You Are Not the Things You Like

It’s been a long time since I talked about music. I don’t mean talking as in blogged or written about. I mean, I don’t recall the last time I sat down and thoroughly picked apart a song, artist or album with someone. At least with someone I don’t live with and isn’t legally committed to hearing my nonsense.

Discussing music was something I used to do all the time. I remember late-night phone calls, shared beers and conversations about producers, gigs and compositions. A new release from a favourite artist could fuel an exchange for hours. And if there was an upcoming festival or gig around the corner? I’d never shut up.

I’m okay with not chatting until 1 am about some band anymore. If not, I would surely have done something to remedy this state of affairs. And in fairness, if someone asked me what music I like today, I’d probably give them the stock “oh, you know, a little bit of everything really,” answer because the music snob in me died long ago.

Still, it’s interesting that something that was once a huge part of my life is now an afterthought.

It’s said that as you get older you stop listening to or liking new music. Some research even suggests that once people hit their thirties, they become trapped in nostalgia and never listen to any new songs. Depressing, right?

Thankfully, this has not been my experience (so far). But it is true to say that I don’t often fall head over heels with records like I once did. Perhaps that’s because I haven’t made the time and effort. Maybe it’s because everyone writing new stuff is a decade younger than me or over the hill.

But really, I think that I don’t talk about music so much any more because there are usually other more interesting or important things to talk about, namely, the lives of the people I care about.

Nowadays, I live far away from where I grew up, having only recently finally settled down (for a bit) after two years of travel. So, when I do catch up with old friends, I’m far more interested in hearing about what’s going on in their lives rather than what artists they’re listening to right now. Moreover, when I’m attempting to make new friends, telling them about my taste in music doesn’t seem as pressing a matter as it once did.

For young adults, identity and interests can seem as if they are one and the same. At least, that’s how I felt for some time growing up. Getting to know someone was a question of seeing their collections of cultural artefacts. And making friends was a matter of finding the right crossovers. “I like a little bit of everything” didn’t cut it.

I’m reminded here of a line from the film and book High Fidelity, where record store owner, protagonist and raging misogynist Rob Fleming explains how he believes the key to relationships (and getting laid) lies with the stuff you find interesting:

“What really matters is what you like, not what you are like […] Books, records, films - these things matter. Call me shallow but it’s the fuckin’ truth.”

I’m fascinated by this line. I’m also fascinated by the fact that, when I was trying to remember this quote, I searched the internet and found that you can buy prints of this online and frame it on your wall. After all, it’s spoken by a character who is, among other things, a cheat, a liar and an occasional stalker with a serious case of arrested development. You may find John Cusack’s portrayal of him charming, and maybe you would also like to spend your days in a record store talking to Jack Black. However, I fear you might be missing the point of the film if you’re taking life advice from Rob.

That said, I think it’s fair to say that that stuff does matter. After all, it’s through culture that we come to understand ourselves, our time and our place. We should talk about these things. And I do want to make an effort to talk more about those things again, music included. I guess I’m doing that somewhat right here.

But we are not the things we like. We are not a list of favourite records, films, books or sports teams. Nor are we our hobbies. We can express ourselves through these things and have fun doing so. Yet ultimately, it’s “what we are like” that brings something to the table, be it passion, thoughtfulness, creativity or whatever else. It’s those things that make conversations worth having, no matter the subject and, certainly, no matter who your favourite band or artist is. But I still might make more of a point of asking anyway.