Rena's Unfinished Story

Rena's life has been filled with trauma from childhood to adulthood. How will she navigate it? Will she give into the darkness or will she fight for the light? As Rena searches for answers and heals from the pain, the universe soon hears her cry and awakens her, but what will she do with this knowledge?

“Rena” a voice whispers. Lying in the destruction of pent-up emotions she soon snaps back to reality. “What a mess”, Rena sighs not wanting to clean up the mess of her room. No one came to check on her as she went through her emotions throwing everything in her room. Now faced with piles of clothes and torn-up papers and pictures all she can do is laugh. Though Rena did not want to clean up she felt lighter. Not understanding exactly what she was going through, but knowing she needed to let out her emotions and deal with her trauma, she began to recall earlier events and work on letting them go.

Reminiscing about the traumatic experience that caused such a rift between her brother, Richard, and her grandmother, Evelyn, she begins to sigh.

From her earliest memories, she remembered looking up to her brother at the same time not liking who he was as a person. Richard was a handsome guy, tall, dark skin, humorous, and caring, however, when he got around other people he turned into someone else, someone she did not recognize nor like. He would bully her for absolutely no reason. Typical sibling rivalry would be understandable if these actions did not occur only when his friends would come around. As much as Rena could not stand Richard’s new personality she still looked up to him. The day after Christmas Richard, their cousin, Jaz, and Rena were all outside. Rena was having fun on her new scooter. “Can I ride it?” Richard asked Rena. “No,” Rena replied, sparking an argument between the two. Moments later Rena felt a sharp pain in her hand and started crying. “You’re such a crybaby,” Richard said in anger. “I would too - if you threw a spoon at me!” Jaz replied in Rena’s defense. Unknowingly when Rena told Richard no, he picked up an abandoned spoon and threw it at Rena with great force which hit her tiny knuckles.

As she recalls that day she sighs. It wasn’t the fact that a spoon was thrown at her that created the rift; it was the words he uttered before their mother came outside hearing the cry. Taking a deep breath she goes back and forces herself to deal with what she blocked out.

After calling her a crybaby, Richard then tells Rena “That’s why you will never belong in the family!” “Why would you say that?” Jaz questioned Richard in defense of Rena. Rena had always felt like the black sheep. She had the lightest complexion out of everyone in the family. Her skin was as tan as caramel while her brother, sister, mother, and grandmother all had various complexions of chocolate.

Rena let out the breath and laughed because he was right. Growing up she was picked on for not being dark enough or constantly told that she was white because of her adventurous nature. She felt out of place everywhere she went. She never felt safe and she always longed for someone to be there for her to help her feel safe in this world. She didn’t want to fit into a family that could not understand nor help her with what she was going through. Beginning to feel lighter after realizing that the family she was born into was most likely not the family she would have later in life she began to make peace with their ignorance. That was enough revisiting for one night, Rena thought, however, going to sleep with the piles of clothes still scattered all over was not going to happen. After deciding, to sort through the clothes fold everything, and get all the torn-up paper up before going to bed she began to relive the next traumatic event.

Evelyn was not a kind woman. Rena never liked her. She couldn’t understand why. Part of her thought, that maybe her grandmother didn’t like her because of the man that was once her dad, but soon turned into her sperm donor. Rena’s mother, Tina, was in love with her dad, Tommy. Tommy did not stick around and soon vanished from the picture altogether. However, Rena sometimes felt that if Evelyn did not live with them he might have stayed in the picture. Outsiders could never understand why Rena disliked Evelyn so much. That was her grandmother after all and to them, she was a nice caring lady. Truth is Evelyn was a nasty lady, a manipulator, colorist, and she belittled the females in the family while spoiling the males.

Evelyn had developed this irritation with hearing her grandkids say kiss my butt. “THE NEXT PERSON I HER SAY KISS MY BUTT IS GETTING A BEATING!” she yelled. “DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?” “Yes ma’am,” we all said in unison. Richard then started to pester Rena again. Mocking her and just being an older brother and getting on her nerves. Right when Rena was about to say kiss my butt, she remembered her grandmother's words. So instead she made the gestures telling him to kiss her butt. Richard being Richard yells, “Ooooo! GRANDMOM RENA SAID KISS MY BUTT!” “NO, I DIDN’T,” Rena said hurriedly. “RENA COME HERE!” Rena slowly walked into the living room to face her grandmother's wrath. “COME HERE!” “Stand right here,” Evelyn demanded pointing at a spot right in front of her. “What did I tell you?” “I didn’t say it” Rena tried to tell her grandmother. “So what did you do?” Evelyn asked. Rena did not believe in lying, not seeing the point in lying she admitted to doing the gestures. With that belt in her hand, Evelyn began to hit Rena repeatedly with the buckle. After finishing the beating she told Rena not to say a word to her mother and Rena kept quiet, but her hatred for Evelyn grew throughout the years. Rena was defiant as ever when it came to doing things for Evelyn, she had no problem talking back and making it clear that she could not stand her. Rena never really understood why after that day she never got beat by Evelyn again nor did she care.

Coming back to reality it was time to go to bed. The scars from her childhood were not as deep as others, but they were deep enough for her. As Rena lay in her bed, she felt sadness for Evelyn. It was a sadness that came from understanding that Evelyn was raised in tough years and had to endure things Rena would never experience. While that was not an excuse, she understood that everyone's past shapes them differently. Sadly whatever Evelyn experienced shaped her to be a grandmother who was solely respected due to her title. Evelyn's entitled behavior of being a grandmother always drove Rena crazy. How can someone who treats others like crap constantly expect to be treated like royalty? Rena could not find it in her to treat her grandmother in a way she felt like she should be treated but did not deserve to be treated. Throughout the years, Rena noticed how she was constantly treated differently. Evelyn had played a hand in destroying Rena’s confidence after all. Before drifting off to sleep Rena laughed when remembering the irony of Evelyn’s words, “If you were as skinny as your sister I could buy you more clothes” Those words pierced Rena deeply. She never liked her grandmother, to begin with, but those words deepened her dislike towards her. “All I did was say the shirt was cute,” Rena said with teary eyes. She did not want the shirt, it was not her style, but she felt like the shirt was cute. “MA!” Tina said reprimanding her mother. After telling Rena to go to her room. Tina and Evelyn began to speak. After a few minutes, Evelyn’s footsteps were heard going down the hall to her bedroom. Later that day Tina called Rena into her room and apologized for what her mother said. Rena did not understand why Tina was apologizing and not Evelyn. Does she feel bad for her mother's actions, Rena thought. The words that were uttered however were “Why do we have to live with her?”

Back to reality.

Exhausted from constantly reliving buried memories. Rena began to imagine a life without her family allowing her to slowly start drifting into a deep sleep.