The Ballad of Patricia Lovarco

Patty Lovarco was a science teacher

and I would say, an inspiring creature.

Patty Lovarco was a teacher of facts.

She demanded alertness, and rarely relaxed.

She taught all her students the phases of matter

and the difference between intestines and bladders.

We learned from the books, we learned from her mouth,

this old Air Force girl from the old Dixie South.

Ding-dom-a-lie

Ding-dom-a-fie

Patty Lovarco taught us to fly.

We dissected voles

and diagrammed their skulls

In Lovarco's classroom,

No moments were dull.

She was sharp and quick witted

and her uniform fitted

From her days in Air Force

to our wee science course.

Ding-dom-a-lie

Ding-dom-a-fie

Patty Lovarco taught us to fly.

She explained alkalis

and showed us Bill Nye

And botannical facts

about barley and rye.

She used humorous phrases

from historical phases.

"What the Sam hell?

This school's a damn spell.

But if I know the truth

I'll sure try to tell."

Ding-dom-a-lie

Ding-dom-a-fie

Patty Lovarco taught us to fly.

She made school educational

with lectures sensational.

She commanded attention

without giving detention.

Ding-dom-a-lie

Ding-dom-a-fie

Patty Lovarco taught us to fly.

One day, her rage overpowered the lesson

and she fired her mouth like a red Smith and Wesson

Patty said "Kids, dont believe all you read.

The fluoride was once just for brushing your teeth.

But after the war, and the factory waste,

THEY PUT IT IN WATER ALL OVER THE PLACE!"

Ding-dom-a-lie

Ding-dom-a-fie

Patty Lovarco called out the lies.

The millionaires had slaves

but they still needed more

So they made us drink fluoride

to put eyes on the floor.

Patty said "Kids, you cant trust the news

they promote silly vice and poisonous booze

They made brushing your teeth with industrial waste

Required behavior in this once righteous place."

Ding-dom-a-lie

Ding-dom-a-fie

Patty Lovarco made me realize.

The week after her rant about brain-stunting fluoride

she came into teach with an ominous black eye.

And bandages wrapped loudly around her head

Looking like she was a bloody undead.

The kids all assumed that a lesbian love

Was the thing that brought down the hit from above.

But I knew that she was a martyr for truth,

The truth that she handed young me in my youth.

I wonder how they got to her.

Perhaps I should have fought for her.

'Cause she taught as a duty

and not just for money.

Ding-dom-a-lie

Ding-dom-a-fie

Patty Lovarco taught us to fly.

She used humorous phrases

from historical phases.

"What the Sam hell?

This school's a damn spell.

But if I know the truth

I'll sure try to tell."

Ding-dom-a-lie

Ding-dom-a-fie

Patty Lovarco taught us to fly.

If she had more time

I suspect that Lovarco

Might have told me

that vaccines are just bar codes.

Or some other rare secret

about herons or egrets,

or how hot the summer

Mediterranean Sea gets.

A teacher who deserved the title.

No position could be more vital.

She used humorous phrases

from historical phases.

"What the Sam hell?

This school's a damn spell.

But if I know the truth

I'll sure try to tell."

Ding-dom-a-lie

Ding-dom-a-fie

Patty Lovarco taught us to fly.