10 Red Flags of Avoidant Partner I Didn't Know Before

Last year, I learned about the avoidant attachment style after listening to videos of a relationship counselor on TikTok.

I didn't know about this attachment style before last year. I knew about narcissistic personality disorder and other disorders. However, I was not aware of this attachment style.

I realized that this attachment style was difficult to manage. These types of people don't express their feelings comfortably. They distance themselves for their autonomy and hyper-independence.

What is Avoidant Attachment:

Avoidant attachment is a style relating to others that involves fear of getting emotionally close and a desire for independence. Avoidant people have difficulty trusting others and forming close relationships.

Mary Ainsworth and Barbara Witting developed this attachment in 1970.

Causes:

Avoidant attachment develops in children when a caregiver or parent consistently neglects emotionally. Infants with an avoidant attachment style faced discouragement for crying and expressing emotions.

The parent of an avoidant child feels:

1. Lack of knowledge on how to support their child
2. Lack of empathy
3. Overwhelmed by parenting responsibilities
4. No sense of commitment

These children learn to soothe themselves and rely on themselves. They don't care about trusting others in terms of support for difficult times.

10 Red Flags of Avoidant Attachment:

Avoidant people cannot form healthy relationships. They avoid remaining close to people for romantic relationships. They fear remaining close to partners and are inconsistent in meeting plans or commitments.

Healthy relationships require balance in closeness and autonomy.

Here are the 10 most common red flags of avoidant partners that are important to know:

1. Lack of commitment

Avoidant partners don't feel comfortable committing to long-term plans or future planning of the relationship. When you make a plan to meet, they refuse by making excuses. They have a history of ending relationships themselves and leaving their partners themselves for fear of abandonment.

2. No investment in the Present

Avoidant partners fantasize about their past relationships. They don't give importance to present relationships. They fantasize about past lover relationships unfinished and feel unresolved feelings. This makes them less emotionally invested with their partner or lover.

3. Childish behavior

They ruin the relationship when things are going well by behaving childishly or becoming angry quickly. When you try to be close to them, the more you feel the need to be closer, the more they pull away, express a wish to see other people, or become less communicative.

4. False belief

Avoidant partners believe they rely on themselves. In a crisis, they build walls and want to handle things themselves. They don't discuss their crisis or seek help from others.

Their Rigid belief:

I'm all I have.

5. Suspiciousness

Avoidant partners find it difficult to trust their lovers or partners. They view your actions in the worst possible light, suspecting that you restrict their freedom and independence.

6. Mixed emotional signals

Avoidant partners confuse their lovers or partners by keeping their distance and sending you mixed emotional signals. One minute draws you with closeness and the next pulls you away with cold behavior. They might have feelings for you but don't remain consistent with their commitments.

7. Keep Secrets

Avoidant partners prefer to make decisions alone. They decide about financial, decisions, and even traveling plans but don't discuss them with their partners.

8. Belief in Rigid Rules

Avoidant partners have rigid rules and find it difficult to be flexible. They give priority to their job, freedom, then other relationships. They put walls at the start of the relationship, saying that I cannot marry because I'm not that type. Or they say I cannot give up my freedom.

9. Distance

They stonewall themselves in relationship difficult issues. Or they give you silent treatment when they feel your intense feelings. Closeness frightens them, and they fear being close to a lover or partner.

10. Limited communication

Avoidant partners have limited communication. They don't text a lot or call to share everyday things with you. They find it difficult to appreciate their lover or express their feelings to them.

At the beginning of interaction with an avoidant partner, you can't feel all those signs because they are very good at hiding themselves. But over time, you start to see the signs and feel them closely.

But you can't change people. Especially in narcissists and avoidant people its so difficult to make them believe that they need the help of a psychologist.

They consider this as a taboo. So, if you feel lonely, unimportant, and emptiness in a relationship. Then it is better to leave it before it completely disturbs your emotional and mental health.

But if your avoidant partner agrees to help, then you must talk to a psychologist for the betterment of the relationship.

Thanks for reading.

What are your thoughts on avoidant partner attachment?