Desperation Is Clawed

When Moses finished his Master’s, he decided to move to Honolulu. Given the free trade agreement between Canada and the United States, the flexibility of his online job, Sophie’s fondness for Hawai'i, and his growing love for these Polynesian islands, he found it easy to realise his plan. He sold most of their furniture, bought an expensive notebook computer, and practically gave away all of his books, save those that he could fit into a sturdy suitcase and take with him to his promised land. But which books should he take? Which books were (are) indispensable? Which books should survive after his disappearance, after humanity’s downfall?

His twelve Nietzsche books (including The Antichrist in English and French), five Freud books (including Moses and Monotheism and The Future of an Illusion both in English and French), four Philip Roth books (he later bought all the rest of his wonderful books), seventeen Shakespeare plays, three books by and on Darwin, two Kafka books, four Saul Bellow books, The Pawnbroker, four Bernard Malamud books, three Elie Wiesel books, five Richler books, two A. M. Klein books, Call It Sleep, three Leonard Cohen books, Leaves of Grass, Ragtime, Invisible Man, Wilde’s Plays book, Marlowe’s The Complete Plays book, Marx and Engels book, Carl Sagan book, two Stephen Hawking books, two Steven Pinker books, War and Peace (the abridged version), What Did They Think of the Jews, The Norton Anthology of English Literature (Volumes 1 and 2), The Rhetoric of Fiction, Debating Texts, Mimesis, The Mirror and the Lamp, The VALIS Trilogy, Replay, and The Perfect Lover. He would have included his thirteen Kundera and three of Houellebecq’s books, as well as Camus’ L’étranger, were they with him then. But he only discovered them a few years later thanks to a slight coworker when he had to return to Montreal to take care of ailing Sophie, as well as undergo his father’s demise, and in that painful process, finally realise the retribution owed to his mother.

Hang Loose they gesture around Hawai'i like an open peace sign using two different fingers. People are nicer to each other—Polynesian hospitality is contagious. The music is mellow, cheerful and melancholic, all at the same time—Israel Kamakawiwo’ole’s voice haunts these blessed islands like a coming storm. The ocean is calling from dawn till dusk under a welcoming sun. The local cuisine is pineapple-sweet, papaya-savvy, banana-keen—Hawaiians are heavy like the wind. You walk around as if lost, happy to be adrift, wishing to go astray within Hawaiian History—King Kalakaua, Queen Liliuokalani, Prince Kuhio, Pearl Harbor, 1959. Oahu woos you like a bride to be; the Big Island calls you to its volcanic shores; Maui pampers you like a newborn; Kauai welcomes you with open gardens—Hawai'i awaits you. Enjoy your stay!

After losing his job in Honolulu due to company restructuring four months following his move to that honoured city, he remained there seven additional months, looking for a job and enjoying the view that his apartment on the 28th floor could tender. Sophie had travelled back to Montreal a month before he had lost his position to take care of her alcohol-abusing brother, remaining there after she had heard the news. A month following the al-Qaida attack, Moses sold everything, save the books, and returned to Montreal to take care of Sophie who had found out that she had breast cancer. All the cancer and most of the money gone six months later, he accepted a low-paying job as a research assistant in a drug and alcohol rehabilitation centre. With hard work and persistence, he was able to augment his salary by 40% and become a research associate within two years, but was disappointed by his immediate boss, plastic Paloma—both in personality and appearance—and his colleague, politically correct Pascal, who surfed his little self through work on his back, getting the same 40% salary raise and position title for just being there. Yet, introducing Moses to Kundera and Houellebecq as well as Philip Glass and Radio Tarifa, bought Pascal his eternal esteem. Yet his so-called regard was often tainted by some of Pascal’s words and actions.

Moses did not mention his so-called Jewish identity to his co-workers, including Pascal, judging it to be the only way to ascertain their actual beliefs vis-à-vis Jews. What did they think of the Jews? The director happened to be Jewish, so his co-workers would be careful, weighing their words when Jews were concerned, thought Moses. It would be difficult for them to reveal their truest feelings. But Moses had French ancestry, they were led to believe when they asked him about his origins on several occasions. Slowly but surely the truth came out. It lacked the incredulity surrounding Malamud’s character in The Fixer, who was accused, among other things, of draining a Russian boy of the entirety of his blood and using it to bake Passover matzos. The rhetoric here was more postmodern.

“The only reason we still hear about the Holocaust is Jews’s pervasive use of their wealth to continuously bring their cause to the forefront,” said Pascal. “What about the Armenian holocaust and the Tutsi genocide? They don’t have any money, so they can’t voice their consternations” he added.

“You cannot equate their suffering with that of the Jews. The Holocaust was highly organised, both in its planning and execution. The systematic annihilation of six million Jews during six long years has no precedent. Most of them were gathered like cattle, pushed into livestock railway wagons, carted for several days across Europe to slaughterhouses, divided into Grade Live and Grade Die, stripped of an even larger chunk of their humanity, gassed to death, and set ablaze in crematoria” replied Moses. “Proof abounds as to all these occurrences; no money was needed,” he added.

“The Tutsi were bludgeoned to death, whereas the Jews had the chance to survive in concentration camps,” said Pascal.

“I’d rather be hacked to death than survive in a concentration camp,” replied Moses.

“I’d rather take my chances in a concentration camp,” said Pascal.

“You must be kidding,” replied Moses. Pascal also attended a march against the Israeli occupation and for Palestinian emancipation. “So you’re also for the Arabs and against the Israelis,” replied Moses.

“I’m for all oppressed people and against all oppressors,” said Pascal.

“You’re not for the Jews,” replied Moses.

“I have nothing against the Jews,” said Pascal.

“You’re not for them and you make anti-Semitic remarks,” replied Moses.

“My remarks are not anti-Semitic,” said Pascal.

“Saying that the Holocaust is still being talked about only because of Jewish money and that the Israelis are oppressors are Judeopathic statements,” replied Moses.

“That’s the problem with talking about Jews. As soon as you say something truthful, you’re labeled an anti-Semite, for which you can lose your job,” said Pascal.

“So your job is the only thing that is holding you back,” replied Moses and went to the washroom to cool himself down.

Moses heard only three other derogatory remarks about Jews before his so-called secret was out, two by a caseworker and one by the janitor. His father’s passing had been advertised in the Jewish section of the paper and one of the managers had read about it, apparently surprised to find out that Moses was Jewish.

Was he thus set for life, or was it just a drawback? These questions were often pondered upon by Moses, their possible answers, yes and yes, yes and no, no and yes, and no and no, often contemplated. He hoped for the no and yes combination.

Setting out to work on the no, Moses launched a small—one man—online corporation in 2003: OSAW (Online Showcase for Aspiring Writers). OSAW offered English students around the world an online platform where they could convey their thoughts, tell their stories, express their feelings and even propose solutions through their writings, while showcasing their talents. OSAW offered these students an online showcase for their essays, poetry and short stories. Students aspiring to become writers or simply to write could use OSAW to state their opinions, narrate their stories and reveal their feelings.

The Home page featured the following dialogue:

“Did you hear about OSAW?”

”The capital of Norway?”

”No! O SAW!”

”The ode to the saw?”

”No! O Saw!”

”What did O see?”

”No! Online Showcase for Aspiring Writers!”

”No!”

”They publish student essays, poetry and short stories online.”

”For free?”

Clicking on a link led to the rest of the dialogue:

“Yes and no!”

”What do you mean?”

”The publication of your first essay, first poem and first short story is not free. However, your second essay, second poem and second short story are published for free.”

“How much does it cost?”

“OSAW charges a $12 fee for your first essay, a lower $10 fee for your first short story, and a lower still $5 fee for your first poem.”

“Where do they publish my writings?”

“They feature them on osaw.net for as long as osaw.net exists and enter the remarkable ones into the annual contest where you can receive recognition and win up to $1,000 in each category.”

“Who decides what is remarkable?”

“All OSAW participants vote for the top ten in each category, and a number of English professors, literary magazine editors, as well as OSAW’s editor select the three winners in each category.”

“Do I have to enter material in every category?”

“No! You can submit only essays, only poetry or only short stories.”

“So I pay only once in each category?”

“Yes and no!”

“What do you mean?”

“You can submit one more piece for free in each category in which you published your first piece, again to be featured online for as long as osaw.net exists.”

“What happens after I publish, for example, two short stories?”

“You may start the process all over again. You pay for the publication of the first short story, and the publication of the second one is free.”

“Is a published piece ever removed from osaw.net?

“No! Unless you state otherwise and wish it to be removed. It cannot, however, be entered into the annual contest more than once.”

OSAW’s Web site included an extensive glossary of literary terms, pages relating to frequently asked questions and guidelines, a helpful links page, an internal search function, a GPA calculator, Top Ten voting pages, an appropriate shopping page, as well as author, essay, poem, and short story index pages, and of course, automatically scrollable pages to feature all essays, poetry and short stories. The Home page even included alternating quotations, such as Einstein’s Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one, Covey’s Live out of your imagination, not your history, Sales’s Assumptions allow the best in life to pass you by, Allen’s I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve it through not dying, Wilde’s The basis of optimism is sheer terror, Freud’s Everywhere I go I find a poet has been there before me, Lennon’s Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans, Popper’s No amount of observations of white swans can allow the inference that all swans are white, but the observation of a single black swan is sufficient to refute that conclusion, and an unknown’s Enjoy life; there’s plenty of time to be dead.

A score of professors from around the world and two American literary magazine editors agreed to act as judges in the annual contest, but not a single student had submitted his or her writings. Unable to afford any campus or online advertising, Moses had relied on all the hundreds of English Department Heads that he had contacted to inform their students about osaw.net. After six months, he had to conclude that both professors and students wanted the showcase to be free of charge, something Moses could not afford without any sponsors. Would Microsoft or Dell pay him to advertise their wares on osaw.net? A sonnet, your sonnet, osaw.net would have to convince them.