Understanding the Extramarital Relations of Odysseus

When Homer wrote his epic adventure, The Odyssey, he was writing for an audience of his contemporaries, not for those readers who would come along two thousand years later. Though the story of Odysseus’ return from Troy has certainly been an enduring tale, it isn't easy to know how it would have been perceived during Homer’s time.

To the modern reader, it might be difficult to reconcile certain aspects of the story, such as the fact that Odysseus claims allegiance to his wife, Penelope, while frequently engaging in sexual relations with others. The extramarital relations of Odysseus are best understood as a means to an end, rather than a statement of his fidelity to Penelope.

In a broader context, it is unwarranted to assume that views on sexuality, or sexual identity, are the same in Homer’s time as in the 21st Century. History indicates that they were not. As such, one must be careful about assuming a direct correlation between how they view Odysseus’ sexual morality and how Homer’s audience would have viewed it. Even in ancient times, faithfulness and loyalty were considered virtues, though there may have been differences in how those virtues were expected to look.

When Odysseus is living with the nymph, Calypso, he is “languishing on that island, detained against his will.” There is no obvious lack of virtue in such a situation.

There is, of course, more to Odysseus’ captivity than simply being detained. He is not being kept in a cage, living on bread and water. As Calypso reminds the messenger god, Hermes, it was she who had “saved his life, unprying him from the spar he came floating here on.” In other words, Odysseus did not come to pursue her. He was shipwrecked and Calypso rescued him.

She was loathe, however, to let him go, once he had been plucked from the sea. None of this reflects one way or another on Odysseus’ loyalty to Penelope. Odysseus is subject to the whims of the gods and Calypso is one of them.

When living at the mercy of a goddess, presumably one will do as they are asked. This would be true if trying to avoid their wrath and doubly so if there is ever hope of returning home. Odysseus spends seven years cohabitating with Calypso, in every sense of the word. That is longer than many modern marriages last, but that was not by Odysseus’ design.

In a physical sense, it was probably a pleasurable arrangement for Odysseus. As he states, “mortal beauty cannot compare with immortal.” His time is spent feasting and making love to a goddess, but there is little else for him to do. Doing otherwise would be unlikely to ever result in his going home.

Pleasurable as it might be, his heart is not in it. Even Calypso recognizes this, declaring that, “you spend all your daylight hours yearning for her [Penelope].” Even the goddess sees that Odysseus is faithful to his wife, no matter what efforts she exerts to change his mind. Once given the opportunity to leave Calypso, Odysseus does so without a second thought.

Once free of Calypso, yet more misfortune brings Odysseus to the land of the Phaeacians. Here he encounters the beautiful, but mortal, princess Nausicaa. Odysseus is in a precarious position, requiring the help and mercy of others. To get what he wants, passage back to Ithaca and Penelope, he must ingratiate himself with the princess. He does so with a bit of flirtatious flattery, asking Nausicaa, “Are you a goddess or mortal?”

After regaling her with more flattery, Odysseus wins over the princess’s affections. By the time Odysseus has bathed, ate, and drank, “Nausicaa had other things on her mind.” Nausicaa is no wanton goddess bent on satisfying her passions, but she has fallen for the charms of Odysseus. How Odysseus responds to this should is an indicator of his faithfulness to Penelope.

What Odysseus wants from Nausicaa is to be taken to the palace of her father, the king. This she does and he is warmly received by the king, Alcinous, and his wife, Arete. Odysseus exercises his charisma to win over the king, the queen, and their court of nobles.

It soon comes to pass that Nausicaa is no the only one with thoughts of marriage. Before ever knowing the identity of his guest, King Alcinous is ready to offer his daughter to Odysseus. The king says quite forthrightly that, “I would wish…that you…would marry my daughter.”

Had Odysseus wished to remain with the Phaeacians and marry the beautiful young Nausicaa, there was nothing but his own character preventing him from doing so. As always, though, his mind was set on returning to Penelope.

During a feast with the Phaeacians, as he recounts the tale of his long journey, Odysseus reveals yet another instance where he finds himself sexually involved with an immortal. On the Island of Aeaea, Odysseus and his men encountered “Circe, a dread goddess.”

Once again, Odysseus finds himself at the whims of an immortal, and Circe’s indulging of her desires involves the bedding of the heroic Odysseus, just as it had with Calypso. In this case, though, he knew ahead of time that this would happen. In fact, the god Hermes instructed him to sleep with Circe. He tells Odysseus that she will, “invite you to bed. Don’t turn her down.”

If Odysseus and his men are to go free, it will require him to submit himself to this goddess. Freedom for Odysseus still means returning to his wife in Ithaca.

Throughout Odysseus’ ten-year journey from Troy to Ithaca all he ever wants is to be back home with his wife. Seven years with Calypso and one year with Circe are not so much illicit dalliances as they are a means to an end. Calypso and Circe are both goddesses. To refuse either of them would have brought a premature end to Odysseus' return home. Without submitting to these immortals, he will not see Penelope.

Ironically, it is fidelity to Penelope that drives him into relationships with the goddesses. They are his way home. When Odysseus had the opportunity to take Nausicaa as his own, he did not, because he was under no such compulsion. He does not willingly forsake his wife.

Adultery is a concept that Homer’s audience understood. At one point in the tale, he states that “Ares has to pay the fine for adultery.” Clearly, it is not socially acceptable in the world of Odysseus, or in the world of Homer.

Despite the sexual entanglements that circumstances dictated for Odysseus, they are not cases of adultery in any true regard. Odysseus returns to Penelope, after all his trials and tribulations, with his virtue intact.