Perfectly Damaged

28 inches, bright pink, TSA approved. Pen stared at the empty suitcase laying on her bed. It was enormous. Still,  not quite big enough. Taking a breath, she looked around her room. Most everything had been sold at the garage sale and she had donated the rest. All that was left would have to fit into this one, gigantic, suitcase. She stared at the empty space, a bundle of nerves, butterflies zooming around in her stomach. The computer trilled from her desk and she went over to it, clicking on the green phone button. Blake's face burst to life on the screen and she smiled. 

"Heya! How's packing coming?" he asked, lighting a cigarette.

"Slow. I don't know where to start. I don't know how. I don't have much left." She said, sitting down in her chair.

"Want some company?" 

"Sure. What time is it there?" She glanced at the clock at the bottom of the screen and did a quick calculation. It was 11 AM so it must be 7PM there. 

Penelope had met Blake on an online support chat room for people who self-injure and they had hit it off immediately. She had been engaged just a year before but that relationship had fallen to pieces when her fiancé decided he wanted to date other people. She had fallen into a depression and unsure how to handle it, she had fallen back into her old habit of self-harm. She never cut deep, never enough to need medical care, just enough to start to feel things again. Once she met Blake though, she had stopped self-harming and had allowed herself to hope. They were friends, good friends. He stood by her and listened when she didn't know what to do and she was always there for him as well. Blake was disabled and lived half-way around the world, but it didn't matter. They had each other. Eventually, the friendship turned to romance and when he asked her to come to Scotland to live with him, it was an easy answer. Most people would think she was crazy to move so far when they had never met face to face but it made sense to her. Penelope had hidden what she was doing from those in her life. They all thought she was going to stay in a friend's vacation home for a while to heal from her heartbreak. 

She thought about everything she had been through in the past year. It had been, well, traumatic. She had made some good friends, don't get her wrong, but she was still wounded from everything. After her relationship ended a year ago, she searched for something to help ease the pain. She rented a room in a house with two other women Lisa and Lana. Pen and Lisa had become close during that time. Lisa was an alcoholic dealing with the death of her beloved mother and Pen wanted to help her. She tried to help her get sober and was a support when she would get sick. Within 6 months, she was moving again and the day she went to pick up the rest of her things, Lisa was found dead, a bottle in her hand. Lisa had begged her not to move out, cried when she left, and Pen felt guilty. What if she had stayed? Would Lisa still be alive or would she have been the one to find the body? Did she not do enough?

"Seven," Blake's voice brought her back to the present, "I was just about to eat dinner and have a cup of coffee. Figured I could eat with you." She nodded at him and he looked at her with concern.

"You know I love you right?" he said, leaning in towards the camera.

"I know. I'm sorry. I am just feeling," she paused. What was she feeling? Loss? Fear? Excitement? All of it at once? "Tired." she finished, her tone falling flat. She knew that no packing would be done today after all. Once Blake called, nothing else happened. They spent hours talking and dreaming about the future that could be. Pen got settled in her chair and made sure she had everything she needed for the rest  of the day. Then, with a smile, she blew a kiss to her boyfriend and tried to forget everything else.