#4th & Goal

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is a brief book of Toltec wisdom with four short sentences at its core. This article concerns Agreement #4, which is coincidently four words:

Always do your best

This simple statement, and the description of its practice, came to mind last week as I made a 5-hour trip in a brief 8 hours. Please allow me to explain.

On the way home from the place Ann Arbor, MI residents call 'Up North' and residents call 'Northport, MI', I levered into drive and set out on the 270 mile journey. In a snowstorm. On black-iced highways. With whiteouts. On mostly single-lane highways with irregularly placed passing lanes. I was alone, I'd woken from a nightmare about 3 hours earlier and the adrenaline that had jolted me bolt upright in bed was gradually wearing off.

The saving grace for the other travelers, I assumed, was that no one in their right mind would be out there. The sad fact for me is that there were many exceptions to my faulty assumptions. And likely all of those people were more comfortable driving blindly through snow on roads that were probably ingrained in their muscle memory.

I drove as close to the speed limit as I dared, with the radio and audiobook silenced so that I could concentrate with no distractions, as one does in tense moments. I tried to avoid looking in the rearview mirror (I wasn't, best case, heading that way after all) so that the line of people no doubt muttering 'Hurry UP already!' wouldn't increase my nerves.

Cresting the rise of a twisty slippery road I found myself almost hood to hood with a car facing me. Just over the line of my lane. On my side of the road. This was not good for anyone. Most especially not good for the man standing beside the driver's door talking on the phone and gesticulating at the car that must have just slid off the road judging by the tracks that he had left and that I was driving over.

Note: I did not stop. I have no way to pull someone on to a road. He was not hurt. There was cell reception available. Adding my white car to the side of the road during a whiteout would not be useful. I drove on.

And that was my turning point.

The Fourth Agreement in Practice

Ruiz describes those four simply words (Always do your best) as the one that "allows the other three to become deeply ingrained habits. The fourth agreement is about the action of the first three: Always do your best.”

For a people-please codependent oldest daughter, that is a land mine waiting to blow up my life at the slightest glance or thought of implementation! Fortunately, Ruiz went on with his explanation:

“Under any circumstance, always do your best, no more and no less. But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next. Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times it will not be as good.”

You see, as I was driving in that snowstorm, along those unfamiliar roads, I was NOT doing the best driving I've ever done... but I WAS doing the best driving I could do in the moment.

I pulled over whenever there was a passing lane, waiting for anyone and everyone to pass me. There was no reason to stubbornly block anyone; I wasn't going to get a medal for 'Best Driving Unsafely and Blocking Traffic 2024', now, was I? No.

I also resisted the intense desire to drive faster so as not to upset the people behind me. Because, in my mind, I peopled those cars with angry drivers that somehow were all much much better winter drivers than I and judging my every move. (I highly doubt they could have made out my license plate- that's how think the snow was at times.)

The reality is that I am a good and safe driver and I am aware of how my actions impact those around me. I do my best. How that manifests is dependent on the current conditions. As Ruiz stated, "your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times it will not be as good."

My best driving, on which I was keenly focused on delivering, was not of the same high quality it would have been had I driven on snowy roads in my own neighborhood, or on those same roads in sunny and dry weather.

If I could add another four words to the Fourth Agreement it would look like this: Always Do Your Best and Give Yourself Grace.

Because the Fourth Agreement isn't to be better than everyone or anyone else. It is to operate at the highest level of which you are capable. When you participate fully, overcome your own stumbling blocks and fear, reach as high as you can and then check to see if you can reach higher- then there is no room for regrets or recriminations. You have done your best and no more could possibly be expected of you.

All Four Agreements

• The First Agreement: Be Impeccable With Your Word
• The Second Agreement: Don't Take Anything Personally
• The Third Agreement: Don't Make Assumptions
• The Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best

I think there's a good reason for Always Do Your Best to come last. The first three agreements may take a lifetime to practice well, and looking at them as a 'pass/fail' exercise could be defeating. Knowing your best and upholding your actions to that measure is necessary to implement the prior three Agreements. (In my example, the thoughts I had of the others behind me clearly didn't live up to the Second and Third Agreements: I made assumptions about the other drivers and their supposed thoughts about me.)

Implementing the Four Agreements could be a lifelong practice. Is it one that you will implement?

Here are the previous pieces of this series:

I encourage you to read the book for yourself; it's available at libraries and your local bookstore. Should you want to buy it online I invite you to use my affiliate link for Bookshop.org below instead of sending your money down the @m@z0n river. Bookshop donates proceeds of each sale to independent bookstores, and I may end up earning a coin or two eventually, too.

There are several workbooks, lessons, and even cards should you want to continue further along the journey of Four Agreements and Toltec wisdom.

Please do leave me a comment; which of these Four Agreements really spoke to you? Is there one that might be more of a challenge than others? Could you suggest other reading for those interested?