Steps of Liberation: Paths to Wholesome Freedom - Part 3

There is a weight heavier than grief ..

The weight of shame you were never meant to carry.

After the dust of my divorce had settled and I’d begun to find my footing, I noticed something lurking beneath my progress. It wasn’t sadness. It wasn’t fear.

It was shame.

Not the kind that comes from wrongdoing - but the kind society hands you like a souvenir for surviving something they don’t want to talk about.

Whispers and Wounds

Where I come from, marriage is sacred - and breaking it, even for your sanity, feels like a betrayal of your culture. A betrayal of your ancestors. A betrayal of the image they built for you.

I heard the whispers.

“She couldn’t keep her husband.”

“Maybe she was too strong.”

“Maybe too ambitious.”

“Maybe not humble enough.”

“And she calls herself a Christian.”

“Divorce is a sin.”

And it stung - not because it was true, but because I had been taught to define my worth through other people’s approval. Live life appeasing the Society, smiling with the teeth but not the heart, Fake it until you make it mindset.

I was carrying shame for someone else’s choices.

I was apologizing for surviving.

I was shrinking so I wouldn’t offend those who preferred my silence.

But healing asked me a question I couldn’t avoid:

“Who taught you that freedom comes with guilt?”

Breaking Cultural Chains

One afternoon, I stood in front of the mirror, head covered in a scarf from home, tears staining my blouse. I didn’t recognize the woman staring back. She was tired. She was terrified. But she was still standing.

In that moment, I heard a verse that had comforted me as a child:

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” - Romans 8:1

If God wasn’t condemning me, why was I condemning myself?

I realized that tradition without compassion becomes a cage.

Yes, I honor my roots.

Yes, I value our elders.

But I will no longer worship a culture that breaks women quietly and calls it righteousness.

A New Story

I’ve stopped justifying my healing.

I’ve stopped explaining why I left.

I’ve stopped shrinking my dreams so they’ll be easier to digest.

As Brené Brown says:

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”

Letting go of shame gave me room to grow.

To pray freely.

To wear color again without wondering what message I was sending.

To smile wide without checking who might be watching.

To believe that love - real, honest, patient love - can still find me, whether from a partner, a friend, or within.

To My Sisters Still Hiding...

If you're still walking with your head down, waiting for someone to tell you it's okay to be happy again - hear me now:

You don't need their permission.

Your story is not a scandal.

Your survival is not a shame.

Your courage is not an offense.

As Maya Angelou said so powerfully:

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”

Let your healing offend the silence.

Let your laughter break their expectations.

Let your freedom tell a new story — one where shame is no longer the narrator.

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“The shame wasn’t mine to carry. So I put it down and picked up my peace instead.” — Priska Ouko