dear god…(10*)

As I sit here, looking at photos of my future house and listening to Cullen Vance’s “Will Ye Go Lassie Go?” — I realise that when I first move in, my job is to enjoy — to decompress and first fully recover my own health, vibrance, and beauty.

I’m going to learn to play so many instruments—perhaps the Celtic harp, the tin whistle, maybe the dulcimer, glass sound bowls, and a gong or two. I’m also going to learn how to remix / blend / create all of the wonderful music I hear inside of myself. This will be time to invest in myself without any guilt, for it is both necessary and sacred.

And it’s so important that I remember this —just as important as everything I wrote yesterday— I must not fall back into the trap of trying to prove myself to the world.

I will share my light, my gifts, and help those who seek me, but not in self-sacrifice. I must balance this dream vision for others with relaxation for myself and the knowing that I am deserving of the pleasure, peace, and rest that you are about to gift me.

I vow to remember the lesson that my very presence is enough. My love and joy vibration is enough. And to create the healing centre is to be done only for and from joy—not obligation. And it is not to consume my whole life.

I will always observe Shabbat. I will make sure I dance every day and take dance classes—at least one—just for me. I will joyfully indulge in all of the things that I want to do: learning, creating, knowing that I don’t have to do any more than that.

However, with my vibration being so high and my love for you being so great, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will want to do all that I’ve spoken of. I just need to be careful not to overextend myself and become lost in the project. I vow to remain in balance through all of this.

And I vow to make my alignment with you always the top of my priority list, because that is the single most important thing. Everything else comes second to that.

I write this today so that I may remember, should I ever fall back into the ego trap of thinking “I must save” “I must rescue” “I must help” etc etc.

No.

I must be at peace.

I must be in love.

I must be in joy.

And that is enough.

Even if that’s all I do for the rest of my life, that is enough.

I know that I can offer this world more—and so, of course, I will. I want to. I’m bursting to. But it must be done sustainably. It must be done from overflow, from joy, from love—not obligation. Not from a hero-ego complex or saviour complex, but only from genuine and sincere love and a desire to share with others and to serve you.

You have already given me so much. And with what you’re about to give me—this incredible and amazing life, both energetically and materially, the life that I’ve worked so hard to align with—I am so excited to share it with those who are worthy of sharing it.

I hold yesterday’s words—the dream of service through replanting Eden, and channelling light to the collective—close to me. And I marry it to deep inward grounding: rest, pleasure, beauty, music, joy, my health, dance. It’s all reminding me that I am the vessel, and I must first fill and honour myself.

Well—first honour you, and then me, and then others. I promise it. I vow never to act from obligation, saviourhood, or proving myself, but always from peace, joy, and love.

My joy is enough. And from that enoughness, all else flows.

The healing centre, the ministry, the service—they are not my whole life, but expressions of my whole self. I give from delight, not from depletion.

Thus, I hold both dreams as one: the dream for the collective and the dream for myself. They are not separate, but deeply entwined.

For my joy is the world’s healing, and my peace is the world’s blessing.

So much love,

Always,

Kayleigh