Close Enough

Dark Memoirs - Index

"And at last, becoming a complete misanthrope, he used to live, spending his time in walking about the mountains; feeding on grasses and plants, and in consequence of these habits, he was attacked by the dropsy, and so then he returned to the city, and asked the physicians, in a riddle, whether they were able to produce a drought after wet weather. And as they did not understand him, he shut himself up in a stable for oxen, and covered himself with cow-dung, hoping to cause the wet to evaporate from him, by the warmth that this produced. And as he did himself no good in this way, he died, having lived seventy years;" - Diogenes of Sinope

"I’m telling the truth, man. I know what I saw."

I sat there adjusting my tie a little. It had been a long day, and the coffee was rank. I stared into the oblivion beyond the man’s irises who sat across from me in the interview room. There had been a recent spate of unexplained disappearances, and he claimed to have the first lead in this case in months.

“Tell me again, Mr Franks, what you saw and heard. Stick to the facts.”

“Well, I had just spent the last of my paycheck in the dive bar off Second Street and was walking home, but not having the strongest of bladders, I needed to stop and piss in a small, unnamed alleyway.

That’s when I heard chatter. Well, it sounded like chatter at first. Banterish, even, until I got a little closer following the voices and it sounded less balanced and more one-sided.”

“One-sided how?”

“Well, you know when a child is being told off by their parents and they have no real defence. It was like that. One gentleman was discussing the other’s mistakes, but was being quite poesy about it.”

“What do you mean?”

“There was no mention of details, but there was an assumption in tone. Whatever he had done was serious. And whoever was talking to him was the individual tasked with dealing with it.

He was very cold and overconfident.”

“What makes you feel that?”

“He spoke in grandiose terms, like he was some grand executioner of judgment normally bestowed on gods and the like.”

"He sounds quite the character.*

I let my last comment hang in the air for a moment, shushing Mr Franks with just a finger.

"Wait, character... You don't believe me?"

"Au contraire, monsieur. I was just intrigued as to what you might think I'd do with the information.

"Catch the bastard."

"Interesting premise. But too gung-ho for my liking. Though you have helped me solve the case."

"Will there be a reward?"

"Of course. The police department appreciates the support of the wider community. Sit here while I make the necessary arrangements."

As I stood to walk out, I tapped his shoulder and said, "I'm so glad you were the first to come close enough to discovering I even existed. You should be proud."

Then I locked the door and filled the room with gas before he could even flinch.

Sometimes it's hard not to feel something approaching pride.