My New Writing Journey is about to Begin!

What do I want to do this year on vocal? I've contemplated this one for a fair few weeks. For awhile I was considering throwing in the towel. I don't have many reads, and sometimes I tend to flesh something out and just let it loose onto the innerweb before it is ready. But somewhere in all the pondering I came to the simple conclusion. This year, I am writing for myself.

Last year, Most of my writing was speckled by the need to win. To earn money and be a 'real writer'.... and it crushed me. I lost all my drive to write and if I didn't feel the need to, I was inactive on my page. And if a challenge came in, I would pound out a story in a day and hit send. Sometimes, I wouldn't even edit the story. It was submitted, mistakes and all. I ended the year writing in a notebook, on countless of fanfictions and giggled to myself for my rather teenage silliness. It was an older style of writing for me but, hey at least I was writing.

This year I am writing what I feel like writing and I hope to write more often. And not just poems. I want to actually write stories, and blog posts. I mean between books reviews, or spiritual practices, I'm sure I will have something to talk about... well write about in this case. Rather than focus on the themes of countless challenges that I cannot place in, either because my heart isn't in it, or even if I liked my piece it wasn't what they were looking for. Which in a sense is my own fault, it is a humbling thing to have to consider that no matter how good your friends and family think you are. You aren't a champion. It also sucks.

Especially when you view it as such a huge part of your identity. Which I often do see. I mean I’ve been writing since I was a child and well into my teenage years. My grandma was always saying I would be an author and well in not going to lie I fed into that. I dreamed of that being my main gig. I’d make lots of money. Write inspiring legendary books, and help my family! Let’s just say I probably needed the reality check that I was far from being great.

But perhaps one of the great things about writing is that no one really starts off perfect. And over time, it becomes a more of a skill than a talent. And if I go back to what interests me, I can grow my voice and tailor my skills into something unique to me.

And so my running theory is that if I focus on writing the themes that I want; like the countless dystopian I have contemplated. Than perhaps I will find some joy in this creative outlet. And I can go back to the uncaring nature of how many people have interacted with my things. Which is perhaps a bit Emily Dickenson of me. But, hey! She is one of my role models on writing.

It's not much of a resolution. But I think it is an honest one. And an obtainable one. Because this put the ideas and thoughts back in my control.

Of course. I will still look at the competitions and challenges, and when I like the idea and feel the pull of creative drive.

I will continue to submit my work, and hope that one day... one day I will make it.