A Love Version Of Myself

The completion of Grade 10 marked a change in my life that did not create major upheaval but enough to make everything feel odd. I enrolled at NIST College located within the Lainchaur to study Computer as my chosen specialization. People expected an exhilarating start to a new period of life but I found it dreary and meaningless. But honestly? It felt... empty.

My days ran one after the other without distinction as I rose early to go to school followed by commuting back home to read books before resting only to start again. I held no more than sufficient acquaintances at college which prevented me from experiencing genuine school spirit within the student body. I lived inside a continuous pattern between saying nothing and distracting myself through basic conversations with unknown boys to achieve some sort of emotion.

I maintained an official romantic connection while this emptiness between us already made it non existent. Time had used flames to extinguish both enthusiasm and romantic feelings. When I returned home during that period I spent every afternoon walking by myself while thoughts occupied my mind more than the commotion of passing vehicles

That afternoon brought radical transformation into my life.

I normally passed the small teashop before finding the fruit seller who addressed me as "nani," walking the college route. My name sounded through the air as I walked down my regular path where people usually addressed me.

“Surakshya!”

Confusion settled as I turned my head to check who would recognize me in such a way. At that moment I spotted a group of teenage boys who entertained themselves with loud conversation while laughing merrily.

And then… I saw him.

He stood out instantly. The boy had quietly mentioned my name because he noticed me despite his short stature and unflashy appearance. A charming smile emerged from his brown complexion at a height that was shorter than most. The voice which addressed me belonged to him.

I didn’t say anything. My spirit ignored it but my emotions revealed otherwise because I immediately faced the other way.

During that night I stayed focused on the boy who had always been in my thoughts. Facebook suggested "Subash" when I signed up but I had never learned his full name until that moment. And there it was: Subash.

I never initiated friend requests because I kept myself away from such behavior. I never had been. But something pushed me. I sent the request because I was both curious about him but also desired his recollection of my name. My friends told me that hostel residents only receive phone access on Saturdays so I believed it would take quite some time before he responded through Facebook.

Still, I sent the request.

The acceptance came quickly after I sent him the friend request.

Then, a message popped up.

"Hi 😊"