Soul Speak

Music is communication for the soul. Music expresses emotions on our behalf. Music puts my feelings into the words I cannot seem to formulate.

I became a mother at the fairly young age of 20. My daughter's father was 21. I don't think anyone is ever truly ready to be a parent, but age certainly factors in. A couple aged 30 and 31 are better equipped in all aspects than a couple aged 20 and 21. I was immediately thrust into adulthood when my child arrived. She would depend on me for her entire existence. i would have to feed, bathe, clothe and entertain this little person. I started in a clinic because my fast food paycheck wasn't enough to support myself and my new child. I purchased a car because my mother didn't drive when my brother and I were little. As a result, we had to catch the bus. I remember watching my mother struggle to drag my brothers stroller onto the bus stop in the pouring rain and the blistering cold. I didn't want my daughter to go through that. My daughters father tried to be a responsible dad. He just couldn't let the street life go. He continued to party and drink while I was at home with our baby. I suspected he was unfaithful as well. Beyonce released the B-Day album ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDRcHKN2aa8 ) . "Irreplaceable" played on repeat many days and nights. This song made me feel empowered. The lyrics suggested I am the price and you lost. Rihanna helped me express my sarcasm and to highlight how my daughter's father should be embarrased by his actions. He lost the award of me, but won the award for the "best lie" according to her hit song "Take A Bow" ( https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=rihanna+take+a+bow+lyrics ). After 5 years together, I finally walked away. I am currently a single mother of two.

Even though I am the one that ended the relationship, I was still very sad and heartbroken. I was angry too. Mya released her debut album seemingly right on time. Many songs would be the soundtrack of my break-up progress. "Bye Bye" ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9FSzCxooVk ) with Missy Elliot spoke to his infidelity and my feelings about it. "If You Died I Wouldn't Cry Because You Never Loved Me Anyway" ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ik4dVfFPEEs ) expressed how I felt about him as a person and also my feelings in relation to how he claimed to feel about me. My self esteem was very low after leaving my child's dad. A new group came on the scene. City High consisted of two guys and a girl named Claudette. Their second song to be released on the radio became my personal anthem. The song is called "Caramel". ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwA742VJ-7c ) "Anywhere I go I'm spotted. Anything I want I got it. 5'5" with brown eyes, smile like the sunrise..." Nobody could tell me that the song was not about me. It helped to elevate my self esteem higher than it was before the break up. I got my confidence back.

Time goes on and we (my daughter's dad and me) go our separate ways. To this very day, he has not been consistently present physically or financially for our child. We meet new people. He ends up marrying this woman after sometime. It appears to me that she feels threatened by me. I constantly feel as if she is competing with me. No part of me then or now wants him back. Toni Braxton has a huge catalog of great music. "He wasn't Man Enough" dropped just for me and my current situation. "What are you thinking? Do you know about us back then? Do you know I dumped your husband...girlfriend? I'm not thinking 'bout him..." The ENTIRE song describes us down to a T.

Music has spoken for me all my life. It will continue to do so. Everyone goes through stuff, whether good or bad. If you look hard enough, you will find a song that relates to add to the sound track of your life. My catalog is still growing....