Open When… By Julie Smith

Summary

 Open When… is being positioned as a kind of self-help book that will be needed when emotions become particularly challenging. The organisation of each chapter is such that readers are assisted to wade through different forms of psychological disorders including social phobia, low self-esteem, grief and more especially, repercussions of poor decisions made. The book is split into three main sections: There is 

1. Autophobia - the fear or avoidance of being around other people, 

2. Mastophobia or monophobia - the fear or avoidance of being alone with yourself.

3. Demophobia - the fear or avoidance of emotions.

 Thus, the main conflict is concerned with interpersonal relationships and personal conflicts as people find ways of dealing with painful feelings, they have about themselves. These are the personal battles that Julie Smith, a clinical psychologist, helps shed light on and learn how to deal with and get past. The main question posed by the book is: How can one improve the ability to manage the most precarious and charged moments and not lose ourselves in the process?

Key Themes of the Book

Self-Worth and Acceptance: The book emphasizes the importance of recognizing one's value, regardless of external validation or comparison to others.

Coping with Grief and Regret: It explores ways to handle deep emotional pain, focusing on moving forward rather than dwelling on the past.

Managing Social Anxiety: Smith provides actionable advice for people struggling with feelings of not belonging and social discomfort.

The Power of Saying No: The ability to set boundaries is crucial, and the book teaches readers to assert themselves without guilt.

Experience

 In reading through Open When…, I felt that I was compelled to analyse my emotional reactions very carefully. In turn, the way the author delivered the advice was comforting as if they were a friend trying to check in on one. Sometimes it seemed that the book was written as a conversation with me, and there were patches, when I realized, I was the same as depicted there. It was not just to get informed but to get transformational, with practical, real-time tools that assisted me to step back during conflict-provoking circumstances.

 What was of particular interest to me was one of the chapters entitled 'When you feel unwelcome and want to fit in', of course, everyone wants to belong. I could also identify with the desperation of trying to conform and what Smith meant by changing view from trying to gain acceptance to giving it was enlightening. By the time I finished reading it, I felt able to confront self-scrutiny and social awkwardness because it is unpreventable and has detailed preventable solutions.

 From reading, I found the meaning of self-care and understood that it's not good to depend on someone else to make yourself feel better or feel needed. This book helped me refresh my understanding that healing is not a straight path and that being vulnerable is powerful.

Strengths and Weaknesses

Strengths

 The greatest advantage of the book is its applicability. All the chapters contain practical suggestions and resources that assist the reader in dealing with emotions point-blank. For instance, Smith overcomes the problem of comparison with others and discusses how social networks deepen these emotions. She does not only say, 'Do not compare yourself,'; she gives guidance on how you can channel that energy constructively into comparison. The chapters also are rather brief and contain a lot of knowledge; thus, reading the advice and implementing it into one's own life is not very hard.

Weaknesses

 Despite having several useful tips, the readers may feel that the tone of the book is rather mild. Some people may find the attitude unobtrusive and may miss an element of cheesy kick-ass self-help books. Moreover, the emphasis on internal reflection may not work for everyone; those who seek external practical solutions feel that some of the recommendations do not provide clear practical directions they like.

Final Thoughts

 Open When… helps overcome the storms of negative feelings with an emotional support guide. The strategies recommended by Julie Smith are calm and empowering and provide clear instructions that are simple to follow and very efficient. It will help those who have social anxiety, self-worth troubles, or anyone who sometimes does not know what to do in certain situations.

 It is more like reading a story in a book simply we can open the book and read as many chapters as we want at any time we want as the emergencies keep arising in our lives. Overall, any person who wants to find a way through and out of their storm - whether it's grief, self-doubt or the art of handling boundary-less relationships and navigating through them - will find consolation in this book.

 Next, I suggest reflecting on one of the exercises in the book - perhaps setting aside some time to write a letter to yourself, outlining what you need in a moment of crisis. This exercise could help you discover what emotional tools you already have at your disposal and provide new insights on how to strengthen your emotional resilience.

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My Recommendations

If you loved Open When…, you may also enjoy:

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown - This book is about embracing vulnerability and living a wholehearted life.

Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach - An insightful guide on accepting oneself fully, flaws and all.

Daring Greatly by Brené Brown - A deep dive into the power of vulnerability.

The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer - Explores the importance of asking for help and being open with others.

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