Carl and the ‘Get it done’ lawyer speak. Then the arguments that would ensue after it between the two; the verbal sparring was their version of warfare which happened more and more frequently. But tasks were completed and over time Charlie began to enjoy getting things done. Hypothetically that’s what happens when you’re raised by a single parent with a sole mindset, though she would not know any different. The personality gets translated more strongly as there is no other influence to push on from the other. Carl had taken no other relationship in all this time and buried himself in work. That is the same influence from what she now needed separation. There is more to life than the dreams of your father. She was glad to be leaving soon.

The lake was to her left and the sun well above the horizon albeit from behind the mist and clouds from last night's shower. Dew still coated the grass and Charlie looked from the sparkle on the grass to the lake. She wanted to see unobstructed all the way to the lake. Instead she got glimpses of water through the trees and buildings which, honestly, is how most of life works. Even the people you love have parts of their beauty shaded from view. She would have to walk aways to see the wonder of the sun sparkle on the water. Charlie turned away from that moment that she knew could be magic and toward the house where she knew more familiar things.

“Charlotte.” Claire, Harin’s mother, greeted her at the door. “I think she’s still asleep. You can come in though.”

Charlie brushed her dark hair back over her right ear and walked inside. “Thanks Mrs. Ahn.” she said.

“You eaten yet?” Claire asked, leaving Charlie at the open door.

“No. But I’m ok.” she said walking in and closing it. The stairs leading up to the second floor were to her right.

“I got Hotteok.” she said from the kitchen.

“Ooo.” Charlie did love pancakes.

“Nice treat for lazy summer morning.”

She turned toward the kitchen toward the smell of brown sugar and toasted rice flour. Harin could sleep the morning away. Meanwhile, Charlie would eat pancakes.

“Ha!” Claire shouted as Charlie stood at the kitchen. “I gotchu! Hotteok always get you.”

Charlie smiled like a kid with a hand in the cookie jar and said “Yes.”

“Sit, sit.” With that Claire picked up a plate and placed two brown sugar and almond filled pancakes on it.

“You knew I was coming, right?” Charlie said. “That’s why you made pancakes.”

“You here every day. I don’t think you come just to see Harin. You come for the food.”

Charlie smiled and nodded, taking the plate and eyeing the griddle cakes on it. With a paper napkin she picked up the still warm bread and smelled the toasted crushed almonds, and sunflower seeds hidden inside the dough. Her teeth broke the caramelized outside and pushed through the soft, airy crumb to the melted sweet brown sugar center and rough chopped nuts.

“That’s good.” Claire said. “Let’s me know I am good cook.”

“The best Mrs. Ahn.” This was heaven. The best start to the day.

Claire patted the table twice with pride and turned back to the stove to cover the just made Hotteok. She put another in the pan.

“So what you two do today? Rearrange the room again?”

Charlie smiled, keeping her mouth closed. “No.” she said out of the side of her mouth. “I was going to buy a book today. I don’t know if Harin wants to go.”

She thought of the blue and white canvas stretched over the cover, slightly beat around the edges. The ruddy white title field on the front sat slightly off center and bordered in red with the Author's name and opus number inside. It was not a new printing. It could have been a first edition but there couldn’t have been that kind of find in a second hand book store. Charlie would go today and find out.

“A book! Always with a book. Harin and you. Smart girls you two.”

“You? What are your plans today, Ms Ahn?”

“I will practice.” Clarie said. “The oboe will not play itself.”

Charlie paused and chewed. “When did you start? Like how old were you?”

“Oh!” Claire said caught off guard by the interest and recollection. “That was a long time ago. Parents started me at nine, but with a very thin reed. Sounded horrible. I never like the sound - like a bad duck.” Claire stopped and looked at Charlie amused. “But I build up the air. Slowly, slowly getting the lungs stronger. One day my father switch me to a stronger reed and it was tough to make a sound. But it was like the swan. So gorgeous. Just like you and Harin. Getting ready to become women.”

Charlie took another bite.

“Say,” Claire said. “You have boyfriend yet?”

Charlie stopped. “Uh… I was just asking about the oboe.”

“Smart, pretty girl like you could get a boyfriend.”

“Thanks Ms. Ahn.” she blushed but at the same time wary of Ms. Ahn’s intentions.

“I meet Ha-Joon at University. He gets a job in U.S. right after and asked me to come with. You know Harin’s brother comes back from school soon.”

“Thanks, Ms Ahn. For breakfast” She shoved the rest of the Hotteok in her mouth. Charlie did not want to hang around for where this conversation was going. “I think I’ll check to see if Harin is awake.”

“Ok.” Claire said, putting her hands up. “Just think about it. Handsome boy has turned into a man.”

Charlie brought her plate to the sink and quickly left the kitchen. She took every other step going up to the second floor. At the top she looked down the hall at the same shotgun style layout of the first floor - like this was originally a two flat that the Ahn’s had turned into a single family house. Harin’s parents room was on her left near the top of the stairs, Jae-Sueng’s, “Jay’s,” room was almost across from theirs but further down and Harin’s was the last door on the left. The studio where Ms. Ahn practiced was on the right and the last room in the hallway which come to think of it had a sink and counter space and directly above the kitchen. This totally was a two flat before. Don’t know why Charlie didn’t think of it until she pushed open the door to Harin’s room where Harin was still asleep.

The sun fell on the desk like they had planned. Opening the door wider Charlie saw the bed on the other side of the room shadowed by the wall. Harin lay with her arm hanging off the edge and her face half in the pillow facing her. Charlie almost closed the door, leaving it ajar. Before it fell back open as it sometimes did, Charlie moved the shoes’ shelf that lined her friend's wall, putting a leg of it in the small space between the hinge and the wall propping it open. The door must remain open per her mother, regardless of who was there. Not like a boy would ever be let upstairs anyways. But this slight crack in the door was the compromise Harin and Mrs. Ahn struck. Neither particularly liked it, but both could live with it.

Charlie removed her sandals and padded to the bed. She sat at the foot of it and looked at the desk they had moved yesterday. Above the desk on the wall were the glow-in-the-dark stars that Harin had watched as a child in her room, stickers put on the wall years ago when dark filled the room with silent childhood anxiety. The soft faintly green tint served as a small lights in the dark that guided Charlie’s mind to quiet on the nights when it was difficult to find sleep. The sleepovers were always so much fun. Charlie always slept on the floor in the center of the room. She got a curved and more 3-D view of where the stars turned from the wall to the ceiling. Staying over and connecting each point of light across the wall and ceiling guided Charlie’s mind to rest and ultimately, peace.

Today the desk sat under the stars, not the bed. In the bed Charlie lay down next to Harin, a blanket between them and wrapped her arm around Harin’s waist. She sighed and thought about falling back asleep, then closed her eyes.

“I’m going to take the stickers off today.” Harin said. Charlie breathed in and exhaled slowly. “Seems kind of childish, right? to leave them up there.”

Charlie said nothing. She did not want to tell Harin no. But this room and that gazing up into imagination, where she spent so many sleepovers counting them and making her own constellations, attaching myths and stories and destined characters. This is the dream she did not want to let go of just yet.

Harin turned toward her and touched her face.

“You smell like Hotteok.” she said.

Charlie smiled, blushed and opened her eyes.

“I only come here for the food.” Charlie said, looking back at Harin.

“I’m sure.” Harin said and kissed her. “Good Morning.”

“Good morning.”

The moment passed in comfortable silence.

“Careful though.” Charlie said. “Your mom is telling me Jay has turned into a man at college.”

“You’re fucking joking.”

Charlie laughed.

“Don’t sleep with my brother.” but Charlie kept chuckling. “It’s not funny. Stop.”

Harin sat up in bed and slapped Charlie in the shoulder.

“Hey!” she said and stopped laughing “That hurt. What the hell?”

“Don’t sleep with my brother.” Harin said again.

“Jealous much? You and I haven’t slept together and you think I’m going to sleep with Jay?” Charlie sat up and moved to the end of the bed. “I brought it up because I thought it was so funny. So out of place. So like your old world mom.”

“Sorry. That’s not a thought I was expecting to wake up to. We had a nice moment, me waking up and it went sideways with that Jay thing.”

“Blame your mom. And don’t fucking hit me. That’s not - not at all cool.”

The two sat in silence for a moment.

“I’m going to go to The Alley Bookstore. You're welcome to come.”

“Sure.”

Then the two rose to leave.