A Deal?

Halfway through our journey, or however far we ended up coming from the interspace highway, I fell asleep. I know that now because I am definitely in a dream. I must be dreaming. I have to be dreaming.

Because if this is real, I am so dead.

The whole car is gray. The seats, the windows, the windshield, the radio screen, the floor by my feet-- even Sans and Star. It's such a disturbing sight to look at that I have kept my eyes trained on the outside, although that looks just as bad, painted in shades of gray.

Oh golly. I hope you wake up soon, Channing. I fold my hands and nervously twiddle my thumbs together, hoping that this dream will soon end. In case you didn't know, it's very uncomfortable to sit in a completely silent, colorless car when you know that the police are supposed to be chasing behind you and your two friends are supposed to have color and be talking to you. If you did know, then good for you, because you must've gotten out of that situation if you're reading this now.

I blink. What is that? One of the circular, white stars is growing in my vision, becoming larger and larger as if we're moving toward it (although I'm fairly certain that the car has stopped moving), until I can see its smooth surface from what seems like only a few feet away. Suddenly a black line splits down the middle of the star, looking like it's cracking in half, and all of a sudden the realization dawns on me.

WHAT?!

A golden triangle forms itself around the large, white star, shrinking its size down to a small, circular eye. A black bowtie seals itself below the white eye, and, squinting, I can see the outline of a little black top hat that has placed itself atop the highest point of the triangle.

No way! No way! No way at all!

"...B... Bill?" I stutter into the nothingness, mouth agape. Immediately, I unbuckle my seatbelt and press myself against the window, my own two eyes wide as saucers.

The triangle, now equipped with two sets of cartoonish, dark arms and legs to follow suit with its fanciness, seems to smile at me... which is ridiculous, because it has no mouth. "Yep! I'm finally here!"

I blink in amazement. I have only ever seen Bill in his designated television show! Not in real life! I had no idea that he had his own universe!

But of course he does. Every video game and television show has its own specified universe. But seeing a character outside of their universe is so rare!

I look to my left. There's Sans, frozen in time... That doesn't count, though.

I must be the luckiest person in the world if it's that rare to find a famous character outside of his universe.

Bill, more commonly known as Bill Cipher, casually floats through the windshield and right into the car, acting as if going through a sheet of hard glass is a normal thing. "Nice to meet ya, Thief!" He holds out his hand, inviting me to give it a shake, the normal "polite" thing to do when meeting a new person.

But I know his tricks. I know how he works!

And I also know that he just insulted me.

I get back from the window and slide down into my seat, landing with a quiet thump. I frown at him, no longer in awe. "I'm not a thief, and you know it."

He grins-- even though he has no mouth. (You can just see it in his eye! Just trust me!) "Well, according to the intergalactic police, you're on the run... on account of thievery! So I'd guess that you are a thief, huh?" He gives me a look-- the same look he gave Dipper in his specific TV show. A look that says "I'm right, huh?"

My frown deepens, and my expression sass-ens. "Anyone with a brain could figure out that I ran away because the stupid dogs were chasing me." Wow, Channing-- already you're talking to this all-powerful triangle like he's your best frenemy. What is wrong with you?!

But I like being like this. It makes me look really cool and confident. Or at least I think it does.

Bill laughs, despite not having any mouth, and looks at me. "I guess your interalactic space police are a little braindead, huh? Otherwise they would have found you by now."

I shrug. "I guess. They're not exactly... the best."

Then I remember what Bill's job was in his specific television show where he constantly annoyed two tweenagers. He's the villain! (The supervillain, technically.) And so, if he has come to visit me, that must mean that he's up to something!

I turn to him, ready to face whatever sort of evil plan he has in store. "Why are you here, actually?"

Bill sits back in the seat next to Star, placing his hands behind his head-- err, the upper part of his triangle. "Why else would I be here but to offer you an escape from this situation?"

I scoff at him. "It's not that terrible." Because it really isn't.

"Oh, really?" Bill motions to out the window. "There are all these universes out here for you to wander into, and yet you're stuck in a car with a bone-bag and a juvenile delinquent!" He laughs. "Kind of ironic, huh?"

I shake my head, squinting at him. "I know what you're up to."

"Do you? Do you already know everything about me because you watched a show about me?"

Oh. Right. He can read minds. Dang.

"Yeah, I sure can." Bill wanders over to me casually, also acting as if we're life-long friends. It seems we're both really getting into this ploy. "Man, you sure are stuck out here, arentcha, Thief? It's a shame there's no one around to rescue you!"

I keep my mouth shut. I know what you're up to, Dorito Man.

He leans against the dash, staring at the time-frozen space in front of us. "Say-- just a question-- if you could have anything you want, what would it be?"

I keep my mouht shut, still. But my mind starts to race with all the different possibilities.

Anything I want? Anything at all? How about everything I want? I'd sure like to be good friends with Sans... And I would like to not get chased by the space police all the time... And I wish Sans was a little different than he actually is... And I want to have everything that I've ever wanted... And I want to live in a place where I always get whatever I want so that I can escape my stupid shop...

Bill turns back to be, sitting (even though he doesn't have an... underside) o the gearshift, which I realize must be really uncomfortable. "Lots of things! Right?" His one white eye flashes with all of the things that I've just mentioned, and I look away, remembering how hypnotism works from watching a show with a very extensive name when I was a kid. "A whole bunch of things."

I know how he works! "What could I possibly give you?"

He puts his hands in the shape of a triangle (ironically) and grins... even though he doesn't have a mouth. "Let's just say you have a little something that I don't."

I squint so much that my eyes must look like they could be blindfolded by dental floss. My mind starts making a list of all the things that I have, and I start to wonder if Bill doesn't have any of them. A shop? A house? A criminal record? A name that starts with C? A weird capapbility of comprehension that I never show on a daily level and instead pretend to be stupid even though I notice and observe everything about everyone all of the time and keep a log of their actions in my head?

"Bingo!" He points a finger at me. "That! Your astounding comprehension! I had a different nickname for you for a while, based on your thinking skills... until I found out that you were a Thief, and I changed it!"

Right. He makes nicknames for everybody he talks to. Ugh! My mouth forms a little squiggly line. "But why would you want my... observation skills?" My voice changes to the one that I only use as a narrative one when I write. Technically speaking, it is my "real voice," because I "pretend" to have a more childish voice out loud-- when, really, my true voice is mature and sounds like its been to college and gotten a PhD in creative writing. "It would do you no good to have observation skills when you already know every fact about everyone and everything."

His eye widens at my structured sentencing. "Would it?"

I shrug my shoulders. "If you know everything, you haven't a need to obeserve everything."

"Unless..." He starts a sentence, and I mull over what he means until the realization comes to me.

"Unless you're coming into a world where everything is new to you, and you must learn everything all over again, and you want to do it quickly."

"Exactly!" His excited shout makes the galactic taxi shake, even though it's supposed to be suspended in time. "I've been observing you for a while now-- well, actually just since you ran away from your eccentrically-named shop-- and I've discovered that, my, you have some skills! How much do you already know about Sans, just from the few sentences and one-syllable words he's spoken so far?"

I shrug my shoulders again. "Do you want me to recount every event that I have logged in my head with Sans in it? Because that would take a long time."

"I've got time!'

I roll my eyes. "I've noticed that he sounds like he's speaking in lowercase letters, if those letters were to be written out. From the way he constantly smiles, and his voice fluctuation, I assume that he's not actually always happy and that his jaw is just permanently set in a smile... which sounds honestly terrible. And from the way he speaks to Star, who has met him 10 times before, he must have several secrets about him having to do with... maybe teleportation."

I finish my smarty-pants rant by taking my glasses off and wiping them with my shirt. Little shards of dust on 'em blocking my vision.

Bill smiles... with his eye. "See? Why would I not want that kind of instantaneous observation, too?”

I blink at him. “If you take my comprehension skills, then I would be dumb.”

He stares at me. “But what do you want more, Thief? Your comprehension, or everything you want, right in your hands?”

I think for a few moments. I know he’s going to use my comprehension for something I would not condone. But what for? And why is he offering me everything I’ve ever wanted?

Is what he going to do that big of a trade-off?

I look down at my hands. “Right now, y’know, things aren’t too bad. I’m doing pretty well. If things happen to get so much worse, I might consider making a deal with you. Sometime.”

He smiles at me with his eye, again, obviously knowing something that I do not about the future. “Sounds good, Thief!”

And then he disappears.

“Oh, good golly.” You know the galaxies are in danger when a powerful Dorito has come to try and take your comprehension from you in exchange for everything you’ve ever wanted.

This ain’t good.

***

[Hey! Thanks for reading all the way through, and I hope you enjoyed! Please leave feedback in the comments! I’d love to reciprocate!

[Side note: All character(s) of Gravity Falls and Undertale in this series are not mine and belong to their respective creators. No copyright infringement intended.]

Chapter 5 coming soon…