“When the World Turned Its Back, I Found Myself”

2024, a year that defies simple description. It has been a whirlwind of mixed emotions, a tapestry woven with challenges, backbiting, disappointments, grief, and setbacks. Yet, amidst it all, it has been nothing short of incredible. I embarked on this journey with a heart full of hope, clinging to the belief that better days awaited me. I held onto the conviction that the storms of life, the challenges, the heartbreaks, the looming threats would eventually subside. But life, as it often does, had other plans. Through the chaos, wisdom slowly emerged. Experience became my teacher as I watched parts of my life unravel before my eyes. There were moments when I felt powerless, staring blankly as everything I had worked for seemed to crumble. It was as if life was testing my resolve, my strength, and my very essence. Yet, even in those moments of despair, the journey taught me something profound: resilience is born not in perfection but in the willingness to stand amidst the ruins and believe in the possibility of rebuilding. The year 2024 has not broken me; it has shaped me. And as I reflect on its trials, I am reminded that every scar tells a story of survival, and every setback is a stepping stone to something greater. It did have its ways on me, throwing punches so hard that you’re left grappling with the very essence of your existence. For me, the thug life experiences have been relentless, hitting me so hard that I’ve had no choice but to forcefully understand every situation, problem, worry, and challenge life hurls my way. Whether or not I liked it, I had to face reality head-on, often without hesitation. Over time, I’ve come to a sobering realisation: you are truly on your own. It doesn’t matter how many friends you have, how wealthy your family is, how well connected you are or if you’re an orphan with no identity or sense of self-reflection. In the end, the fight is yours alone. Understanding this harsh truth has required me to lower my esteem, dignity, pride, and even my reputation and yet, even with those sacrifices, rejection often looms large. Here’s the bitter pill: you can’t count on people to care about your problems. No matter how dire your situation feels, people will always prioritise their struggles and interests. The reality of this can hit like a tidal wave, most especially when it is in that time of dire need, leaving your heart racing with the fear of failure and frustration that comes from making mistakes. Uncertainty became a constant companion, triggering reactions that were as confusing as they were revealing. When I muster the courage to press on, to permit myself not to be perfect, life often throws another curveball, unforeseen circumstances beyond one’s control. Sometimes, these challenges are echoes of past traumas; other times, they are fresh obstacles that seem to come out of nowhere. They leave you stranded in a sea of emotional insecurities, stuck in the present with no clear way forward. By then, Hope feels like a distant mirage, and you wonder: how do you move forward when there’s no sign of rescue on the horizon? Still, I believe that living itself is a gift; once I refused to squander, I began to make real progress. The tiny decisions we make, thinking they might lead to revelations, often veer off course, taking us down unexpected paths. I’ve learned that not every battle is meant to be won. Sometimes, surrender is the most truthful and compassionate choice. I’ve also come to realise that clarity often emerges in moments of chaos. When life agitates you, exposing truths you’d rather ignore, it’s not meant to throw you off balance. It’s a call to awareness, a chance to remain centred in the storm. Choosing your battles wisely becomes an act of survival. I remember a therapist once told me something that cut me to the core: “If you self-isolate when overwhelmed, it’s likely because you had to solve a lot of your problems alone as a child.” And at some moment, I thought self-isolation would be a remedy for worries. That truth was hard to swallow, but it explained so much about my patterns and my instincts. The journey hasn’t been easy, no one said it was gonna be, but I’ve learned to see it for what it is, a testament to resilience. Life demands that we adapt, endure, and sometimes surrender, all while holding onto the belief that the act of living, with all its messiness, is worth it. The society may not always care about our struggles, but we can choose to care about how we face them. And in those quiet moments of choice, we reclaim our power. I walked this journey alone, carrying the weight of my battles without anyone to lean on. There came a time when even those closest to me grew weary of granting favours, leaving me to feel as though I had exhausted my lifetime allotment of grace from both God and humanity. How do you survive when you’ve been painted as lazy, unmotivated, and unwilling to forge your path? Who would ever imagine the silent storms raging within the soul of this young man? Yet I’ve come to see how a single candle can both defy and define the darkness, especially when it comes from so-called friends and claimed loved ones. I couldn’t build my hopes on a foundation of confusion, misery, and setbacks orchestrated by them, nor could I expect cruelty to transform into peace and tranquillity. Yet, even amid the chaos, I’ve discovered a truth: there is always some beauty left. Whether in nature, the warmth of sunshine, the freedom within, or a quiet resolve, beauty still exists. Hope whispers to me that while riches may be lost, the happiness within my heart can only be hidden, not destroyed. It will rise again as long as I have life. I must hold steadfast to my ideals, knowing that the time may come when I can fully realise them. As long as I can look fearlessly to the heavens and remain pure in heart, happiness will find me. I know I am a man of virtue, of inner strength, and of unyielding courage. Nature, in all its wonder, reminds me that solace can be found even in the hardest of times. I choose not to dwell on the misery but to embrace the beauty that remains.