Why Do We Still Hate Fat Women? (And Not Fat Men?)

Every day on social media, we see it: a plus-size woman posts a photo in a swimsuit, a video dancing in her living room, or just a selfie where she dares to look happy. The response? Disgusting. Comment sections quickly fill with hate: "promoting obesity," "think of your health," or just outright cruelty dressed up as "concern."

It happens every single time—and almost exclusively to women.

But here’s the truth no one likes to admit: these comments aren’t really about her. They’re about the person commenting. The one who feels something stir in them when they see a fat woman being confident, visible, and unbothered. Fatphobia online isn’t about health. It’s about control, shame, and deeply rooted insecurity.

Let’s talk about it.

Fat Women Are Held to Different Standards Online

It’s not a coincidence that most fatphobic comments are aimed at women. While larger-bodied men are often praised for their "dad bods"—a phrase that has become almost affectionate—women are vilified for showing even a hint of weight gain. And let’s not forget: dads didn’t even carry the baby.

Women are expected to bounce back after childbirth, tone up, slim down, and keep looking “good” for public consumption. There’s no mainstream admiration for "mom bods." No clever hashtag to celebrate the stretched skin, the soft belly, the evidence of life lived. Instead, there’s shame. There’s judgment. There are endless unsolicited opinions.

The disparity is telling. A man gains weight and he's “relatable.” A woman does the same, and she's seen as letting herself go.

It’s Not About Health. It’s About Control.

We need to stop pretending that fatphobic comments are ever about health. If people were genuinely concerned about wellbeing, their approach wouldn’t involve public shaming, bullying, or mocking someone’s appearance.

Let’s call it what it is: control. Fatphobia is a socially accepted form of misogyny. It’s a way to remind women of their “place.” If a fat woman dares to be happy, confident, and visible, it challenges the belief that she should be ashamed. And that threatens people who base their own worth on appearance.

When you’ve been taught that thinness equals value, someone existing outside of that and still thriving feels deeply unsettling.

We’ve Learned to Tie Worth to Appearance—Especially for Women

Our culture doesn’t just prize appearance—it worships it. And for women, body size often determines how people perceive our intelligence, work ethic, and even kindness. A thin woman is seen as disciplined and admirable. A fat woman? Lazy. Unhealthy. Unlovable.

It’s no wonder so many women internalize these messages.

I grew up with a mother who was a personal trainer. She was a size 8, fit, and even competed in bodybuilding competitions. You’d think that meant she was confident, proud of her strength. But she wasn’t. Her insecurities filled our house like fog. She was constantly unhappy with how she looked—and she turned that critical gaze on everyone around her, including me.

She couldn't enjoy her own body, so she tore others down to match her pain. It wasn’t malicious; it was generational. Learned. Passed down like an heirloom.

Social Media Has Made Cruelty Normal

It’s easy to say things online that you'd never say to someone’s face. Anonymity gives people permission to be cruel without consequence—and that cruelty is rewarded with likes, agreement, and a false sense of superiority.

People act like being mean to fat women is some kind of public service, like they’re doing it to “help” or “educate.” But let’s be honest: nobody ever changed their life because of a stranger saying, “you’re disgusting” under their TikTok. It’s just bullying with a health halo.

We've normalized tearing strangers down, particularly women, for simply existing in a body that doesn’t conform to narrow, unrealistic standards. And worse, we pretend it's noble.

Fatphobia Says More About the Commenter Than the Target

Let’s flip the script for a second. If someone sees a plus-size woman being confident, wearing something they wouldn’t dare wear, and their first instinct is to lash out—what does that really say?

It says they're uncomfortable. Not with her body, but with the freedom she represents. With the fact that she’s doing something they’ve denied themselves permission to do. That she’s unbothered in a way they’ve never learned to be.

People who are secure in themselves don’t need to police others. They don’t need to mock someone else’s appearance to feel good about their own.

Fatphobia isn’t rooted in concern. It’s rooted in shame. And it’s almost always misplaced.

Let’s Talk About Healing

Here’s the part I’ve only recently learned to say: I’m not angry anymore. I’m sad for those people. The ones who spend their days scrolling and spewing hate. I know what it’s like to live in a house full of mirrors and never feel like you measure up. I watched it play out in my mother, and I lived with those echoes for years.

But I’ve also done the work. I went back to university. I got my degree. And now I work with traumatised children who need support, not shame. That healing didn’t happen overnight, but it did happen. And it showed me what really matters.

Bodies change. Looks fade. The only thing that sticks is how you make people feel—and how you feel about yourself when no one else is watching.

If You See It, Call It Out

You don’t need to be fat to speak out against fatphobia. If you see someone mocking a plus-size woman online, say something. Report it. Unfollow accounts that profit from body shaming or diet culture. The more we challenge it, the less power it has.

It costs nothing to mind your own business. But it means everything to someone who's just trying to exist in peace.

Final Thoughts: Fat Women Deserve to Exist Without Justifying Themselves

We live in a world that punishes women for aging, for gaining weight, for having children, for not having children, for breathing too loudly. Fatphobia is just another stick to beat us with—and it’s one that too many people still think is acceptable.

Let’s be clear: fat women don’t owe anyone thinness. They don’t owe anyone “health.” They don’t need to earn your respect with weight loss, transformation photos, or diet plans.

Their bodies are not problems to solve. And if seeing someone else happy in their skin makes you uncomfortable, that’s not a “them” issue—it’s yours.