Chapter 19: Doubts and Desires

The next few days passed in a blur. Elara threw herself into her work, hoping to drown out the lingering emotions from her encounter with Kieran. It had been a mistake to meet him. She knew that now. Even though she had gotten the closure she wanted, his presence still hung over her like a cloud she couldn’t shake.

A, on the other hand, had been nothing but supportive. He hadn’t pried or asked more questions after she told him about Kieran, and that made her feel both relieved and guilty. His trust in her was unwavering, but Elara couldn’t stop the small seed of doubt that had been planted in her mind.

Was she truly done with Kieran? She wanted to be. She had chosen A—he was her present and her future. But Kieran had been a significant part of her life for so long, and his sudden reappearance stirred emotions she thought she had buried deep inside.

Elara sat at her desk, staring blankly at her computer screen. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard, but her mind was elsewhere. She had been avoiding her thoughts, pretending everything was fine, but the truth was, she felt torn. Torn between the stability and safety of her relationship with A and the raw, unfinished emotions that Kieran had brought back to the surface.

Her phone buzzed on her desk, pulling her out of her reverie. She glanced down, expecting it to be a work email or a message from A, but her heart skipped a beat when she saw Kieran’s name flash on the screen.

Kieran: I’m not giving up, Elara. I know you feel something for me, even if you won’t admit it.

Elara’s hands trembled as she picked up her phone. Why was he doing this? Why couldn’t he let her go? She had been clear—there was no future for them. But Kieran had always been stubborn, always pushed her boundaries, even when they were together.

She typed a quick response, her fingers shaking with frustration.

Stop messaging me. I told you, it’s over. I’m with A now, and I’m happy. Please respect that.

She hit send and immediately locked her phone, tossing it onto the desk. Her heart was pounding in her chest, a mixture of anger and anxiety swirling inside her. Why did it feel like Kieran still had some sort of hold on her? She didn’t want him back, but his persistence was chipping away at her resolve, making her question things she had already decided.

Just as she was about to dive back into her work, a knock at her office door startled her. She looked up to see her colleague, Isla, peeking in with a curious expression.

“Hey, you okay? You look a little… frazzled,” Isla said, stepping into the room.

Elara forced a smile, trying to mask the turmoil she was feeling. “Yeah, just a lot on my mind. You know how it is.”

Isla raised an eyebrow, clearly not convinced. “Uh-huh. Want to talk about it? You’ve been off lately, and I’m worried about you.”

Elara hesitated. She and Isla weren’t exactly close, but they had been working together for years and shared the occasional after-work drink. Maybe it would help to talk to someone, even if she couldn’t tell Isla everything.

“It’s… complicated,” Elara admitted, sighing. “My ex has been messaging me. He says he still loves me, but I’m in a relationship now, and I don’t know what to do.”

Isla’s eyes widened, and she let out a low whistle. “Yikes. That sounds like a mess. Is your current boyfriend the jealous type?”

Elara shook her head. “No, he’s not. He’s actually really understanding. But I told him about the messages, and now I feel like I’ve made things awkward between us.”

Isla leaned against the doorframe, crossing her arms as she considered Elara’s words. “Honestly, it sounds like your ex is playing games. If he really respected you, he’d back off. The fact that he’s still messaging you after you told him to stop? That’s a red flag.”

Elara nodded slowly. Isla was right. Kieran wasn’t respecting her boundaries. But why did part of her still feel drawn to him? Was it the unresolved emotions or the history they shared?

“I know,” Elara said, her voice barely above a whisper. “But it’s hard to just turn off those feelings, you know? We were together for so long, and now that he’s back… it’s like all the old emotions are resurfacing.”

Isla gave her a sympathetic look. “I get it. Relationships are messy, and emotions don’t just disappear overnight. But you have to ask yourself: Do you really want him back? Or are you just holding on to the past because it’s familiar?”

Elara blinked, surprised by the bluntness of Isla’s words. But there was truth in them. Was she clinging to Kieran because he represented a part of her past that she hadn’t fully let go of? Or was she genuinely conflicted about her feelings?

“I don’t know,” Elara admitted, her voice soft. “I don’t think I want him back. I just want him to stop trying to pull me back into his life.”

Isla nodded. “Then maybe it’s time to block him. Cut off all contact and focus on your current relationship. It sounds like your new guy is a good one, and you don’t want to ruin that because of your ex.”

Elara thought about Isla’s suggestion. Blocking Kieran felt so final, like closing the door on a chapter of her life that had shaped who she was. But maybe that was exactly what she needed—to finally move on, without Kieran’s shadow looming over her.

“You’re right,” Elara said, her voice more certain now. “I need to block him. It’s the only way I can move forward.”

Isla smiled, giving her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “Good for you. It’s tough, but you’ll feel better once you’ve made a clean break.”

After Isla left, Elara stared at her phone for a long moment. Her finger hovered over Kieran’s contact, her mind racing with conflicting emotions. But deep down, she knew what she had to do.

With a deep breath, she opened Kieran’s messages one last time, her eyes scanning over his words. Then, without hesitating any longer, she blocked his number.

As soon as she did, a sense of relief washed over her. It was like a weight had been lifted from her chest, and for the first time in weeks, she felt a sense of clarity.

But as the relief settled in, so did a new feeling—one of uncertainty. Blocking Kieran might have been the right decision, but the doubts that had been festering inside her were still there. She couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that something was missing, that maybe her relationship with A wasn’t as perfect as she had convinced herself it was.

That night, as Elara lay in bed, her mind refused to quiet. She kept replaying her conversation with Isla, wondering if she had been too quick to block Kieran. But deep down, she knew it was the right choice.

Still, the doubts about her future with A lingered. Could she really move forward with him if she wasn’t completely over her past? Or was she just fooling herself into thinking everything was fine when it wasn’t?

As she drifted off to sleep, her mind was a whirlwind of emotions—doubts, desires, and a sense of being torn between two worlds.

And in the midst of it all, one question remained: Was she truly ready to let go of the past, or was it destined to haunt her forever?

To be continued...