Your Emotions is not the Enemy This Book Helped Me Understand Why

People are now accustomed to a fast-paced, emotionally demanding world, we’re constantly encouraged to “be self-aware” and “understand our feelings”—but how do we actually do that? Emotions and the Enneagram by Margaret Frings Keyes offers a powerful and compassionate answer. This book doesn't just explain the Enneagram as a personality system; it uses it as a deep, emotional roadmap toward healing, growth, and greater empathy—for ourselves and for others.

As someone who is currently reading this book, I can honestly say it has changed how I view emotions, not just as fleeting feelings but as messages that point us toward truth. Keyes’ writing is warm and intelligent, making even the most vulnerable emotional insights feel safe to explore. Instead of simply categorizing personality types into neat boxes, she invites us to go deeper—into the emotional motivations behind each type, and how those patterns can either lead us toward freedom or keep us stuck in cycles of fear, guilt, or shame.

What makes this book especially unique is its dual focus: emotional awareness and spiritual growth. Many books on the Enneagram are either too technical or too vague. Keyes manages to strike the perfect balance. She introduces each of the nine Enneagram types not only through their behaviors but through their dominant emotional struggles—anger, pride, fear, envy, and so on—and explains how these feelings develop, why they matter, and how they can be transformed into healthier, life-giving responses.

For example, she describes how Type One, the Reformer, often struggles with suppressed anger due to an inner drive for perfection. Rather than shaming this anger, she helps the reader understand where it comes from, how it manifests, and most importantly, how to move through it with self-compassion and grace. Each type is explored in this way, with deep emotional insight that goes far beyond surface-level traits.

What struck me the most while reading is how universally relatable the emotional experiences are, regardless of your type. Even if you don’t fully resonate with just one Enneagram number, the book helps you recognize parts of yourself in many of them—because we are all emotional beings shaped by unique stories and patterns. This creates a kind of emotional literacy that is not just informative but healing.

Another thing I appreciated is the spiritual dimension woven throughout the book. Without being overly religious, Keyes gently integrates spiritual wisdom that encourages reflection, humility, and trust in something greater than ourselves. Her goal isn’t to “fix” people—it’s to offer a path toward wholeness. The Enneagram becomes less about defining who you are and more about uncovering who you were always meant to be beneath the emotional clutter and defense mechanisms.

For those who are new to the Enneagram, the book is accessible and easy to follow. It doesn’t overwhelm with jargon or complex diagrams. Instead, it guides the reader step by step, using real-life examples and reflective questions to deepen understanding. And for those who are already familiar with the system, Emotions and the Enneagram offers a refreshing and emotionally honest take that breathes new life into what might otherwise feel like an overused personality tool.

Overall, Margaret Frings Keyes offers more than just another Enneagram book—she offers a mirror, a map, and a gentle hand to help you walk the emotional terrain of your own soul. Her approach is humble yet wise, structured yet deeply personal. I’ve found myself pausing often while reading, not because the content is dense, but because it resonates so deeply that it demands reflection.

If you’re someone who is ready to move beyond personality tests and into true emotional growth, this book is for you. It reminds us that understanding our feelings isn’t a weakness—it’s the beginning of real strength.