What Love Is

What Love Is

Love isn’t what I thought it was when I was younger.

I used to believe love was just butterflies, sleepless nights, or that electric feeling you get when someone texts you back. I mistook love for the thrill of a new connection or the ache of missing someone. But as I’ve grown, stumbled, and healed, I’ve come to see that love is far more complicated—and far more beautiful.

Love Is a Shape, Not Just a Feeling

Some people say love is a feeling. But what I’ve learned is that it’s more like a triangle—a combination of three pieces that fit together in different ways.

There’s intimacy, which is emotional closeness. That feeling when you can talk to someone about your day, your dreams, or your deepest fears without feeling judged. There’s passion, that spark of physical and emotional desire that makes you feel seen, wanted, alive. And then there’s commitment—a quiet, steady decision to stay, even when things get hard.

When these three come together, that’s what people call “complete” love. But most relationships don’t have all three at once. And that’s okay. Love can show up in different ways, at different stages of our lives.

Love Is Not One-Size-Fits-All

I used to compare my relationships to those in movies or online. Everyone seemed so perfect—cute texts, dreamy dates, magical proposals. But what we see is often just the highlight reel. Real love, the kind that lasts, isn’t always glamorous.

Sometimes love is showing up after a long day when you’re tired but they need you. Sometimes it’s choosing to be patient during a fight, or listening when you’d rather speak. It can be messy and raw, yet still deeply real.

And here’s something I wish I knew sooner: not all love is romantic.

Friendship love, family love, the love you feel when you’re safe and understood—that matters just as much. Maybe even more.

Love in a Swipe-Right World

In today’s world, it feels like love is just another option to scroll through.

We have dating apps, AI-generated messages, and social media that tells us what “perfect love” looks like. But here’s the truth—technology can’t feel for us. It can connect us, but it can’t create intimacy.

Too often, people get caught up chasing passion—mistaking lust for love, or jumping from one “vibe” to the next without ever really landing. I’ve done that too. It’s easy to get addicted to the spark and ignore the substance.

But what lasts isn't built overnight. It’s built in quiet moments, honest conversations, shared values, and tiny acts of care.

Love Is Letting Go of Possessiveness

One of the most freeing lessons I’ve learned is that love isn’t about owning someone. It’s about choosing them—every day—while letting them be fully themselves.

I used to cling so tightly, thinking that if someone didn’t need me constantly, maybe they didn’t love me enough. But love isn’t chains. It’s space. It’s freedom. It’s knowing that someone is there, even when they’re not right beside you.

It’s not losing yourself in someone else. It’s growing alongside them.

Love Changes—And That’s Okay

Love evolves. What starts as late-night calls and butterflies can transform into morning coffees, silence shared in peace, and support during life’s hardest days.

In some cultures, love was once all about duty—staying because that’s what families or traditions demanded. In others, love is about freedom and personal happiness. I think both can be true, in different ways.

Today, people are rewriting the rules. Some don’t want marriage. Others thrive in long-distance love. Some prioritize career, healing, or friendship before committing romantically. And all of it is valid.

Love isn’t about ticking boxes. It’s about finding what makes your heart feel at home.

What Love Isn’t

It isn’t just desire.

It isn’t someone texting you cute things but not showing up when it matters.

It isn’t scrolling through messages at 2 a.m., hoping someone finally says the right thing to fill the void.

And it definitely isn’t about sacrificing who you are just to keep someone from leaving.

Love Is Worth It—But It Takes Work

Trust, honesty, and communication—these aren’t just clichés. They’re the roots of real love. Without them, it’s just a house built on sand.

Whether it’s a friend, a partner, or even yourself—love takes tending. And yes, sometimes it still hurts. But it teaches, stretches, and slowly shows you the parts of yourself you didn’t know needed healing.

We live in a world of fast connections, but real love? That still takes time.

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So what is love, really?

Maybe it’s not something we find once and for all—but something we build, piece by piece. Maybe it’s not about perfect matches, but imperfect people who are willing to try.

Maybe love is simply this: choosing connection over comfort, growth over safety, and truth over fantasy.

What kind of love are you building?