Memoirs Of The In-Between - Chapter 2

When you’re alive, you have no idea what happens to you when you die. It was one of my many thoughts and regrets. I always wondered what happened to a person when they died. I sent so many people to their afterlives, that it seemed like a fair question. I had no idea what I believed, and to be frank I was scared to think too deeply about it. Only when my worst guilt, fresh after a job well done, did I dare to venture into that dark corner of my mind. I eventually convinced myself that nothing happened. There was no heaven, there were no gods, there was nothing but a deep dark sleep that you never wake up from.

Because I had told myself that death was just a peaceful black sleep, I had begun to believe it, as it seemed like the safest belief to have. There was no disappointment in your slumber of there not being a heaven, and it was a lot less horrible a thought than the one where I would go to a place where I suffered all of the pain I brought upon my victims for all eternity. Surprisingly enough I found that, for a while, my death was a quiet peaceful sleep. There was no dream, only faint awareness of the world being black, and peaceful. But as I slumbered, things began to creep into my consciousness. I was not sure how I felt about that; it did not register in my mind what the noises and sensations could possibly mean. I was in a hypnotic state of rest, and as I felt quite reluctant to leave such a state of existence after so long of living miserably, nor did I want my rest disturbed after finally finding that peace and self-actualization I had so longed for.

Time seemed to drag on and on; minutes blurred into hours and it felt like years I had been sleeping. It eventually occurred to me that the noises and sensations I was semi aware of, were actually voices that spoke to one another softly, and hands that touched my body. I was almost horrified when I noticed this. Did I not die? Must I wake to find myself continuing to be a death bringer to all those that threatened the Empress? I sat very still and listened to these gentle voices. They faded in and out as I dipped back and forth between deep unconsciousness and gentle sleep. A little girl’s voice  sometimes murmuring, or playfully having conversations with me.

“I hope you get better soon, lady. You’ve been asleep for a long time.” I remember her talking to me softly once saying kind things. “You were having a bad dream huh? It’s okay. I have them too sometimes. No more crying, I will keep you safe.” Before a pretty lullaby put me back into a deep sleep. Another time a conversation she had with herself: “My goodness, your hair is so pretty! ‘Why thank you, yours is too!’ Oh thank you! Will you help me braid it? ‘Sure! I like to braid’” I vaguely remember thinking that she must have been playing with her dolls near me before a voice asked her sharply: “Why do you insist on playing with the comatose woman?”

“Because, what if when she wakes up she doesn’t play with me? Or she doesn’t like me? Or she think that my voice is too squeaky? This way she might hear me, and like me before she wakes up!” At the time I’d drifted back into the deep blackness. Then came the time when things were more clear, my understanding of the words stuck, and this feeling of awareness was different. More defined.

“She still isn’t awake?” A male voice asked. It sounded like an elderly man, one who knew many things and told many stories. He sounded grandfatherly. I was confused, I knew no one with that voice that belonged to my family, nor had I ever met someone with such a voice at the palace. I would remember such a voice. It sang of mischief and a hint of senile grumpiness, and yet wisdom and kindness. I thought this was an odd observation at the time, but I didn’t have time to ponder which elements in his voice made me think of all these things at once for a new voice chimed in. The voice of the little girl who’d been talking to me for what must have been days.

“Not yet, Grampy.” She sounded young, and innocent, and entirely too cheerful to be speaking about a dead woman. This I realized with dread but I knew this was no one I knew either. There were many palace children but I had not talked to many. If I were still in the Palace grounds they would not be permitted to stare at a woman who had been wounded in such a manner, unless I had been sleeping for a very long time and I was almost fully recovered – gods forbid the noble children get a good dose of real life. But how could this be? I was certain I had died! I grew frustrated and began to try and open my eyes.

“Well, we will have to continue to wait then I suppose. I wish she would hurry up. We found her nearly three weeks ago. Who needs that much sleep? Then again, I remember when I came to this place…they said I had slept for a month and a half.” The grandfatherly voice prattled, a strange banging noise filling my ears as he spoke. He sounded dangerously close to venturing near what I call an “elderly reverie”

“Oh gosh… I hope it doesn’t take that long. I think it will happen very soon. She seems so strong! I bet the Spirit Warriors will come for her when she does awaken. After all, you suspect she arrived here in a strange manner. The same way you did, right?” The young voice sounded closer to me now, and I felt a small hand touch my forehead and my body reacted in a surprise flinch. “Grampy! She’s moved!” The young voice practically shrieked in my ear. I struggled to open my eyes and, I will admit, it took a while. It was as if my body wanted to refuse my silent commands to obey me. When my eyes began to see again, I was looking up at the face of an old man, with a long white beard that seemed to be even longer than his long snow-white hair. His face was so wrinkled you almost could not make out his eyes but I could see they were a bright blue. Beside him was a young girl with dark brown hair, and sparkling eyes that looked as if the earth moved inside her. I stared at them for a moment, shocked, and they stared at me. Who the hell were these people?

I could not speak, though I tried. The only thing that came out was a strange moaning sound, as if the ability to formulate words had been strangled from me. The little girl smiled brightly at me, a smile that was so big I thought her face would rip if she continued on. The grandfather chuckled at me, which earned him a fierce glare. I did not understand where there was any humor in my situation, and much to my frustration and ire, he moved from a small chuckle to a loud guffaw when he caught my angry look in his direction.

“You should know that glaring at people when you’re so weak and vulnerable is not very intimidating. Ah, young people these days. Simply astounding.” He said, turning away. His back was straight for such an old body but he still walked with a long stick. My eyes took in the stick out of instinct, picking out the details of the potential weapon. It was quite beautiful. There were dragons burnt into the light white wood, and a yellow jewel as big as my fist sat on top. I caught myself taking in a breath, wondering if he was a dragon speaker, and vaguely reminded more of a pole-arm weapon than a walking stick.  “Alice, come get the poor woman some stew.” The old man chuckled as he sat down in an old rickety wooden rocking chair across the room from me.

Immediately the small girl went whirling into action, dashing about the room of what seemed to be a wooden cottage in a frenzy. She made me dizzy so I closed my eyes until a small hand touched my cheek again. When I reluctantly opened them again, “Alice” was standing next to me, holding a large bowl of steaming food. At that moment, it smelled divine and my body shuddered with a hunger so sharp I felt sick to my stomach. Needless to say, I didn’t complain or try to struggle when she fed it to me, one bite at a time. The whole time, she hummed what sounded like a lullaby, and as I ate and listened to the little girl’s sweet voice, I began to feel stronger. I watched the girl as she fed me and decided she was so cute it was absurd. She was so little and innocent, and she reminded me of Yuki, and the sakura flower petals of the palace gardens. But the little girl also reminded me of trees and vines, while Yuki had made me think of sky and wind. It was strange. I suppose it was the innocence and nurture she poured into those moments when she fed me carefully, as if I were as innocent as she was.

When I was done staring at the little girl’s dark curls and the contours of her rounded young face my eyes flicked to the environment around me. I seemed to be in what appeared to be a small wooden hut. To be more exact… the hut seemed to be made of logs. Everything smelled of Pine and lumber, and against my instincts I felt secure. It was mostly barren save for a fireplace to the left, the cot I lay on and a few pieces of wooden furniture.

Eventually, I was strong enough and sat up on my own, my voice returning, though it was weak. My first few sentences reflected nothing of my strength, of my abilities, nothing of who I was. But then again, who was I? The last memory I had was of death and I could be certain I was certainly not in the palace grounds maintaining the status of a noble clan directly under the Empress.

“W-where…am…I?” I asked with some trouble, the words feeling heavy on my tongue which had not had much practice talking in the past few weeks.

“You’re at my humble cottage. I’m so much more fond of humble living quarters. Isn’t this little house darling? We found you in the woods three weeks ago. We couldn’t let you just sleep there, so we brought you home. Good thing we did too, lass. You might have been gone for good had we not.” The old man said, rocking in his chair as he did, speaking as if he were absent-minded. “My name is Malakaii. What is yours, child?”

“Yuzuki…Kobayashi. I do not understand how I got here. Where am I? I did not mean whose house I am in,” I specified. I was beginning to get the impression that the old man would drive me insane if I stayed too long and I needed to be sure that I did not give him a reason to be long-winded with me. To my response, the old man laughed merrily and shook his head. He stood then, walking quite strongly for a rickety old man that sat in a rickety old wooden chair and looked me over curiously.

“You are in the world between worlds. For people like us, we have no place in either world that we are stuck between. This, depending what you believe, would be called purgatory, or limbo. This is the place for those who have no place to go….go.” He said laughing again, this time it was a cackle. The young girl went and washed the bowel she had used to feed me the stew and I wiggled my toes, and moved my legs, testing their strength. I sighed when my body resisted me further, and I knew I would not be able to stand just yet. So I would endure, and try to get answers from this prattling crazy old man.

“What are you saying?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. I had abandoned all pretense of manners. He was not royalty, and as far as I was concerned he spoke in riddles anyways. It was annoying to be so polite all the time. In my culture, one used honorifics when referring to another person, or even themselves. I had never been fond of it, nor had I understood the need for such nonsense. It made wording things crowded. The man did not act like he was from a culture like mine either, using no honorifics after calling Alice by her name. I was pretty sure he would not get too overly offended if I didn’t have a formality at the end of each sentence. I suppose my first self-conscious thought about such a thing was that I would seem strange and stick out if I did use honorifics. At my question, Malakaii looked at me for a long time, as if analyzing me. It was well after Alice came back in from washing the bowel did he finally take a deep breath of air to talk. I had waited patiently and quietly the whole time.

“You are dead, child, and this is where your soul ended up.” He said, watching me carefully as he spoke, his old voice sounding as tired and wrinkled as his face looked. When he said this, I found myself grinning despite his words.

So I was dead. I didn’t have to kill people for an Empress again after all. This was the most excellent news. It also explained how such a fatal wound on my body would be healed so quickly. Three weeks, he said. I briefly wondered if Yuki was alright but I forced the thoughts of my heavy past away and focused on my joy. I was dead. I suppose it’s strange. the thought of being pleased with news that you had successfully been murdered by your own father. But at least I had something to be grateful for now.

“I thought so, I am most pleased to hear this. What do souls in purgatory do?” I asked, absolutely delighted. The girl and the old man looked at me as if they were  in shock, and the old man’s brow rose so far I thought his hair would devour his white brow if he was not careful. I only looked at them passively. Who needs to be impatient when they are dead? They have all the time in the world after all. Besides, I did sympathize with the fact that it was rather odd to hear someone express pleasure in the thought of being dead. That was probably not a normal reaction and after a second of awkward silence, I felt obligated to explain myself.

“It’s excellent because I was sure I had died. I would have felt foolish if I hadn’t. I must say I am not eager to live on Earth again. I just want to be peaceful,” I stated after a few moments, and the little girl stood, looking rather uncomfortable, then sat down on the ground leaning against Malakaii as if he were a pillar of steady flow in a world of chaotic energy. I felt somewhat bad; feeling that perhaps I had upset the kind little girl who had been so happy when I opened my eyes.

“Those who are trapped here either have missions to move forwards or backwards. This is not the final destination. We don’t know much about what’s beyond it, we just know that if you ended up here your previous life had much to be desired, you made a lot of bad choices, or you’ve earned a second chance. Depending on how your life here goes, it determines what happens to you after you’ve finished here.” The old man spoke after a long time and I blinked, once again finding myself narrowing my eyes at his words inquisitively. “Take note that not many souls arrive here in the manner you did. You probably remember your living life, but most here do not. Most here are born, much the same way they were born in our previous world. There are only five souls here who have transcended, you included.” Malakaii explained to me, and I stared at him fascinated.

“Transcended?” I asked, and Malakii nodded, letting out a tired-sounding sigh.

“Your soul here came by what most would consider an unnatural means. You weren’t born here, from what we call the soul cycle. Your soul ripped through time and space, and you arrived here with memories intact. There are five of us who know why we are here, and the rest are just living another life.” The old man explained and I let out a little huff. Alice scoured through what looked like a wardrobe full of drawers, and I watched her for a moment. She was pulling out what looked like dried herbs.

“That’s a lot to take in.” I said softly, and Malakii grumbled at me, shaking his head, casting me a sideways irritated glance.

“You asked, girl.” I knew I was pelting him with questions but he didn’t seem to mind too much. He merely sighed, turning back towards his chair and settled into it. He made quite a show of making himself comfortable and setting his staff down against the wall, then rocking in his rickety old chair in a slow, droning rhythm. He picked up a pipe that had been sitting on a small stump I assume he used as a table, and puffed it a few times before deciding to answer.

The first smell that reached my nose on the first puff smelt of tobacco, like I expected, it was sweet and bitter and it was almost comforting. But the next puff, the smoke reached me and I blinked as the smell of bubblegum engulfed my senses. On the third puff, the scent of the ocean breeze made me smile in bewilderment as my curiosity about the pipe distracted me. It must be magic. I also recognized then that he had never lit it, or put tobacco in it. I would have to ask him about that later. Alice brought me a steaming cup of tea and I smiled at her.

“Thank you…” She smiled up at me shyly, before scampering back to fetch Malakaii a cup.

“So, I just…live my life?” I asked him, taking a sip of the hot liquid, letting the sweet but bitter taste flood my senses. Malakaii chuckled, and sighed.

“Nope. Not you.” He answered cryptically, and I felt my eyes narrow at him. “You came here the same way I did, and the others. You have a bigger purpose I’m sure, and you’ll be a key component against the Tisin.” He answered, taking another puff of his pipe. The waft of smoke that hit me this time was blueberry.

“The what?” I asked, taking another sip of my tea.

“Beasts that were once human. Souls that are tainted and, after a lifetime of bad karma. they mutate in the soul cycle and fall out as contorted beasts that feed and kill the souls of Limbo.”

“They murder? Murder who? The souls here?” I ask. “But wait, aren’t we already dead? If that’s the case how can we be murdered?”

“Sometimes the beast can turn you into one of their kind. Sometimes you die and your soul ceases to exist when they devour it. They do this by growing ever more powerful from eating souls, literally absorbing all that they are, all their energy. Remember, the souls here don’t consciously realize they’ve lived and died. To them, this is just life.” Malakaii explained, and I could feel my face burning in horror. I could not comprehend such beasts. Could he be referring to some similar magic used to steal the lives and magic of dragons? Except they were tainted humans doing it to each other?

Malakaii’s blue eyes drifted back to my face and he took another puff of his pipe, before exhaling chocolate scented smoke. “Enough of that though. I am sure you have other questions. All information will come in time.” He said firmly. The finality of his tone had me shaking my head, trying to ease the uncertainty and horror of such images from my heart for the moment. He was correct in his words, I did not want to take in too much information at one time.

“I heard you saying I was asleep for three weeks?” I asked him. “So has it been three weeks since I died?” I wanted clarification, after all, why would it take so long for me to wake up? If I were dead, would my spirit need such recovery time? The old man sighed, his blue eyes sharply biting at my face.

“Don’t you ever ask any simple questions? Who knows if it has been three  weeks since you’ve died? All I said was that you’ve been asleep for what would be three weeks in this world. When we are in limbo, time and space on Earth is jumbled together, and it takes quite a bit of skill and mastery to be able to choose what time era you come out on. So I would not be able to tell you exactly how long it has been since your death. I am from a world so old that not even I know the era or age. The only time you should worry about from now on, is time from this world, or you will give yourself a headache trying to think about it. Now,” Malakaii said, leaning back into his chair and closing his eyes, “if you don’t mind, this old man needs a nap.”

I said nothing as I watched him for a few moments, closing his eyes and from what I assumed, he fell asleep. I was astonished. Could someone actually fall asleep that fast? And on command? Frustration rolled through me as I contemplated throwing something at him. What kind of shady explanation had he given me, and he expected me to be okay with that? Alice smiled at me and stood up, venturing closer to me.

“Sorry about him. Sometimes instead of making things easier to understand his words go around and around in circles and make you dizzy!” She said in her young voice, a small giggle escaping with her words. I turned my eyes towards her, and despite my frustration at the suddenness of Malakaii’s comatose state I found myself smiling with her.

“It’s okay. I understand. Old men are sometimes like that. I’ll make him tell me everything later.” Even to my own ears, my determination sounded silly and the little girl laughed, tossing back her brown curls of hair.

“He’ll just give you a headache. He’s more confusing than not. He’s my teacher. He took me in when Momma and Papa were taken away from me. Can you imagine, trying to learn something from him everyday?” Alice prodded me. I could tell she was teasing the old man. Not a single thing she said was even remotely hostile. Her brown eyes looked over at Malakaii and within them clearly shone admiration, and love. Perhaps it was because she reminded me of Yuki, but in that moment I felt completely and hopelessly drawn in and taken aback by this little thing. It seemed she was an orphan and yet here she was, warm as the sun-soaked soil and strong as an old tree.

“I’d imagine it takes a very special type of girl to be able to handle that old man everyday and learn from him,” I said carefully, uncertain by the strange feeling I was experiencing. Alice simply turned back towards me and gave me an impish grin, one that made me want to burst out into laughter. This made me wary and ever more confused.

“I should make a book, explaining his explanations! I am the best at it after all.”

“Wouldn’t he just be difficult and change the way he explains things?” I asked her, smiling a bit at this strange conversation. It was one like I’d never had before.

“Well, it could only get less confusing from here!” She retorted in a confident way. This did make me laugh out loud, shaking my head.

“Don’t be so certain. Senile old men are somewhat of a mystery.” I warned her, and she laughed as well, shrugging sheepishly.

“So, is Malakaii your grandpa?” I asked her curiously. “How old are you?” She laughed at my question, shaking her head.

“He’s not really my grandpa. But, I call him Grampy. I’m seven years old. I came here when I was five. Malakaii saved me from a Tisin when I was little. I don’t remember, but it had killed my parents. Malakaii said I was in shock and that he had to make me forget. He took me in and has taken care of me ever since. He’s teaching me herbology first. He says when I am older I can learn magic too.” She grinned up at me, the excitement glistening in her eyes and I smiled.

“Wow. I’m sorry you went through that, but magic, huh? That’s amazing.” I responded, remembering my tea in my hands and taking another sip. She nodded, looking out the window longingly.

“Yeah! Malakaii is actually really cool. Don’t let him pretend to be grumpy with you. He’s actually really nice and he takes care of hurt animals he finds. And people, I guess if you count me.” She answered. Her innocence tore at my soul, making my heart hurt. Only seven years old, and she’d already lost her parents and still faced the world with a smile and enthusiasm. I was jealous of her in a lot of ways. I finished my tea, struggling with the feelings inside me that I couldn’t name. I’d never felt this way before. But it was a new place, a new life, and perhaps it was okay to embrace things I wasn’t allowed to acknowledge before in my living life.

“Yuzuki, I am going to play outside. I will bring you back some flowers, okay?” I nodded and watched as she darted outside, smiling wide, and I couldn’t help but smile with her. She really did remind me of Yuki.

When she was gone I quietly threw the covers off me and stared down at my legs, and nothing seemed different. I noticed I was wearing a simple cotton dress, it was white and went to my knees. I touched my shoulders and felt the thick straps that held it in place, soft against my skin. I pushed myself to the edge of the bed and stumbled forward. Catching myself on the wall, I looked around the surrounding area, and saw a piece of glass hanging above a washing bowl and pitcher. Inching my way forward, until eventually my legs began to work a bit better, I made my way over to the glass, and held my breath. Surely I must be hideous. Blood loss would make me pale and pasty, dirt from over the weeks of being wherever the hell I was, sweat and oil from my body. Certainly, I must have been a sight to behold. I watched the glass warily as I inched my way forward, slowly my face and body coming into view. And I was right about one thing: When I finally did see myself I was shocked at the appearance. So shocked in fact that when I slid into the mirror and saw what I appeared to look like, I stumbled back and let out a frightened squeak. My weak legs gave out from under me and I fell to the floor, pain jolting up my side for a moment.

“Great mushrooms!” Malakaii had gotten up in a hurry, startled awake, I struggled and sat up, struggling to breathe, staring at the glass on the wall as if it were a snake about to bite me as he came forward and knelt down beside me. He fretted, helping me up as I stared up at the mirror anxiously. “What in the blazed sage are you doing girl?” Malakaii demanded.

I stayed quiet, forcing my breathing to calm, the way I had been trained to do during life. When I was ready, I stood, and looked into the mirror again, my new eyes wide and I reached up and touched my face. From what I could see, I was still small, petite, and quite unimposing in my body frame but my total look was different. Gone was my short cropped ebony hair, once as dark as the midnight sky with no moon, and replaced by long flowing light brown hair. It had somehow grown from the bottom of my ears to the length of my waist. How had I not noticed before? Gone were my slanted Japanese eyes that had been so dark and soulless, and in place gentle almond-shaped eyes, the color of the brown orbs one would find on a little girl’s favorite chocolate brown teddy bear. Shorter strands of hair framed my face.

“Why do I look so different?” I asked curiously, a slender hand reaching up and touching my own cheek experimentally. Most of what he had explained didn’t make sense to me, as if it were all a rushed explanation, something to pacify. But this… this was something I had to know. I turned to him, my new hair whirling around me, and I found myself almost liking it. I’d always been a bit of a tomboy; I didn’t have time to fuss with pretty clothes or hair which was understandable considering my past… career.

I watched as Malakaii sighed and shook his head. “In this world we appear as we are and not how we are made. In other words, our appearance reflects our hearts. We are but mere souls now after all.” He said in a gruff tone, turning. “Where is Alice?” He asked, suddenly, looking out the window.

"She said something about picking flowers." I told him, looking at him, finally able to tear away my gaze from the stranger in the mirror. I was slightly confused and irritated. If what he said were true, I should have been one of the most frightening people within purgatory - I was certain of it. Irritation crept into my demeanor as I waited for more words about my newly found appearance. However, the irritation fizzled away as I examined his face. His brow was wrinkled with worry, and he was leaning on his stick, his head cocked as if he were listening to something. There was an open window in the room, and there was a loud rustle coming from it - or rather under it. I stared out the window, wishing I had a blade to scare off whatever wild animal had joined the small party of two.  A furry head popped into the window, and it screamed. It was a long drawn out noise, almost painful to hear;  sounding between a hiss and a birds cry. I blinked at the brown creature, its tail was long and puffed out, its fur tipped with gold, and it looked soft and yet rough at the same time. It had large teeth, long and sharp and I blinked at it.

"What the hell is that?" I asked in a dull voice.

"A mongoose, child. Shut yer yapper for a moment!" Malakaii rushed to the window and it chattered at him.  It seemed not even seconds before a faint terrified scream echoed into the house from outside and the Mongoose screamed at Malakaii in what I could only describe as frustration.

“Alice!” Malakaii and I both cried out. I am not sure what caused this strength, perhaps adrenaline, but my body suddenly responded to my subconscious commands and I darted past him to the wooden door, and yanked it open. As I rushed outside, Malakaii's voice followed behind me, yelling strange words I did not understand. His voice was loud and guttural, something about it commanded attention.I looked back at him, his long staff was glowing a vivid aura of colors. These colors did not simply glow but they came from within, protruding from his hand, swirling and vortexing about the wood. It was only a second I could recognize this before the spectrum of color shot out at me and flew directly into my chest. I cried out for just a split second when the colors hit me, but I realized they'd not hurt. It was almost warm, and gentle, if not urgent.

What the hell was that? I didn’t have time to be curious, instead, I turned and shot forward, unable to quell the fear as another terrified scream echoed at me from a thick density of trees. I had run outside to a beautiful world, one of trees, wildflowers, and a gentle breeze, but I didn’t have time to take that in. “Alice! Where are you?” I cried out, and another scream from ahead, beyond a veil of trees. The creature that Malakaii had called a mongoose was at my feet now. I was amazed at its speed. It’s dark brownish-red eyes met mine and I went to step over it impatiently when a voice echoed through my mind.

Quickly girl! Follow me! A female voice echoed in my head, and I almost tripped on the brown body as the mongoose dashed around my ankles twice, then sped off towards the trees. I dashed forward, my bare feet naturally quiet against the ground, as I kicked into my old habits. I ran as fast as I could but my velocity could not keep up. I lost sight of the animal quickly and I stopped, controlling my fast paced breath. I was in the midst of an evergreen forest. Shrubs and undergrowth shimmered at me as I glanced around the thick trunks surrounding me, unable to see anything but the lush forest.

"Where? Where?" I called out, trying to let it know I had lost it. I was talking to a mongoose. Words could not describe the oddity of the situation, or the perplexion I felt. I could hear Alice's cries of fear in front of me, and before I could take another step, something climbed up my leg. I looked down, startled as a white creature with red eyes that looked similar to the mongoose climbed up my body and perched on my shoulder. This was a slimmer, longer creature and its pink skin was prominent under its snow-white fur. Unfamiliar as the creature was, I tried to bat it away in frustration. Nimbly the animal crawled up my leg, passing my hip and used my new long hair as a ladder to perch on my shoulder.

That way! I will lead you to her! A male voice echoed in my head and he nipped at my ear roughly. Forward, quick as you get! I didn't have time to think about the fact that animals were talking to me, and I had no idea what this one was. I pushed through the trees as fast as my legs would carry me. My feet made no noise over the leaves on the forest floor and, as I ran, the strange musty smelling creature on my shoulder chanted in my mind: Faster...faster...faster...

I came to a clearing, I took in the dark purple flowers and the tall grass in the meadow for half a second, but my eyes locked onto the beast that was hunkering towards the little girl in a low crouch. Alice sat clutching a large armful of purple flowers on stalks, cowering, tears flowing down her pink cheeks. The mongoose was standing in front of her, baring its cat-like teeth at the creature, screaming angrily at the monster who was stalking Alice.

Come near her I will tear your head off like you're a snake! The female voice shrieked in my head but I knew it was not directed at me. I could tell now it sounded older, like a woman in her prime. The strange white creature on my shoulder was shrieking in my mind.

Save the girl from the Tisin! Save Alice from the Tisin!

The beast was almost feline in its appearance, it was dark brown and fur that looked coarse and rough lined its body. Its eyes were red but shaped like a humans, its mouth full lips instead of a cat’s maw. It had claws that gouged into the ground as it walked, black and splintered as if it were an animal that was not well groomed. It stood taller than my three story house back on Earth when I was alive. I couldn’t help but feel a faint flicker of intimidation course through my veins as my heart pounded within my ears. It had strange markings on its legs, but I didn’t have time to take in anymore. I ran forward, dashing through the grass, my bare feet pitter-pattering against the ground. Running past Alice I leapt into the air and turned my body naturally, easily getting into position to kick the crouching feline-human monster. It was then I noticed the scorpion tail flinging wildly from side to side behind it.

My kick surprised the beast and it blinked, but otherwise my small body did not phase it. I fell to the ground, and I rolled, landing in front of Alice. I got to my feet and crouched, my fists in front of me as I took a defensive stance. How could such a creature exist? I wondered briefly before concluding to the thought that if dragons could live, why not creatures like this? I snapped out of my awe and fascination with the ugly creature before turning my attention for a second to Alice while the creature shook its head, trying to shake off the shock of my surprise kick to its head - or trying to shake off the humor in such a small woman standing before as if she were going to bare handedly kick its tail-end.

“Alice. Run. Go to Malakaii.” I told her as I stared at my strange opponent. It raised that monstrous stinger attached to the end of itself, a sneer forming on its face. It was quite ugly, and I noticed a strange thing on its chest. It had what looked like an exposed wound, strips of armored flesh giving me a peek into what looked like a crater in its chest, and inside, a pulsing and beating blob of flesh. Could that have been its heart? I didn’t have time to think about it much as Alice stood, and looked up at me, her eyes wide full of fear.

“But…you can’t…”

“I said go. Now. No arguments I will be fine.” I promised her. “You can give me those flowers when I’m done here, okay?” I never took my eyes off my enemy. I decided I needed to go towards the thing that reminded me of a heart. How else was I going to hurt it? It was much too large for me to wrap my arms around the neck and snap it - even if I could get my arms around the beast’s neck, it was probably much too strong to be affected by me in such a way. I was unarmed so slicing and dicing wouldn’t work. My only chance was to put my fist right through those tan armored strips of flesh and hope I had enough strength to punch a hole right through that disgusting, black-goo leaking heart. Alice took off, turning and running as fast as she could towards the cottage. The cat-human thing snarled and acted as if it was to go after her, and I bared my teeth and let out a strange sounding shriek, to get its attention. It was animistic, so I would need to think animistic as well. At least that’s how I justify it. It was mostly instinct that made me scream at it. My point was to challenge it. It turned its human eyes that glowed like rubies at me, its humanoid face sneering. Crouching again, the strange animal that was no longer on my shoulder, but now chasing after Alice, had called it a Tisin. Were these the monsters that Malakaii had been talking about? Was this creature trying to devour Alice’s existence? Again, I had no time to actually ponder this as its tail flicked and aimed a strike.

I dashed again, and ran under it as its tail smashed into the ground where I had been standing. Dirt and grass exploded upwards as it ripped its tail from the ground. I ran straight for it, figuring the safest place to be would be under it. It couldn’t very well stab itself trying to get me, could it? As I approached, I tried to reach a punch towards the heart overestimating my puny height. I had never experienced a battle, besides my death of course, where I had the underhand. It irritated me and my pride stung as I fell, but that was soon smashed away into pain and frustration. Its paw slammed into my side, flinging me painfully into the air. I had never before been hit so hard I had been sent airborne. I was shocked, and pain racked my body as I slammed into the ground and rolled again. There was a low rumbling from the creature, and a sadistic smile on its face.

“Damn it!” I could not believe how much effort it took for me to push myself on to my knees. My arms were shaking, my breathing ragged, and to be honest I wasn’t entirely sure how I was still conscious. My entire body hurt, including my ribs. The Tisin had sat on its hind quarters, and watched me with narrowed eyes. When I finally pushed myself to my feet, I was met with a tail, swinging and smashing me with the side of the thick stinger once again flinging me back. When I landed, I slid this time, and the pain in my ribs was sharp. Faintly, I realized that this monster was toying with me, the way a cat toyed with a mouse after catching it. Why else would it not have rammed the tip of the stinger all the way through my torso yet? Why else had it not devoured me and loped after Alice? I felt the anger stabbing at my concentration like a knife, but I took a breath and forced it away, for the only thing more dangerous in a battle besides arrogance was anger. I looked up at the monster, my heart racing in my ears. The Tisin took its turn charging at me now, and I was not sure how to defend myself. It was big, and it had knocked me back twice already.  I had no weapon, my body hurt almost too much to move. I closed my eyes, and felt utterly hopeless. Why couldn’t I protect the people I wanted to? I had just found myself in this purgatory world after dying on Earth, and now I was to die here already? I was irritated with myself for a split second. I was a warrior, an assassin. I was Yuzuki Kobayashi, and the Kobayashi's were anything but helpless! No matter the circumstance, right? No, that is nothing but exaggerated ambition, even I will admit. However, I would not bow down for I was the strongest of my siblings, with a will that my father could never stamp out, and I would kill this creature for daring to threaten my new friend, damn it!

I yanked myself upwards, feeling a warmth from my belly. Is this what determination felt like? Courage? As far as I knew, I’d never felt those things before. My mind barely acknowledged the strange wind kicking up around me until a whirlwind whistled and howled, clouding the brilliant sunshine around my body. Though it was fierce, delicate white feathers danced in the whirlwind that hid the outside world from me, and me from the outside world. I was in the eye of it, safe from the winds that made the feathers dance thickly in a continuous circle around me. Again, I was feeling confused. What was this? I had no magic, as far as I knew so I could not be causing this whirlwind. I turned painfully in place, my bare feet ripping grass in the velocity as I spun to face the opposite direction, then back again.

Nothing. I could see nothing before pain erupted from my chest, and I screamed, arching backward involuntarily, my hand's flying to my breasts. It felt as though my heart was being yanked from me through my chest bone. It was a strange pain though, the agony not only came from me physically, but my mind seemed to shatter, tear, and regroup. Flashes of memories of my life on Earth, and also memories of something else that I could not understand or make out shot through my mind, each less than a second long; each new image as painful as the last. I was vaguely aware that I was still shrieking in agony, and I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. Hot salt water dripped down my cheeks not from the physical pain, but from the sudden feeling of being incomplete internally. It was as if something very important was yanked from my very core, and I now felt less than whole, as if a dire part of myself was missing. I wanted it back, whatever it was, and I cried out. Was this the work of the Tisin? Was it eating my energy? I silently begged for the missing piece back - shamelessly weeping like a child.

Calm yourself Yuzuki, I am no longer a part of you physically, but soon enough the internal part of your soul will be fulfilled. To protect, to serve, to defend - this is the sacrifice we must both make. This voice was male but different from the young voice I heard from the strange animal that had led me to the clearing. This was strong and gentle, wise yet youthful. The sound of a man that has reached the prime age of perhaps his middle twenties. It was urgent and yet it reflected the audible sound of still water - if you can make sense of such a notion.

When the voice echoed gently in my head, my pain stopped, and I opened my eyes to find a slender katana, with the etchings of a feather on its steel floating before me. But first things first, I am Estrakulius. I am an extension of your soul. I am your blade. I will guide you. Go for the heart, or we shall perish together. I shall not bother telling you how to fight, for now you must wing it. You are badly injured, and that too means my ability to communicate has been weakened.

Needless to say, I was very confused - again. I was not sure how many new strange occurrences I could handle. Talking animals, glowing colorful staffs, old men who smoked pipes that smelled different with each exhalation, and little girls that made my heart yearn oddly. However, none of this seemed to matter the second I realized I could see the giant beast still charging at me from beyond the whirlwind.  I grabbed the handle of the blade suspended in the air before me and the feathers that danced within the miniature tornado exploded outwards, along with the wind that had surrounded me. When I touched the blade, the calm that ran through me was that of the still-water feeling I had always thrived to achieve during a job or battle. I ran towards the charging beast and the blade, for as long and heavy as it looked, was weightless in my grasp. My body melded into the proper stance and once more I ran under the beast, dodging the teeth and tail that both came snapping towards me at speeds faster than my eye could follow. This time when I jumped, I put all my strength into my legs, and at the peak of my jump, my blade pierced the pumping heart, between one of the leathery strips of flesh. I let out a fierce joyful war scream as a semi-familiar feeling of pressure vibrated through my hands. With an eerie cry the beast simply froze. When I landed, I propelled myself forward from under it, barely getting out from under the monster before it collapsed. It seemed so rather anticlimactic at that point.

When I turned towards it, I did so quickly, hoping that one last desperate strike from its poisonous tail was not aimed at my back. There was no such strike and I lowered my blade, letting the shock and surprise take its natural course through my veins. I had done it, I'd killed the beast. I was not sure how, to be honest, it had been mostly pure luck and the blade within my hand confused me greatly. It was almost as confusing as the fact that the creature of assorted deadly animal parts was now glowing purple. It began as a dull glow, hard to differentiate unless the eyes were staring closely. The purple glow grew brighter, ever so quickly becoming more and more brilliant until it hurt my eyes and I had to look at it from the side of my vision. With some difficulty, I watched it shrink into a new form, and once it stopped glowing, I immediately turned and looked at it. Now, it was a woman, taller than I, covered in scars and naked.

Nearly every bone jutted out from her skeletal form, but it was still obvious she was feminine. It was a grotesque thing to look at, pockmarked with obvious pains of a life of abuse. She turned her red eyes towards me and smiled, which made my anxiety grow with my confusion. Where had the monstrosity of combination of animals gone? And why was this woman, who was bleeding from above her left breast smiling at me in such a way? It was as if I had just given her something she’d wanted more than life itself. She was curled up on the grass, her body twisted so that she could look towards me, one skeletal arm reaching towards me, that smile on her scarred and sunken face. I believe the word I would use to describe myself in that moment would be “frightened.”

“Thank you…” She whispered, and her body dissolved into light, the purple going to my blade, making it glow for a moment then it faded back to normal. A pure white light lingered for a moment from where her body had dissipated. This white light slowly floated upwards, then burst out  like a snow white firework in the sky. Like a firework, small specks of light flowed back down towards me, but faded long before they ever came close to touching my flesh. Only once the pure white light had faded completely was I able to tear my eyes away and see that I was surrounded by strangely dressed people, Malakaii and Alice among them.

Chapter's End

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