Why Self-Love Felt Fake (Until I Stopped Doing It "Right")

**Why Self-Love Feels Fake (And How I Finally Made It Real)**

Let’s be real for a second.

There was a time when I stood in front of the mirror, looked myself dead in the eyes, and whispered, *“I love you.”*

And then I laughed.

Out loud.

Not because it was sweet — but because it felt *completely ridiculous*. Like I was auditioning for a self-help documentary I didn’t believe in.

Back then, self-love felt like a scam. Everyone on Instagram was out here posting photos of bubble baths and green smoothies with captions like *“Just loving myself today 💕”* — and I was in sweatpants, arguing with my inner critic over whether I deserved a second coffee.

The truth is, I didn’t *hate* myself. But I definitely didn’t know how to *love* myself either. At best, I tolerated me. At worst, I was my own worst enemy.

### When Self-Love Felt Like a Chore

I tried all the “right” things.

Affirmations? Yep. I repeated them while brushing my teeth like a confused robot.

Journaling? Sure. I’d write “I am worthy” ten times and still not feel it.

Solo dates? I took myself to dinner and spent the whole time scrolling through my phone, avoiding eye contact with my own reflection in the restaurant window.

Nothing worked. It all felt like a to-do list that ended in disappointment. Like I was failing at *loving myself correctly*.

What no one told me is that self-love isn’t always *pretty*. Sometimes, it’s just not abandoning yourself when you’re being messy, anxious, or emotionally constipated.

### The Shift: From Performing to Practicing

Everything started to change when I stopped *trying* to love myself... and started treating myself like someone I *cared* about.

The shift was subtle — but powerful.

I stopped forcing affirmations and started asking myself real questions, like:

*“What do I need right now?”*

*“How would I talk to a friend going through this?”*

*“Can I give myself a break today — just because I’m human?”*

The big turning point? A conversation with a therapist who said, *“Self-love isn’t a destination. It’s how you act when you don’t feel lovable.”*

Boom.

I’d been waiting to *feel* worthy before acting like I was. Turns out, it’s the other way around.

### What Made It Real

Here’s what helped me make self-love feel *real* — finally:

#### 1. **Lowering the Bar**

Not every act of self-love needs to be profound. Sometimes it’s drinking water. Sometimes it’s canceling plans. Sometimes it’s watching trashy TV without guilt.

When I stopped expecting self-love to be a magical, life-changing ritual, it started feeling more like *care* — which is way more sustainable.

#### 2. **Talking to Myself Differently**

Instead of “I love you,” I started with:

*“You’re doing okay.”*

*“I see you trying.”*

*“You’re allowed to rest.”*

It felt more natural. More believable. And eventually, more loving.

#### 3. **Letting Self-Love Be Boring**

Turns out, the most radical form of self-love isn’t a \$200 spa day — it’s consistently showing up for yourself in boring, unglamorous ways. It’s eating when you’re hungry, sleeping when you’re tired, and forgiving yourself when you mess up.

### Real Self-Love Is Quiet

Now? Self-love doesn’t feel fake. It feels *quiet*.

It’s not always sexy or Instagram-worthy. It’s me choosing not to beat myself up over a bad day. It’s letting myself be a work-in-progress without shame.

And yeah, sometimes it’s still awkward. Sometimes I still roll my eyes at my own journal entries. But now, I laugh *with* myself — not *at* myself.

So if self-love feels fake to you right now, I get it. You’re not broken. You’re just learning a new language — one you were never taught.

Start small. Be kind. And remember: you don’t have to *feel* like you love yourself to start *treating* yourself like you do.

Eventually, the feeling catches up.