dear god… (3*)

Dear God,

Thank you for gifting me a day of ease and pleasure with my new friend.

I ask that you stay close to her over the coming weeks. She is standing at a crossroads between the darkness and you, and I want so much for her to choose you — to choose herself, her self-worth. She has such a big test in front of her, so much pain masked beneath many addictions, and I wish so deeply that she chooses the path to overcome them.

But of course, I cannot choose for her. Nor can you. All we can do is love her and support her, no matter what she chooses. She deserves our efforts. She has shown me that over and over again.

Please forgive her for her weakness, and send her extra support. I love her, and I don’t want her to suffer more. She listens to wisdom. She knows she is connected to her intuition and she notices signs. Let us overwhelm her with signs affirming her self-worth and reassuring her that she is correct to say no to this toxic behaviour from this man. I know it’s going to get hard for her. She needs you more than she realises.

Thank you for sending her to me, and for giving me the opportunity to be her true friend and cheerleader. I’m trying my best — trying so hard to remain truly loving, unattached to the outcome, and forgiving of her choices, knowing how long it took me to overcome the same patterns.

I didn’t have anyone to guide me back then, and I always believed it could have been different for me if I had. Perhaps this will show me if I’m correct or not.

As always, I ask you to bless all the people who have been exceptionally good to me (names removed) — and of course include the loyal Patreons and strangers I don’t know by name who have sent donations. They have sent me so much more than just the monetary value that I exchange for food and essentials. They’ve sent me hope. Love.

They’ve also sent me trust in you — and it’s all more than I could ever put into words.

Please care for them all, and bless them in return. And of course, bless all the beings who showed up and offered kindness today in the world. Let their love return to them tenfold. Allow all those who are truly trying to be better humans to feel safe, comforted, and nurtured. Let it be enough that they’re trying hard.

We are all completely imperfect, but I believe it’s our trying that makes us holy. It’s our sincere efforts that make us holy.

I pray for more food forests to be replanted all over the world — for all children to have free access to organic fruits. And, actually, all adults too. This is how it should be. But of course, you know this already.

As always, I remind you that I would very much like to fly back to Scotland, collect my hiking gear and move into my Omaze house after going on a long, long, long, long walk. I will, of course, continue to trust your timing, just as I will continue to tell you that I feel ready. So ready. Fully, truly and patiently ready.

And I know I’ve said this many times over the years, and as the months pass by, that feeling has grown stronger and stronger. Because as I look back, I realise that those past times when I thought I was ready, I actually wasn’t.

But surely, perhaps now I am correct. Surely now I am truly ready, and my feeling of being ready is finally true knowing, and truth.

But of course, you know all of this already. It almost makes me feel it’s kind of pointless to write these letters to you, and yet - on the other hand, it also feels entirely worth saying — even if just for the sake of my feeling this communication with you.

Much love and much trust,

Kayleigh