Taylor Swift Inspires Short Stories – Part 3

For a heart that beats with love, passion, and desire, "never again" is like a near-death experience. I don't know what's worse - the certainty of never having you again, or the anguish of foreseeing someone taking the place I still believe is mine.

The "never again" happened almost yesterday. A year, a month, a second... I don't even know how to measure time. I'm busy reliving the most memorable moments of our lives, at least, for me. For you, I don't know. I can guess from the reactions I captured - some from your body; others, from your real self.

Some of the reactions I felt exploded in you when we caressed each other. Others, I saw. They were the tangible traces of the soul that inhabits you. Like the way you kicked puddles in a playful attempt to splash my sweatshirt; your mischievous way of squeezing my waist as we walked through the park on many a Saturday afternoon, as if to say, "She's mine."

And I saw more, and I liked it very much. You trying to play with the butterfly that landed on your shoulder, while comparing the restless insect with the coming and going of my eyes, in moments when my joy (or my pleasure) exceeded the ordinary.

We were so intense, both of us - everything seemed to last forever. But now, interspersed with shadows the happy memories, I conclude that signs were pointing in a different direction.

Small but significant, these shadows. Like that evening when you said that uniqueness lies in being free like a bird. We were talking about how short our time on Earth can be, and how people waste precious moments searching outside themselves for what they could glean from their uniqueness.

Others have joined that shadow, foreshadowing the goodbye that I only now realize, and fear assails me. I should have begun to realize that "never again" was a place that, for us, would not exist. But I was so happy to concern myself with anything but love.

Today is very different. Faced with the certainty that this is no more, I must need and want to put this aside once and for all, so that I can go back to being myself. I must, need, and want to cut the memories of what once made me happy, and today makes me so sad. This is so contradictory, showing that it is possible to turn happiness inside out.

Duty, need, and desire are still just a gentle plea for me to recover completely. Because I'm afraid. Afraid that when I try for "forever" again, my addiction to you will speak louder, and lead me to repeat scenes of us together. Horrible, that. As good as it was, it's unfair to tattoo on someone recently the self of someone who is gone.

I can, I know I can, immortalize the happy moments of the two of us, without hurting anyone. I can make unique the probable encounter with another person. Discover new heartbeats next to mine. Discover different charming quirks in someone and, even more, a new "forever". And believe that "never again" is a place that exists.

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* “Last Kiss” is a song by Taylor Swift attributed to the end of her relationship with Joe Jonas. The relationship began in 2008. They met during the Burnin' Up tour. At one of the shows, Taylor shared the stage with the rock band Jonas Brothers, of which Joe is the lead singer.