The Breakdown and Build Up

If you had told me in 2005 that tougher times lay ahead in my teenage years, I would have laughed at you. For being 11 at that time, the hardest point of my life meant going through the loss of one that meant so much to me.

My mom had always been my guide and stronghold and I felt like I was unstoppable with her around. She gave me guidance and protection growing up and so losing her not only left me feeling empty inside but also meant that I had to learn how to deal with the stuff she had been protecting me from. My dad did his best to fill in the missing gap but there were some things that only a mother would fix.

So I entered my teenage years with so much anger and a feeling like I didn't belong anywhere.

Without my mother, I had to learn how to deal with all my insecurities on my own since the person whom I confided in was now gone. Looking back this was also the time during which my formation as a man started and it started with the breakdown.

This was the time I was faced with questions on whether or not I belonged. I constantly struggled with finding a sense of belonging at school. My teenage year pimples also did not help in that they added salt to injury and now I had anxiety coming from my unruly height and a face filled with pimples.

Switchfoot - You (A Walk To Remember)

I came across this song when I was watching the movie (A walk to remember). This song helped me to say goodbye to my mom. I knew I would never see her again but it had taken me more than 2 years to accept that reality. It also comforted me in knowing that I would be fine and my life was going to be alright again even without her.

During this time, I had no skills, I knew nothing and really wanted to distract myself. That is when I found Owl City's music.

Owl City - Fireflies (Official Video)

Owl city's song, fireflies came to me at a time when I was struggling to learn music. I was 15 at the time and couldn't understand how people could have such amazing coordination of systems to produce very beautiful music. I wanted to learn how to play music too and mainly for two reasons.

1. In my school at the time, music was compulsory so I needed to pass it but I had no idea how to play, and to make matters worse, I had a simple fracture in my left arm.
2. I wanted to impress someone...

With my newfound interest in music, Fireflies served as the shooting star for the type of music I wanted to play. I liked the playful nature of his music and it inspired me to play the same and when I learned, my style of music was unique to me in both the guitar and piano that I played. I have composed over 300 songs since then but here are some of the playful compositions I made later on and I still do compose and play to this day.

A playlist of some of the songs and melodies I composed played on guitar

With my musical talent inspired by owl city, I started taking interest in other songs because at this time I realized how powerful music can be in helping me achieve my dreams. It not only did that but also served as my safe place that helped me move around without feelings of anxiety over my looks and height.

With all the exposure I had to music, I started putting a name to several feelings I had experienced in the past ,... Love. The first girl I really liked was when I was 18 in 2011 and her favorite song became our favorite song...

Justin Bieber - Pick Me

By September of 2011, I could sing this song to word for word which somehow made for a "thoughtful" gift when I decided to solo it for her on her birthday... It was great.

But not long after that, I got expelled from school. I had never been expelled from any school before... The expulsion was on academic grounds and no one in my family had ever failed like that. My siblings were on top of their classes and I was on the bottom of mine. My expulsion however made me make a lot of life choices because of the song that I listened to which was full of energy...

Akon - America's Most Wanted

No, I was not inspired to do 25 to life... This song inspired me to push myself. In my now-former school, this song had been the reason I was good at basketball and still play today.

After my expulsion though, Akon's America's most wanted continued to be my place of comfort that made me make resolutions that got me from being a failed science student to becoming the engineer I am today.

Taylor Swift - Love Story

Taylor Swift's love story is the most special of all the songs to me. It is the song that guided me out of my teenage years, it also comforted me when I left my country and started a whole new life on a different continent. There are just no words I can use to describe the emotions this song brings in me and that is why it is by far my most favorite song of all time.

These are the songs that meant so much to me in my teenage years and they gave me comfort, guidance, and the motivation I needed to be where I am today. I am a better musician, an engineer, and I love deeply because of these songs and for that, am truly thankful that they exist.