The Day everything changed

Hi my name is August Sonson , this tattoo on my waist means a lot to me , I got this tattoo 2 years ago in October of 2018 it says “Never forget Oct 2018”. 2 years ago in October I went through some troubling times , my grandfather was having an intense battle with cancer and I would pop in and go see him from time to time , if feed him , cut his hair , watch television with him and just talk , i kept doing that for almost a year until 1 day my sister woke me up at 7am out of my sleep to tell me that my grandfather passed away During the night I broke down , it hit me way harder than I thought it would have I was just stuck in a state of disbelief & even to this day I still haven’t come to terms with the fact that he is actually gone. After I got the news I found out my mother had already finished planning his funeral ahead of time because my grandfather told her to do so , now the day of his funeral has arrived and my mood is just terrible of course it’s a funeral after all , I didn’t even wanna be there but he wanted all of his grandchildren in attendance so I had bo choice I had to hold in my tears until I was alone or with my girlfriend she was that person that I would always lean on and I always did the same for her during troubling or stressful times , she helped me with so much for 6 years straight.

We’re still in the month Of October and now my girlfriend and I are doing just fine she was still trying to help me cope with everything that had happened , so a few days pass and we get into a little argument she had told me 1 more argument and she was leaving I didn’t believe her but she really did , I tried and i tried to get her back for so long but nothing worked and I began to take a downward spiral I lost my motivation to do anything I stopped cutting hair , I stopped tattooing , I stopped painting I became extremely depressed and skinny I didn’t sleep for an entire year and 8 months , I stopped eating I looked dead and wanted to be left alone . She was my inspiration , my love and the one I was going to marry , before the argument I had the ring hidden in another room of the house just waiting but unfournately that time never came for us I honestly wanted to disappear and I still do I haven’t gotten over it and I’ve tried so hard but nothing has helped me . I have been doing so much to try and keep my mind off of her and my grandfather but I can’t control my dreams , I see them every night when I close my eyes and I wake up with tears running down my cheeks still , so I’ve come to the conclusion that I just need to keep moving forward even while those memories , thoughts and emotions are chasing right after me. All of that happened in October and continued on up until now , I still have a heavy heart now even while sitting here typing this almost a whole 2 years later but that’s why that tattoo means so much to me , I experienced pain that I was hoping I wouldn’t experience for another decade at least. And the rose petals falling is pretty much me saying My feelings have began to die out I have no interest in love or even trying to love someone else ever again because the day she left she took everything with her , my peace of mind , my heart , my love everything and I don’t say her name because it bothers me to hear it , my heart begins to hurt and my brain starts to feel fuzzy she has that affect on me.