Harper's Hill, Chapter 21: What Comes After Goodbye

The apartment wasn’t anything fancy, but it felt like a sanctuary.

The small two bedroom above a cozy bookstore felt like the perfect place for Emily’s fresh start. In the past six months, Emily had gone through a major transition. She went from the typically tragic East side girl who was extremely attached to her older brother to a more confident woman who was getting to know her family, new and old.

The West side had a calmness that she wasn’t used to. Even though the East side was always eerily quiet, the chaos was always loud, and Emily finally felt like she was in a space where she could feel safe. She found it crazy how she felt so different when it was just a hill. That’s it — that was all that separated the two sides of Harper’s Hill. But it was more than that… It had been years and years of intense rivalry, even though the competition was never equal. One side always had more power over the other.

Every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, Emily felt a mix of guilt and gratitude as she sorted through the books at one of the West side’s three libraries. She liked the work and she felt lucky to have the job (thanks to the help of her Uncle Nathan), but she felt like the people in the East still needed her. However, she still delivered groceries on the weekends, and she kept that as her reminder to stay humble.

Now that Emily and Nicole were living together, they were closer than ever. They had been through their first argument, which led to their first make-up dinner, where Nicole treated Emily to wings and cheap beers at a local pub. Any tension had melted, and they were becoming more comfortable with each other than ever. Emily liked feeling this comfortable with someone, like she could just be herself at any moment, it didn’t matter. She felt like Nicole felt the same way towards her.

Nicole was so different from James, and that was exactly what Emily liked about her. Nicole was bubby and fiery, always lifting her up and making her feel good. James would make her feel safe, but sometimes stifled, and never particularly uplifted.

Even though she’d grown up in the East side and she missed it sometimes, she also appreciated the liveliness of the West side. Emily went out a lot more now, hanging out with Nicole and her friends. It was actually a lot of fun. And it was nice to feel safe out after dark. The West side felt a lot lighter than the East side, which was different for her.

Maybe there were still changes in the future for her. She was still young. Maybe she would be able to go to school one day. Maybe one day she’d have a family. She was finally letting herself dream beyond just survival. She didn’t know what would happen as time went on. But for now, she had a new sense of purpose and she was ready to find out who she was — on her own terms.

She felt different now, and sometimes she found herself smiling for no reason. She didn’t feel stuck in the East side anymore — she felt like she was ready to be free. Is this why people liked the West side so much? Is that what it did to people? What was it about the West side that let people shed their past and become the people they actually wanted to be?

She was ready to start a new chapter. No more looking over her shoulder, no more secrets. Emily was finally free.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear James,

I am writing to you because something inside of me told me that I should. I am writing to you because I'd rather do this than speak to you in person. I am writing to you because I want you to know that I'll be okay, even without you in my life. I am walking away from our relationship, at least for now.

I feel so betrayed by you that it's hard to explain and put into words. I feel like I can never trust anybody again. I feel like my whole entire life was a lie. I never imagined that I'd feel like this towards you, but I never want to speak to you again. As much as I love you dearly, and of course Riley (who did nothing wrong, at all), the pain I feel is so immeasurable that I do not want to be around you at all. At least for now.

Honestly James, you were always my protector. Or at least, that's what I thought. Maybe some part of you thought that your actions were for the greater good, but unfortunately all you ended up doing is ruining relationships. When Dad told me what you did and how you behaved, I almost couldn't believe it. But then I know that there's this anger in you that I never could explain. And maybe this situation has something to do with it. I just can't believe that you always made me believe that Dad chose to abandon us, when the truth was so far from that.

I didn't want to believe him. But I knew he was telling the truth. And I'm sorry, but I don't really care to hear your explanation. I'm ready to move on. I've been looking for safety in all of the wrong places. I can't keep depending on you to fix everything and save the day. It's time to be my own person, and I think I'm actually ready for that. That should make you happy, shouldn't it?

Uncle Nathan is helping me and Nicole get a place in the West side together, which is kinda crazy to me, but that's what's happening. I don't know what's gonna happen with Dad. I just know that I'm ready to try again with him. I feel like we never got our chance. He honestly seems like such a different person as opposed to the person that I remember. Maybe he can actually be a father to me again, which is all I need.

I don't think that you and I can ever go back to the place that we were in, and maybe that's okay. Not every relationship lasts forever. Thank you endlessly for the growth that you helped me achieve with your support, but now it's time for me to walk away. I'm ready to grow on my own.

Please don't contact me. I hope that you understand.

I need space, I need to breathe. I need to become the person I was meant to be. I'm sorry that we never got the chance to do all of the things we said we would do, but maybe now you know that you should be more honest with people.

Goodbye James.

Love, Emily.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This may be the end of Emily's story (for now), but that doesn't mean the end of Harper's Hill.

We're taking a natural break, but come back on March 28th (March 23rd for VIPs) to jump into a brand new part of Harper's Hill and hear the story of someone new!