Crossing the Line (CH 40)

“When I finished speaking, I put my hands up in defeat, unsure of what else I might add to the things I already told her. Then, I shared the truth of my mind over the last few days. ‘I am like a wild beast, and a multitude of thoughts assails me. I readied myself to take you away from here a thousand times and fly across the fields, but what life would that be for you? At the same time, I cannot give you to another man and still draw breath. Sometimes I wonder why you should not instead take me, but as Amirbar, I will not ask you to disobey your father.’”

“‘I feel as though the tower of my strength has been turned into a marketplace, selling my honor for the sake of my heart. I do not know what to do about it, for I am unable to confront my King or refuse his will. Neither can you, but I would not be away from your side for any reason. India belongs to us. It is our Kingdom, though it appears this is not the will of Pharsidan. I am not sure what we should do or how we can go forward.’”

“Then, Nestan’s manner softened. Rain no longer burned her cheeks, and the lightning fled from her eyes. The pearl of her teeth caressed the rose of her lips as she smiled. ‘Why is it I too feel you are right in this?’”

“She was silent for a time, thinking, and her voice sweetened as she spoke. ‘I am sorry to wound you with my anger. You are not faithless or treacherous. Yet I found no way to reconcile your earlier words with the actions you took in my father’s court. I thought perhaps you counseled this marriage to the son of Khvarazmsha to be rid of me. It pained me near to death to consider you might do such a thing.’”

“‘I know you do not deny God. You give thanks and show faith to the ruler of the Heavens, as you are faithful to me. I beg Him for our good fortune and hope He will allow us to rule together, celebrating our Lordship with joy and happiness. To me, the best of all matches is for you and me to be sovereigns, but I do not yet understand how we might achieve this.’”

“Her wrath was spent, and I lay shipwrecked on the shores of her heart. Once more, she became tender towards me. I looked at her face, unable to decide if I gazed at a soft sun or the full moon. She stroked my hair and soothed my wounds. We talked at length, each enjoying the nearness of the other. For a time, we forgot everything around us, content with no more than the comfort of one another.”

“After many hours, our conversation turned towards what we could do to stop the planned marriage, and Nestan spoke. ‘Those who are prudent never act in haste. Instead, they create the outcome they desire, remaining calm in the face of every storm. We must be like them and put the motion of the world to work for us. If we plan our course together, we will grind our troubles to dust like wheat beneath a millstone.’”

“‘Should you refuse to allow the son of Khvarazmsha to come, you will invite the ire of my father. The two of you will be set against one another. In time you may find cause to fight, each striving for what he believes to be best for our Kingdom. Your quarrel will make a wasteland of India, and the country will be destroyed. Our enemies will overcome us, and we will be lost to one another.’”

“‘Yet, if you allow this trespasser in and I am married to him, you and I will be forever separated. The joy and gaiety we dressed one another with will be turned to robes of mourning. Meanwhile, those around us will be joyous. They will celebrate what they believe to be my wish. Our suffering will multiply a hundredfold at the sight of their happiness. I would die, for I will never have it said Persians hold sway in my court.’”

“At the thought of my love married to another, my hand found its way to my sword, and I spoke out. ‘God before me, I will not let this wedding come to pass! When these men come here, I will ride out to assess their quality. Then I will show them our true strength and come down on them like a storm. I will ruin every man and animal they bring here, leaving their corpses on the roadside.’”

“Nestan stilled my hand, speaking wisdom in the face of my wrath. ‘No, you must not do this. A woman should behave in the manner of her sex, and I will not accept wanton bloodshed.’”

“‘You would make a wall of me, dividing what you seek to protect and hurting us both in the process. Let them enter but do not meet them. Instead, make your way in secret to the son of Khvarazmsha, and only kill him. Do not disturb his armies or the men of his guard, for he alone bears this sin.’”

“‘This will bring true justice to us, which makes the driest of trees turn green again. You, who are my lion and the most excellent of all heroes, must eliminate the trespasser with stealth. But remember, his men did no harm to you. Do not slaughter them like cattle, or there will be too much innocent blood on your hands. Only one among them has trespassed towards me. Punish him and no other.’”

“‘When he is laid low by your hand, tell my father. Make him know the heritage of our country is yours alone, and you will not allow one coin from our Kingdom to feed the Persians. If he does not listen and allow you to rule in peace, tell him you will make a wilderness of the city.’”

“‘However, do not say you want my love. Keep your desire for me a secret. This will make the righteousness of your actions greater. The King will become desperate and beg you to act in the interests of India. I will agree to be your wife, and we will marry. When this happens, we will rule together as it should be. This will be the best outcome for us.’”

“The wisdom of this woman I so loved never ceased to amaze me. She had found the way to what we desired, at no more than the cost of a single life. I would only slay he who dared trespass upon what was mine, and in doing so, keep our country intact. Her counsel pleased me, and I rose to leave, so I might prepare.”

“She begged me to stay longer. Though I burned to embrace her, I did not let myself take the liberty. Instead, I spent a little more time there before taking my leave and bidding her goodnight. As was our custom, Asmath led me out. But my grief increased a thousandfold as I rode away. Our parting reduced the fire of my joy to no more than a flickering candle.”

“I left to prepare for a task I must complete out of necessity rather than want. While honor could be found in protecting the sovereignty of my Kingdom, there was little glory in slaying an unarmed Prince as he slept. Yet my duty was to India and Nestan.”

“With these thoughts on my mind, I made my way back to the fortress I lived in. When I arrived, I walked towards my rooms with slow and leaden steps. Each foot wishing more than the one before to go in the other direction so I could be next to the sun of my heart.”