The Temperature of Love

I met him in a cold winter, when I had just broken up with my ex-boyfriend. My heart was empty, as if a piece of it had been blown away by the wind. He was my colleague, a gentle and attentive man, who always appeared when I needed him, gave me a cup of hot tea, a word of comfort, and a warm smile. I don’t know when he started to like me, maybe it was after that company dinner, when he volunteered to take me home, seeing me shivering from the cold, he put his coat on me, and then held my hand tightly, saying: “Don’t be afraid, I’m here.” Maybe it was on the way to a business trip, when he accompanied me on a train for more than ten hours, telling me stories and making me happy along the way, making me forget the fatigue of the journey. Maybe it was on the night of my birthday, when he bought me a bouquet of roses, a cake, and a heart-shaped necklace, and then gently kissed my forehead, saying: “Happy birthday, I love you.” No matter when and why, I was very grateful for his love. He made me believe in the existence of love again, and made me feel the temperature of love. He was not like my ex-boyfriend who was fickle, selfish, and hypocritical. He was sincere, faithful, and considerate to me. He would not quarrel with me, give me the cold shoulder, or break up with me over trivial things. He would tease me, make me laugh, and hug me over trivial things. He would not make me feel lonely, helpless, or desperate. He would make me feel happy, secure, and hopeful. We have been together for three years now. In these three years we have experienced many things, sweet moments and difficult challenges. We supported each other, encouraged each other, and grew together. We didn’t have much material conditions, but we had a rich spiritual life. We liked to watch movies, listen to music, go shopping, and travel together. We liked to cook together... We liked to clean together, read books, chat, and make love. Our love didn’t have any earth-shattering romantic stories, or any passionate scenes. Our love was like a cup of warm water, without any color or taste, but it could warm our hearts and bodies. We didn’t need any vows or promises, we just needed to wake up every morning and see each other’s faces. But one day, everything changed. He had an accident on his way to work, and was sent to the hospital. I rushed to his side, only to see him lying on the bed, covered with bandages and tubes. The doctor told me that he had suffered severe injuries, and might not survive. I couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t accept it. He was my everything, how could he leave me so suddenly? I stayed by his side, holding his hand, praying for a miracle. I talked to him, hoping that he could hear me. I told him how much I loved him, how much I needed him, how much I wanted him to stay with me. I begged him not to give up, not to let go, not to leave me alone. But he didn’t respond. He didn’t open his eyes. He didn’t squeeze my hand. He didn’t say a word. He was gone. I felt like my world had collapsed. I felt like I had lost my soul. I felt like I had nothing left. I cried until I had no tears left. I screamed until I had no voice left. I collapsed until I had no strength left. I didn’t know how to live without him. I didn’t know how to face the future without him. I didn’t know how to feel the temperature of love without him.