The Marked

A few weeks after my 18th birthday in 1991, I headed down to “Bizzy Bee,” my favorite little hole in the wall record store in my home town of Naperville Illinois. I drove the 3 miles from my house to School Street in downtown Naperville and parked my little old, silver, rusty 1983 Honda Civic right in front of the quaint Yellow and White colored Victorian style house turned record store. A small neon blue sign flashed on and off with “Bizzy Bee” printed on it hung above the front doorway. Armed with a fresh $25 “Bizzy Bee” gift certificate, courtesy of my older brother, I exited the aging Civic slamming the driver’s door with a satisfying thud!

“Hey Patrick! Happy Birthday!” exclaimed Paul, the proprietor of “Bizzy Bee” and all around great guy as I stumbled through the front door while he slowly examine my shiny new gift certificate.

“Hey Paul, thanks for the birthday wishes, what’s new?” I asked with a quizzical expression on my immature face, waving my gift certificate franticly!

“Oh….Man…have I got something special for you!” Paul said excitedly! Paul was especially fond of me for what I believed to be 3 distinct reasons. First: I was a regular of “Bizzy Bee,” constantly digging through the piles of imported CD’s hidden in the back stacks of the store, always on the lookout for something new and exciting and, when I discovered said CD’s, I was always willing to pay a premium price for the new found imported nuggets of gold. Second: Paul and I had almost identical taste in music. We both preferred alternative music to almost any other genre and we both played a brass musical instrument. I played the Trumpet, while Paul played the French horn and, because of this, we both had an affinity for big band jazz of the 1920’s and 1930’s. Third: Paul and I both had a fondness for Subway lobster salad sandwiches on wheat bread! These gut wrenching, sauce dripping, intestine turners were detested by all of our family members and peers, but that didn’t make any difference to us. We would frequently chow down on these mayonnaise soaked marine crustaceans on a roll with willful glory and reckless abandon frequently drawing sneers and fake vomiting sounds from all those around us!

“Yeah!! I can’t hardly wait!” I said with baited breathe as Paul disappeared behind the check-out counter feverishly rifling through a big box of CD’s

“Just got this in today!” Paul announced to me with an ear to ear grin as he carefully handed me a brand new shrink wrapped jewel box still smelling like Styrofoam packing peanuts. I gazed upon front of the jewel bow with a goldfish eyed picture of a cartoonish, caricature of the 4 members of the band. “Smashing Pumpkins” was sprawled across the top of the case over the main picture in an almost childlike scribbled font. “Gish” was written in all lower case letters with the same childish font below the picture on the right hand side. I marveled at the grungy, punk rockers depicted on the front of the jewel box. I had heard of this band, I knew they were from Chicago or the Chicago land area and I knew that they were up and coming but, I didn’t realize that they had a new CD out. “I think you are really, really going to like this album!” Paul said with the same ear to ear smile across his face!

“Cool! Yeah man for sure! Save me a copy okay? I’m going to go look at the imports!” I hollered back with childlike enthusiasm as I disappeared toward the back of the quaint little shop. I spent the next 10 minutes rifling through the rather meager selection of imported CD’s. I selected an extended play import by a British punk rock band called “Ned’s Atomic Dustbin” and headed to the checkout counter to settle up with Paul.

“Thanks dude! Let me know what you think! See you later man!” Paul shouted to me as I exited his store with my new purchases firmly in my grasp!

As was customary with any new CD that I purchased, I tore into it as soon as I got to my rusty little silver Civic and popped the new CD into my jet black portable “Sony Discman” CD player that was straddling the emergency brake handle between the front seats in the old Civic. I rarely listened to any CD in the order that it was recorded in, instead I preferred to hit the “shuffle” button on the disc player and let randomness take over and make the selection for me. I pushed in the clutch, turned the ignition and the little Civic fired right up and quickly settled into a soothing idle. I advanced the gear selector to the left and forward toward first gear, pushed “random” then “play” on the CD player, pressed the gas pedal and let the clutch out and I was off down the road headed for the highway. I gave the CD player a quick glance and noticed that “Track 5” popped up on the LCD display screen. I remember hearing the first 3 notes of the deep base cord and I think it would be safe to say that I was hooked immediately. Traffic piled up in front of me but I didn’t even care at this moment, I had brand new music, fresh with the intoxicating smell of Styrofoam peanuts! I Took immediate note that the production of this track was second to none, and the melody caught up and seamlessly blended with the bass line. The haunting melody sung in my head as lead singer Billy Corgan began to weave his magical tale of love, exploration and self-discovery in between changing acoustic and electric guitar riffs. I began to notice some of the intricate subtleties of the song. The bass cords would cut just below the acoustic guitar and the electric guitar, with its heavy distortion, seemed to carve right through me like a hot knife though butter. As the song progressed, the electric and acoustic guitar carried off into a sort of running duet as the bass supported the overall theme, maintaining the soulful, melodic melody reinforced by Billy Corgan’s strong spiritual lyrics. “Life comes in colors I can’t deny…” Wow! I mean, just wow! I had never heard anything quite like this track, so beautiful, so spiritual it instantly meant so much to me! I felt the heavy cords of the acoustic guitar playing with the harmonic distortion of the electric guitar expertly played by James Iha all supported with the beautiful bass lines provided by D’Arcy “And I wonder….if it matters to me?” asked Billy Corgan with a long winded sigh! Another killer lyric! Traffic had disappeared in front of me and I was frozen in place, mesmerized by the sounds emanating from the 6"x9" speakers on the back deck of my rusty Civic. The cars behind me began honking impatiently, I gave them a polite wave and quickly pulled off the road, far too distracted by the Smashing Pumpkins to pay attention to something as trivial as driving! The vocals took a break and the bass line took over once again but only for a few bars. The heavily distorted electric guitar chimed back in just as the acoustic guitar picked up, blending the two sounds in acoustic perfection. The song finished with a crescendo of all participants and the same, haunting 7 note bass line that began this sublime, spiritual creation.

The stereo went quiet as the CD player selected the next track, I quickly reached out and hit the pause button. I looked down at my arms to discover they were now covered with row after neat row of goosebumps because of the beauty I had just heard. With my heart racing, I quickly grabbed the jewel case and flipped it over. “Crush” was the name of “Track 5” I took a moment to consider that name based on what I just heard. “Right on” I said out loud! “I get it now!” I screamed! With my hands shaking, I finally understood what so many of my teachers, peers, and siblings had all tried to explain to me over the years. I finally understood what “Spirituality” really meant and what it really looked like to me. I could finally relate to my teachers describing a person or situation as “Spiritual.” Something greater than myself reached down and touched me in a way that I can’t describe, it changed me from that point on. Something inside of me clicked and I entered a new realm of understanding. I was never the same after listening to that particular song. This one song altered my viewpoint of the world and everything in it. After this experienced, I was a changed person from that day forward. I understood what a higher power could mean, feel and even look like after that. I found a deep connection with my soul, my heart and my mind all because I had listened to “Crush” off the album “Gish,” by the “Smashing Pumpkins.” After that song played out through my speakers, I truly knew what it meant to be marked by something higher and greater than myself.